Thursday, 6 March 2014

One of the best things I can do for my kids, is to love their dad

One of the best things I can do for my kids, is to love their dad
6 March 2014

Now this might sound obvious.  Stupid even.  But it’s not always a given.  One of the very best things that I can do for my children, is to love their father.

And I’ll tell you this much, there are times when I don’t like him very much.  When he annoys me.  When I find him irritating.  Challenging.  Down-right unlikeable.

But here’s the thing – irrespective of all of that, I still love him.

Because I know this much – whatever he’s doing, that’s annoying me, will pass.  He’ll make it go away.  Or I’ll make it go away.  The irritation will dissipate.  Either when he stops doing what irritates me, or I gain deeper understanding, or find more patience.  The challenges will ease.  The unlikeable bits will fade.

At the heart of it all, he’s still a nice man.  A good one.  And I love him.

I know with absolute certainty, that he feels the same about me at times.  We’re very different people, with very different frames of reference.  Upbringings.  Backgrounds.  Schools of thought.  I leave him dumbfounded on occasion.  Perplexed.  I annoy and irritate him sometimes too.

But I didn’t want to marry a carbon copy of myself.  I am me.  And he is him.  I wanted someone different.  It would be so boring if we agreed on everything.  Easier yes, but boring. 

And I do understand how exceptionally fortunate I am to love my children’s dad.  How lucky I am to have continued loving him. 

Not everyone is in the same position.  Marriages end.  Relationships too. 

By loving my children’s dad, I’d like to believe that I’m giving them a good example of a relationship partnership.  Of having someone’s back.  Of standing together, and facing the world.  Giving them a solid home base.  A strong core of stability.  A loving environment in which they can be nurtured.

Now it’s a given, that kids don’t always like their parents.  Especially when they morph into teenagers.  Parents are unfair.  Uncool.  Old fashioned.  Strict.

And kids are pro’s at the ancient art of whinging. 

I’m pretty sure, that mine whine to their dad every so often.  Moaning and groaning about something I’ve said and done.

And I’ve been on the receiving end of grumbles from them about their dad too.

It’s normal.  And natural.

So here’s my response to them – depending on the situation and the complaint, I’ll listen.  Sometimes, I’ll agree that his behaviour wasn’t great (the same way mine is not always great – nor theirs).  You can’t lie about stuff like that.  I encourage forgiveness and empathy.  Compassion.  Cause we all make mistakes.  They do too.  Just because they do something naughty on occasion, doesn’t make me love them any less.  But usually I make them understand why he said or did something.  The role they played.  That he was acting out of fairness.  Having seen a bigger picture than the one they’re looking at.

And I’m hoping he has the same conversation with them, when they complain to him about me.

And still others times?  Well then I resort to this:  Hey, be careful.  That’s my husband.  And your father.

And I love him.

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  1. This is sooooo lovely!
    We love your Grantie too, a LOT!

    Your children chose very very well when they picked the two of you!

  2. Lovely one Helene! Such wisdom!