Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Google has made me stoopid

Google has made me stoopid
10 June 2014

Never mind, stoopid.  Google has made me a friggin eejit!  A right simpleton.  Dull-witted and obtuse. 

Rather than fill my head with knowledge, it’s sucked it all out.  Leaving a vacuous, empty, hollow, meaningless space, where once upon a time, at least a semblance of grey matter had resided.  I find myself unable to do anything any longer on my own.

Growing up, I lived with Google.  Though it didn’t go by that name.  Instead, I referred to Google as “Mamma” and “Pappa” (I’m actually Afrikaans – shhh!).  On the odd occasion that I found the Google living in my home to be of little use, I outsourced.  To Oupa and Ouma.  And to be fair, this was a rather large network.  I was abundantly blessed with many grandparents and great-grandparents.  For a large part of my school going years, I had a total grandparent network spanning eight old fogeys.  I’ve sadly lost a few along the way, but I’m still able to tap into four of them very regularly.  I found them to be extremely knowledgeable and wise.  Having a greater understanding of the world and the space we live in, than I could ever comprehend.  Knowing how things worked and why.  In addition, because there were so many of them, there were many different fields of expertise. 

Only once I found that my rather expansive Google family disappointed me, and that they could not give me the answers to the questions I had, did I venture further.  To books.  We had encyclopaedias.  Complete sets.  More than one.  And they were brilliant.  In addition, I have always been a fan of libraries.  And both the school library and municipal library, more than serviced my needs.

But nowadays?  Well, thanks to technology, I’ve harnessed the intellectual and fact finding capabilities of the all-knowing Google.  Who has managed to turn me into a simpering imbecile.

I have become a relatively well-functioning idiot.  Unable to think of anything on my own.  Furthermore, it’s disabled my logical and analytical faculties too.  Rather than think about something, I quite simply “Google” it.  Doesn’t everyone?

But here’s the thing.  They have robbed me.  Of my wit.  And my brain.  And my cognitive abilities.

In time honoured American fashion, I’ll sue them (Quick Google: “is Google based in America?” -  Aha!  It is indeed.)!  I’ll take them to court (Quick Google: “is the American judicial system comparable to South Africa’s?” - The jury is out on that one.)  Would I stand a greater chance of winning financial compensation if we managed to change the South African legal system to the American jury system (Quick Google:  “exactly how does South Africa’s legal system work?” - Short answer – a judge decides.)  What if my judge uses Google all the time and likes them (Quick Google:  “statistic on unbiased and fair judges” - There are some out there, but you just don’t know if you’ll be lucky enough to get one.).

Perhaps it would be fun and exciting to go through a lengthy litigation (Quick Google:  “what does litigation really mean?”  - The process of taking legal action.)?  I think it might be best, if I avoided the courts altogether.  Maybe a well written legal document, drawn up by a top notch lawyer (Quick Google:  “what branch of law specialises in suing for emotional trauma?” - Clearly it’s Psychology.  Quick Google:  “recommended psychiatrist to defend complainant for emotional trauma charges”  -  Quite a few of them out there it would seem.).

Can you completely comprehend the magnitude of my problem?  How incapacitated Google has left me?  (Quick Google:  “incapacitated definition” Deprived of strength or willpower.  Debilitated.  Quick Google:  “debilitated definition” -  Showing impairment of energy or strength; enfeebled.  Quick Google:  “enfeebled definition”  - Make weak or feeble.  Quick Google:  “feeble definition” Having less than average intelligence.). 

i.e. Helene

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Been here waaaaayyy too many times!

1 comment:

  1. Sadly true - we even carry Google in our hands these days.