Thursday, 16 May 2013

Some people can park - I'm not some people

Some people can park - I'm not some people
16 May 2013

Some people can park.  But unfortunately I am not some people.  Much to my husband’s dismay.

Driving I can do.  Over taking I can do.  Reversing I can do.  Parking I can do.  Given that there are a few empty spots available.  In a row that is.  Or next to each other.

In fact, I refrain from going into any details, but the circumstances around me obtaining my driver's licence are a little bit fuzzy at best.  Questionable at worst.  And so, I tend to stick to the whole Fifth Amendment thing.  And even though I am not from America, and the Fifth Amendment does not apply to me at all, I still resort to using it on the odd occasion.  Hugely successfully too. 

Perhaps the lack of parking skills, is a chick thing?  No offense to fellow chicks out there.  But more than likely it's just a Helene thing.  I am not entirely sure about the exact dimensions of any car I drive in.  I tend to park too far away from the pavement and the car closest to me.  Hey, it could be worse.  At least I don't bump them.  I do lots of space.

Maybe it's an inherent skill.  Similar to musical or artistic ability.  Being able to do Maths or not.  Or Spelling for that matter.  You catch my drift.

All I do know with 100 percent certainty, is that I am not alone.  There are fellow PP's (Poor Parkers) out there.  I witness evidence to their existence nearly every day.  I spot them in the parking areas at the shops, I spot them outside my kids’ schools.  In fact, I even spot them in my drive way.

Perhaps we could start a support group?  We could meet once a week at a designated area, where there is ample parking space.  Allowing all attendees to take up at least two parking spaces each.

And as for parking outside our support group venue, I would like to add a few proviso’s.  We’d need to do it in broad daylight.  With soft cushioning hay bales dotted around, to provide soft and giving bumpers so to speak.  And plenty parking attendees, covered from head to toe in glaring neon colours, so that they are easily spotted.  Gesticulating wildly with paddles.  Using whistles at the same time.

Alternatively, we could do an open field? 

Might be a safer alternative.  All things considered.

And if that fails?  Well, then there’s long suffering spouses who could drop us off.

My ideal parking lot - plenty space, no cars close by and no parallel parking required


  1. I SO understand! In spite of having my car for 10 years, I apparently still cannot judge how long my bonnet is! I can always find my car at the Square cos it sticks out further than any of the other cars! ALWAYS!!

  2. Could it be because you rarely drive the same car? By the way, I have never seen a problem with your parking.
    I would like to see praise where praise is due. I have never seen a better parker than Katrine.
    (Amazing that the spell check won't allow 'parker'. I thought this Lombard-ism would have caught on world wide by now!)