Tuesday, 28 May 2013

My mean kids

My mean kids
28 May 2013

My kids are terribly unaccommodating.  They are mean, self-centred and have a complete and blatant disregard for my need for valuable info.  They don’t share enough with me!

Why, Luke himself would make a fantastic spy.  As quiet as the grave.  Lips permanently sealed.  In fact I reckon MI6, the CIA, the FBI, umMkontho We Sizwe, the Freemasons, the Broederbond, the Illuminati, etc. all missed a valuable opportunity, by overlooking his brilliance.  They missed a critical coup.  Had they sought to employ him, to keep their valuable secrets safe, the world we live in might be a better place.  A safer place for sure.

Kids reach a certain age, when the free embargo on the willing and open sharing of information, all of a sudden grinds to a halt.  No more little titbits of info.  No more telling of little tales.  In fact, no more nothing.  Upon enquiring as to his day at school, all I get is “fine”.  What does that even mean?  If I ask him if he has a girlfriend, he says “No” if he doesn’t have one.  And “I don’t know” if he has one.  This I only know, because I’ve figured out his lingo.  In essence, I’ve cracked the code.  If I ask him if he likes a girl, he also usually says, “I don’t know”, which obviously means, “Yes, but I don’t want to tell you”. 

Their cell phones are inaccessible – it is always grasped in their hands.  Their Facebook pages too (it is but a mere matter of time, before Luke starts changing his password).  No little notes are left lying behind (they used to be in the third draw on the left).  School bags also yield no clues – apart from the fact that they didn’t eat their sarmies and their popcorn leaked in their bag.

Why are they so secretive?  What are they hiding?  I miss knowing more.  Being kept in the loop.  Now, I spend much of my time in the dark.  They only share what they believe is critical for us to know.  And what they believe is acceptable for us to know.  And so, while I might not get the ins and outs on what’s happening at school, I can tell you just about anything you might or might not want to know about the Champions League, Bundesliga, La Liga, Premiership League, as well as any other trivial soccer matter for that matter.  I know more about transfer windows, transfer costs, the current injury list on any given team, managers, inter-personal relationships between team members, random player stats, etc. than I EVER wanted to know.  Because, this is deemed to be acceptable info to share with me.  Nay, of vital importance for me to know.  And I can’t fake it either – recall of facts is required every so often.  “Yes, yes.  I remember it was Robert Lewandowski that scored the four goals for Borussia Dortmund.”

And then I started thinking.  I suppose all teenagers do this.  In true spy-fashion, all information, is shared on a need-to-know-basis.  But then again, though all teenagers might well do this, I suppose my teenager has the added fear of “my-mom-might-blog-about-this”.  Horror of horrors!  I have assured Luke, that I won’t share very personal info.  When I mention him, it is all with regards to very typical teenager-ish behaviour.  Nothing too specific.  Stuff that could be applicable to any fifteen year old boy out there.  Or most fifteen year old boys.

Still, a weird, by-product, of Luke’s super-spy abilities, is the fact that it has honed my spy-abilities too.  Well, it would have to.  How else would I get any info?  Still on the odd occasion he does share with me.  Amidst all of the soccer hoopla, a piece of real life might slip in.  And that’s when I have to have my ears really wide open.  To hear between the lines.  To listen to that which he is not telling me.

But just to hedge my bets, I keep my eyes peeled.  I have to, what with having unaccommodating kids.  The big meanies!

Maybe I’ll get them back in my old age.  I’ll hide my hearing aid on purpose, and make them frustrated.  First whispering and then shouting at me.  Only for me to ignore them.  He-he-he!  The irony of course being that I probably won’t remember where I put the hearing aid again.

Which in turn will lead to them tapping into their super-spy abilities once more…  Actually, perhaps it is all justified after all. 

Unleashing the inner-spy

I need me a pair of these

One would swear everything is top secret

This is me (on a good-hair and skinny-looking day) doing my spy-thing

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