Monday, 11 August 2014

I don't like to brag, but I can time travel

I don't like to brag, but I can time travel
11 August 2014

It is a little known fact that I am actually a superhero.  Seriously!

Though when I’m strict and all mom-ish, my kids tend to think I’m a superzero. 

What do they know, right?

However, back to my powers.  I could’ve been all conventional, and done something arb like invisibility.  A really neat trick.  And one I would’ve enjoyed quite a lot.  But it’s a bit obvious you know.  Too regular.  Almost conformist and expected.

For a while I toyed with superhuman strength.  But then I thought to myself, it would be a bit wasted.  I lift Jumping Castles for a living.  And I manage perfectly fine, without having to tap into superhuman strength.  It would be a bit of a waste. 

Flying tickled me for quite a while.  Particularly, if the ability to fly called for a dashing cape.  Cause I really think I could’ve pulled a cape off quite well.  In fact, I think it would’ve been pretty swanky.  But let’s be honest – flying superhero.  It’s been done way too often.  It’s a bit overplayed.  So hum-drum and boring.  Not exciting at all.

I’d need something unique.  Something out of the ordinary.  Something so very Helene.

And then it came to me – Time Travel!!!

It’s bloody marvellous!  What a gift!  Spiderman, Batman and Superman – eat your hearts out.  You can keep your capes, and your webs.  Your bat-mobile (actually I fancy that bat-mobile quite a lot), and your Clark Kent glasses (I’ve got my own pair).  Time travel is way cooler!!!  In fact, it’s da bomb!

So here’s how it works.  Every superhero has that moment when they transform, from ordinary, to extraordinary.  Bruce Wayne heads for his cave and disrobes, before changing into his black suit (he’s clearly the hottest superhero of them all), and emerging as Batman.  Peter Parker, disappears for a mo, before returning bedecked and be-cloaked, in his Spiderman regalia (personally he’s a bit boy-ish and young for me).  Clark Kent on the other hand, just dives into a phone booth or something similar, ditching his glasses and dorky hairstyle, before practically flying out as Superman (he’s just not my type).

But as for me?  No lengthy costume changes, or frantically searching for a phone booth.  No neatly still folding up my regular clothes, before slipping into my superhero gear.  No carefully first putting my spectacles in a case, so that they don’t get all scratched.  No faffing with hair gel, so my hair looks just right.  No tying of cape ends and lacing up red and blue superhero boots.

Actually, to be fair, no real faffing at all.

In order to facilitate my transformation from just Plain-Old-Regular Helene, to Time-Travel-Helene, I simply put on some music.

I swear!  That’s all I need to do.  It’s absolutely amazing!

A bit of Supertramp, takes me back to being about eight years old.  Having a braai with the folks - my brother, sister and I playing.  And my parents playing darts.  Awesome times.

Any Beatles song, takes me back to my childhood.  All the way through.  From my birth.

Led Zepplin, makes me think of my uncle Jac.  And of the way I saw and admired him as a child – still do to this day.  He was my hero.

The Police makes me think of long car trips with my folks, and us three kids sitting in the back, singing along, knowing all of the words, to every single song, on every single album.

Any song from The Sound of Music takes me back to 1988, when we went on a very exciting trip up to Joburg to visit my aunt and uncle – Bettie and Bert.  The whole family watched the movie together – with Bert re-enacting the bit with Maria on the hill.  He even had the little bag – super convincing.

Duran Duran makes me think of when I met Grant.  They’d sort of started fading by then already, but they were still Grant’s favourite band.  And when I hear them, I feel seventeen again.

Tears for Fears reminds me of 1984.  I was a teeny-bopper – eleven years old, in Grade 6.  And we all simply lived for that song.

Wake-me-up-before-you-go-go by Wham, takes me back to 1985.  And lumo colours.  I remember dance parties clearly, and snogging my boyfriend at the time.  Siss!  I was only twelve!

Eric Clapton makes me think of my Dad.  The biggest EC fan ever.  I picture him leaning down, and putting the CD on, and the whole house filling with sound instantly.  All of us jiggling, and singing along.  Playing air guitar for good measure too.

Carol King reminds me of my mom, when I was a teenager.  She’d go into ecstacy and hum and sing.  Arms out wide. 
Seal's, "Kiss from a rose" turns me into a 23 year old bride, dancing with my brand new husband, on our wedding night.

Crazy Frog reminds me of when Luke was about eight years old.  He loved that CD and played it to death.

Embarrassing secret about my rock star brother, Albert Frost.  When he was about twelve or so, he had the Michael Jackson, “Bad” album.  And he played it repetitively.  Over and over and over again.  Non-stop.  And my Dad would lament – “Why did Michael Jackson call his album Bad?”.  And knowing the answer all too well, we’d all chorus, “Cause he couldn’t spell ‘Pathetic’.”

Embarrassing secret about me.  When I was about twelve, I bought myself the one and only Rick Astley album.  And I played it repetitively.  Over and over and over again.  Non-stop.  It is bad enough to make your ears bleed.  However, I’m sure that if I had to hear it again now, I’d still know every word.  It is cringe-worthy.

And so my time travelling skills go on and on.  Never ending it seems.  With a click of the play button, I can propel myself to a different space time continuum.  And it is truly amazing.

When I’m there in that moment, I remember it all.  The feel.  The atmosphere.  The people.  The clothes.  The stories.  The vibe.  That same exact moment.

I see it so clearly, it’s awesome.  Utterly magical!

My greatest wish for all of you, is that you can time travel too.

Come on – try it!  I’ll even through in a cape to sweeten the deal.

PS:  When you tie it on – don’t do a bow.  It looks wimpy.  Instead go for the whole double knot thing.  Though not too tight mind you, in case you need to change over to your regular gear… 

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  1. Turns out I am a time traveller too!! Such a wide variety of music, bringing on so many different memories, mostly happy, some sad, from 55 years of living! Super tramp, Pink Floyd, The Who, IpiTombi, My Fair Lady, Eric Clapton, Julie Andrews Christmas carols, Church hymes, Advert jingles, Eddie Grant, Shania Twain, Janis Ian, Handel's Messaih, Janis Joplin, Roger Waters, Focus, Genesis, Blues Broers, Jimi Hendix.... and when I hear ABBA, I go straight back to the day after our wedding, when we all lay around the pool at your house, when we were all so young and dangerously good looking! !

  2. What at awesome way of looking at it! It is so clever and so true!
    Nothing takes me back to Daddy as quickly and intensely as a tune!
    Movies do the same......
    Times of joy and sadness.