The Password Pickle

 

 

The Password Pickle
5 March 2014

Man, but passwords are a biaaatch!

But perhaps the problem is not so much A SINGLE password.  Why that would be easy.  Child’s play I fact.

No, it’s not that simple.  It’s clearly a numbers game.  As the MULTITUDE of passwords, needed to traverse even the most basic of lives, is ever increasing.

For the longest time in my life, the only password I had to remember, was for the savings account my folks opened for me at the bank, when I was about eleven.  It was 0070.  Just four little digits.  One number used three times.  And the link to THE 007, was just too delightful for words.  I’ve always been a Bond fan.

But then I got a bit bigger.  And as a teenager, I decided that I needed a new account, at a different bank.  Years had passed since I used the old one.  The card wasn’t even valid anymore. 

And thus, I still only had one number to remember.  Though, the requirement was for five digits.  And I didn’t have much of a choice.  The pin was given to me.  No possibility of even picking my own.

Then I became a student, and I had to remember my student number.  And my ID number also kinda got stuck in my head.  One has to quote it so often in life. 

Eventually I got to a stage in my life, where I had to remember a house alarm pin code.  Grant’s bank pin code (he-he-he!).  The code for the bank card for the loan I took out to do my Honours degree – the one I never completed.  Yet still had to complete paying off.  Eejit!

And before long, I found myself having to remember a computer pin code.  A work alarm code.  My cell phone pin. 

And then social media hit me.  Like a brick.  In the face.  Repeatedly.

There’s my email code.  The WiFi code.  My Gmail account code.  My kids passwords for computers at school.  Facebook.  Twitter.  Instagram.  LinkedIn.  Skype.  Dropbox.  My old Black Berry user ID.  Daddy’s Deals.  My second Gmail account, cause I couldn’t remember the first one, so I simply created another.  Luke’s email address and password.  Amber’s email address and password.  The password needed to retrieve my Telkom account online.  The password needed to retrieve my cell phone account online.  The password needed to set parental control on my DSTV.  My Discovery Health Website password.  My Discovery Health Vitality password.  My Discovery Health membership number.  My Discovery Vitality Card pin.  My Gumtree code, for the account I had to open to sell Cole’s old bed.  My second Gumtree code, cause I couldn’t remember the code for the first one, and I wanted to sell some Jumping Castles.  The number I use for my account when I rent a DVD at Stax, even though I pay cash.  And at least a million and one user names.  Don’t even get me started on those!

There’s probably more, I’m not even remembering to remember right now.  And though I don’t use all of these things all of the time, and some of them never, at some or other point, they required a password from me.

Now back “in the old days” this was easy.  I would’ve simply selected 0070 for everything.  But here’s the thing – you now need at least six digits, or more.  Of which at least one must be a number.  But not consecutive numbers you see.  Or repeats of the same numbers.  Or reverse orders.  And you need a character.  Like *$#@.  And it all just looks like swearing to me.  In addition, please note that everything is case sensitive. 

Are you friggin kidding me???

Can’t I just donate a kidney instead?  It seems easier somehow.  And far less painful.  I’ll even chuck in my tonsils.

And by the way, if you forget your password, you’re stuffed!  Cause you only get three attempts to get it right, before it blocks you, or chucks you off the system.  Whichever system that might be.

And requesting your password recovery question is a bit of a problem.  Because you can’t remember the password to get into the old email address, which is the one you gave them, as a password question.  And how would you check that mail in any rate, if you can’t access the bloody email address???  And if you’re lucky, and you get a password recovery question mailed to the right email address, the question seems dubious.  Cause your first dog’s name was Picasso (my dad was an artist and all of our dogs were named after the great masters).  But technically, though Picasso slept in your room, he was actually your brother’s dog.  So does that make Rembrandt your first dog’s name?

Which is why you simply create another Gmail address. 

With a password.

That you write down on a piece of paper.

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May I at least tell myself?

 

Funny. Very, very funny. NOT!