Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Kids should come with a no-return policy

Kids should come with a no-return policy
14 May 2013

I have a friend, whose boyfriend is a lawyer, and they've been a couple for about ten years already.  And this same friend, has two daughters, one in particular who is a character of note.  She's a little livewire and tends to keep those around her, always on their toes.

Basically she is busy.  And ever so slightly high maintenance.  Emotionally needy like little girls so often are.  Demanding of time, input and effort.  Life is never dull or relaxed around her.  She tends to be on the go quite a lot and has witty comebacks for everything.  She’s a spitfire and doesn’t do easy.  Complicated and complex, is way more her style.  Why be accommodating?  The alternative is so much more fun.  She definitely lives by this motto.

And my friend's boyfriend said that one day, when this little girl gets married, he'll offer his services to draw up an anti-nuptial contract.  I’m assuming free of charge.

Which I thought was just so sweet and thoughtful of him.  Very, very kind.  He has her best interests at heart and has been a father figure to her for ten out of her twelve years.  And will do just about anything to secure her future and ensure that no man takes advantage of her.  Ever.  Basically, he has her back.

I told my friend that I thought it was so special that he cared so much.  Until she clarified for me.  Because my friend and her boyfriend have clearly given this some thought.  The reason for his willingness to draw up the anti-nuptial contract one day, is not so much for the daughter’s benefit, as for theirs.  They are putting a clause in the anti-nuptial contract stating that there is a no-return policy on this kid.  Whoever marries this little girl, may never return her.  Is stuck with her for life, and good luck to them in the process too.  Once she has left the premises, she will become her husband's problem.  I suspect they simply can’t wait,

I find this too funny.  Quite simply because it is.  They don't really mean it, of course.  Most of the time at least.  But at times I'm sure they do.  And probably stop just short of searching for a husband so long.  Someone strong willed, who’ll be able to take over their lead.  Because he’d have to be strong.  And have hair on his teeth.  Given half a chance, she’d sit quite squarely on his head.  In fact, he’d have to be a very, very brave man.  With oodles of patience too.

However, my friend seems to be out of luck.  Her daughter has announced that she won’t leave home and get married before the age of twenty seven.  Personally I think my friend might just crack before the time.  And should her daughter decide to stay at home until the age of twenty seven, my friend might rather move out herself.  Once her daughter is eighteen.  If she even lasts that long.

And I am so able to identify with this on the one level.  Especially on days when they are demanding.  Though I do know that I will miss my kids terribly once they leave home. 
Of course we all love our children.  And always will.  They'll always be welcome home.  With open arms and hearts one day once they've flown the coop.

But just in case,  I might have to start paying my friend’s lawyer boyfriend a retainer. 

You know, just so that I can secure his services for myself.
Not too costly actually

Aaah, sweet!  Wonder if his/her parents attached the all important no-return policy clause?


1 comment:

  1. Haai shame!! But we know how it goes.
    Keep writing Helene, always enjoyable!