My killer instinct has died

My killer instinct has died
21 September 2013

I fear my killer instinct has died.  And I don’t think the death was accidental.

Natural causes were not actually the cause.  And therefore, at present I’m investigating murder.  But the charges might change to manslaughter.  Albeit voluntary or not.

I’m a fairly competitive person, but mostly with myself.  I have ideals and goals.  And I strive to attain them. 

I have however found, that the more specific my goals or ideals are, the greater the probability that I will achieve them.  Specifics is good.  It helps one to focus.  And plan a positive outcome.  If you are clear on exactly what you wish to achieve, you are more likely to be able to break the steps down to get to that point.  To make that dream a reality.

Yet I have found that some things that used to be important to me, and that I had strived towards in the past, now simply hold no appeal.  They’ve lost their value and are no longer my aim.

Maybe this is due to my age.  Maybe due to maturity.  Maybe due to the change in my focus and a deeper appreciation of that which holds true value.  And that which is just unnecessary and unimportant fluff.  Things that detract and not add. 

However quite possibly, it is a magical combo of all of the above.

No longer do I find myself striving for unrealistic and foolish hard-to-attain things.  My attention has rather shifted.  And I’m so grateful for that.

Though looking back, it might appear as if I’ve lost my killer instinct.  And quite possibly, the Helene of a few years ago might have thought just that.  But luckily the Helene of right now, is wiser than that.

Because rest assured, this is not so. 

Instead I have just fine tuned and honed my ideals.

That killer instinct is very much still alive.   All evidence to the contrary.  She's brewing all of the time. 

Though possibly her “victims” are more noble than in the past.  Dreams of raising happy children.  Of being a good mom.  Of being a kind person.  Of being thoughtful.  Of showing empathy and compassion.  Of being caring and loving.  Of doing something good with her life.  Of making a difference.  Of her voice being heard.  Of leading an honourable life.  All while having a wee bit of fun in the process too.  Cause what would be the point otherwise?

And so, I’d likely to confirm that my killer instinct has not died at all.  In fact, she never really sleeps…

Constantly plotting and planning.  She’s just changed her course.

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