Sunday, 21 July 2013

Some inventions should never have been invented

Some inventions should never have been invented
21 July 2013

In my humble opinion, some "grand" inventions, should never even have seen the light of day.

Surely things are invented to improve our quality of life?  To add value.  To service a niche.  To fill a gap.  To make our lives easier.  Simpler.  Cheaper.  Better.   Sorry – I sound a bit like the Standard Bank ad, promising to make life “Simpler, Better, Faster”.  But they clearly have a point.  They’re on the same page as me, so to speak.

I would think that this is the most basic criteria for an awesome invention.  It's reason to exist.  Their purpose in being.

Still we are surrounded by things that don't meet any of these specifications.  They distract.  Take away.  Make things more complicated.  Are superfluous to requirements.  And cause more problems than they help to solve.

Don't get me wrong.  Pretty much everything around us is great.  Still we've had the odd invention dud.

I shall name but a few.

  • Drugs - need I say more?  Good ones that cure disease and add quality to life are great.  But the addictive ones, used only for recreational purposes, are pure evil.
  • Bombs - the same goes for weapons too.  But I suppose they only exist because war exists.  Another dumb invention.
  • Instruments of torture – not just the conventional types, like waterboarding and electric shock treatment.  The field of physical science also falls into this category - having to study it at school was painful.
  • Country music.  Though to be fair Western music is pretty dreadful too.
  • TV dating shows like the Bachelorette, etc.  I find it rather odd how people go on to TV shows, where they are placed under artificial circumstances, filmed constantly, yet still hope to find true love.  It is sad.  But perhaps I am biased and being unfair as I found true love the old fashioned way.  Girl meets boy, boy asks girl out, boy and girl ...  How many of these TV hook-ups work out in the end?  Once the filming has stopped.  The exotic locations are removed.  The romantic encounters are eliminated.
  • Animal testing - nasty stuff.
  • Snakes - I know the big guy "invented" them and they probably do serve a purpose.  I just don't happen to like serpents at all.  Nor do I have to.
  • Brussel sprouts - once again the big guy.  I'm not a fan.
  • Non-perforated clingwrap.  Seriously!  Who can operate that stuff if it's not perforated?
  • Canned laughter - this is a personal pet hate.  I don't need verbal queues, as to when I'm supposed to find something I'm watching funny.  Chances are, if your material is good enough, the humour is sharp and the acting is up to scratch, I'll be able to figure out which bits are funny all on my own.  I'm kinda talented that way.
  • Cher's outfit in that one music video where she struts her stuff on the deck of a ship, with a whole bunch of willing and able sea men...
  • The electronic synthesizer - it is to blame for many evils in awful music.
  • Genetically modified seeds - why???
  • Animal fighting - that is a particularly cruel kind of dumb and I abhor it.  And while we're at it, bull fighting is pretty grim too.
  • Hairstyles involving teasing - the eighties are fully to blame for this.  A whole generation has had to spend a fortune on corrective products to try and minimise the damage they did to their hair with the constant teasing.  Split ends like you'll never believe!
  • Bread that isn't sliced - WHY???  I understand that this is the way it is manufactured (apparently they don't come out of the oven all sliced and neatly sealed in cellophane bags – who knew?).  Still all bread is sliced nowadays.  The way it should.
  • Homework - I never liked it as a kid.  Who does?  And though it might seem hard to comprehend, I hate it even more as an adult.
  • Many of goods on offer at shops like Verimark and Glo-Mail leave me baffled.  Who are they trying to kid?  Slimming coffee?  To name but one. 

The list of bloody-awful-inventions, is actually rather long.  And still nearly daily, one can add on to it.  Inventors are still in their laboratories, busy inventing away.

Most of the stuff is absolutely fabulous.  But let’s be honest – there’s definitely been quite a few botches along the way.

Perhaps none of them worse, than the snooze button on my alarm…..

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