I might not survive the teenage years

I might not survive the teenage years
23 July 2013

I fear for my health and my sanity, as I may not survive the teenage years. 

I do believe that few things are a more accurate form of birth control, than being subjected to the draining presence of teenagers, for long periods of time.  Though I could be wrong.  Possibly short periods of time are sufficient too.  And equally effective.  Jeez, they are able to simply suck the joy right out of life.  In fact, the very air around them goes rank.  But perhaps that is more hygiene related?

They’re hard done by.  The world is against them.  Life is unfair.  Parents are mean.  Siblings are annoying.  School is a drag.  Teachers even more so.  What do they know?  They yearn for independence.  Having their own means to get around.  They want more money.  They want only cool stuff.  Brand names are big.  Bargain hunting is lame.  Curfews are old fashioned.  Bed times archaic.  Why can’t they sleep late?  Chores are for children way younger than them.  Adults are annoying.  Moms and dads are super embarrassing.  They dress old.  They act old.  They say uncool things.  They’re rigid and unbending, when they’ve lain down the law.  They faff about silly things like homework and projects.  And starting them way in advance.  They force you to eat nasty food like veggies and whinge when you use all the hot water in the house.

Now I can’t really speak for girl teenagers, as my “little” girl is now still only in the tween phase.  However at eleven, the rolling eyeball thing has already started.  The occasional tone of annoyance is slowly creeping in.

But as for boy teenagers – this is my take.  They’re the trifecta.  The triple “H”.  They’re Hairy, Hormonal and quite often rather Horrible.  It’s all about them, them, them.  They’re oblivious about others and the need to be considerate.  They feel that life has given them a raw deal.  That they always get the shortest end of the stick.  They mooch about, scavenging for food.  They NEED something sweet to eat, right now!  They could live on a diet combined of Hot Chocolate, Two-Minute Noodles, Chocolates and Sweets.  Though to be fair, pasta is rather popular too. 

Life revolves around their sport.  And the teams they support.  The only “meaningful” conversations I have with Luke are about his much beloved soccer.  Who’s transferring to which team.  At what cost.  Why it’s a good move.  What impact it will have on the team.  The far reaching consequences it will have on absolutely everything.  He even talks to me about the new club kit for each team, every new season.  So, I suppose in a manner, he’s showing an interest in fashion?  I often find myself saying to him, “Is this real life?  Or in your game”.  Because not only does soccer in real life consume him.  But the soccer on his PlayStation game is able to do the same.  Seriously!!!

Still, teenager-dom comes with a few perks.  I now have a built-in babysitter in residence.  If only I had a life of my own and needed him more often.  Still on the odd occasion when we do go out, he can hold down the fort.  Though I find it rather funny to learn from Amber and Cole that he is particularly strict.  Too funny!  He’s tall and so can help me reach things I simply can’t.  When Grant needs help with boy stuff, like carrying, etc. he now calls Luke, instead of little old me.  He’s also a bit of a techie and is my “online-technical-support” for most things computer and cell phone related.

Perhaps the important thing to remember, is that all teenagers go through this very awkward phase.  Myself included, in my very far back past.  And for now I’m soothing myself with the knowledge that this too shall pass.

Though in an odd way, I don’t want it to either.  Luke is growing up far too fast for my liking.  He keeps on reminding me that “It’s so cool, in three and a half years I can move out of home”.  It scares the living daylights out of me.  How can it be true?

But even more importantly, once he’s gone, to whom will I talk about soccer (my least favourite sport in all of the world)?  In a strange way, it is our little bond and a ritual, as I get my daily soccer injection from Luke.  On our travels to and from school and extra-murals.  And last thing at night before he slips into bed.  Because even though we are not really talking about something close to my heart, or of real interest to me, we are talking none the less.  And in a strange way, I am finding my soccer knowledge ever expanding. 

And in between all of the soccer facts and figures, I get the odd little snippet of real conversation too.  And these I will miss.

I remember being a teenager.  It was not easy.  But from experience I now know, that being the mom of a teenager is not easy either.

My mom survived three teenagers.  And now, by an odd stroke of fate, she’s finding herself rearing another one.  It is rather strange, that at the very same time, my mom, my sister and I are all raising teens. 

And so I have a built-in support system of sorts, as we’re all going through the same stuff.  Not in my wildest dreams would I ever have imagined this scenario.

It just goes to show, that being a teenager does eventually pass.  Somehow my mom is still here to tell the tale and share her wisdom.  Even more amazing, I'm still here too. 

Which is an incredible testament to her powers of restraint.  And my survival instinct too.

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