Dentists - they're merely agents for the Tooth Fairy

Dentists - they're merely agents for the Tooth Fairy
27 September 2013

I’ve come to a shocking conclusion – Dentist are merely agents for the Tooth Fairy.

None of this Hippocratic Oath “first-do-no-harm-thing” at all.  Nor that “here-to-help-relieve-your-pain-and-discomfort” mumbo-jumbo either.  It’s all bollocks I tell you.  They’re simply in it for the bucks.  Surely of this there can be no doubt?

I’m surmising that the Tooth Fairy or Tooth Mouse are employers of sorts.  Giving a kick-back for every tooth extracted.  And therefore dentists work on a commission basis.  Perhaps they buy into a Tooth Fairy franchising opportunity, thereby expanding their business, or enterprise?  Ever mindful that they’re emissaries for the powerful Tooth Fairy.  Representatives of her.  Mere minions doing her bidding in exchange for a rather handsome cash wage.  Authorised to recruit more business and deliver wondrous teeth.  Instruments of her ever increasing desire and unquenchable thirst for human tusks. 

Which rather explains why they’re always so super eager to pull those supposed ‘beyond-redemption’ bad teeth.  They’re quite obviously in cahoots.  And have a business plan together.  The term agent provocateur comes quite easily to mind.

Yes, yes, of course we, the patients, pay a consultation bill, as well as additional fees for any work that they do.  Still the real bucks for them, comes from a far more sinister source.  A little bit underhanded and dark if you like.  Dodgy and not quite legit and above board at all.  Because put like that, in essence they’re dealing in the body parts trade.

I’m guesstimating that this is the real source of income for dentists.  Whereas our fees are the bread (white of course) and the butter, their monthly dividend from the Tooth Fairy, exceeds that by far.  It’s that trip overseas.  The holiday house.  The new electric gate and the snazzy sports car.  Hair extensions for the wife.  And private schooling for the kids.

In all likelihood they operate on a brokerage basis and have a contract to fulfil.  Requiring x-amount of extractions, lest their contractual obligations become null and void, due to failure to comply with minimum standards desired.  Chances are they’re issued with permits before the bankrolling can begin.

They are the by proxy agents of the Tooth Fairy.  Acting on her behest.  Pulling and extracting with all of their might.  Always mindful of the greenbacks rewarded at the end of it all.  Never losing sight of the mandate they’ve got.  Their vested interest to remove pearly whites, as they have been deputised to do.

I would imagine that molars are more valuable than incisors per se.  Given their per ratio size.  Though perhaps the raw goods are weighed upon presentation and compensation is only dispensed thereafter.

And so I urge you, be ever mindful and cautious.  And should you ever be in a position, where a dentist advises you that a teeth should be pulled, remember this…

Charge the buggers instead of them charging you.  It’s only fair if they pay you a portion of their commission from the Tooth Fairy.

I’m sure you’ll agree.

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