Monday, 18 November 2013

Hiding in the bathroom, minus one shoe


Hiding in the bathroom, minus one shoe
18 November 2013

It can be said, that it is good to try and keep the spark alive in a marriage.  That one must invest time and effort into a long standing relationship.  And that keeping things fresh and new after twenty three years together, can be a challenge.

Yet, my Grantie and I seem to manage just fine.  Mostly, because I think we’re best friends and we like one another’s company.  We enjoy spending time together.  Hanging out together.  And when not in each other’s close proximity, we phone one another a few times a day, just to touch base and say, “Hi!  How’re you doing?”.

It’s actually pretty sweet.  And I do appreciate how exceptionally fortunate I am to have this relationship.

But yes, it does require a fair amount of work to maintain.  One has to be cautious and mindful of your partner.  Of their likes and dislikes.  Of ploughing into the bond you have created.  Of not slipping into complacency.

Not just emotionally, but physically too.  Cause let’s face it – our bodies have deteriorated rather a lot along the way.  Very little firmness, apart from the obvious, to be found.  And so one has to be inventive and keep things interesting.

And so let me tell you a story, about a friend of mine.

Every so often, she would surprise her husband, out of the blue, in the middle of the work day, for some light exercise of the carnal type.  Now she didn’t look upon this as stealing company time.  Her husband pretty much never took his allotted lunch hour.  And most days, he was in the office before 7h00.  And thus, she thought a “lunch break” was perfectly normal.  Acceptable even.  And nowhere in company policy did it prescribe exactly what you must do in your lunch break.  And to give her her due, she normally enquired beforehand as to whether his colleagues would be in the office.  As clearly, this was not a spectator sport.  And privacy was key.

Well, on this occasion, she thought she had covered all bases.  The scene was set.  Temperatures were soaring.  And romance was clearly in the air.  Until…..

They heard the telltale sound of a key in the lock.

Well, luckily her clever man, had left his key in the keyhole, preventing said colleague from entering.  Still there was no real time for dilly-dallying.

They both scrambled like lunatics.  The husband calling out, “Just give me a second!”.  She grabbed her clothes and dashed to the bathroom, right there, trying to be as quiet as a mouse.  The only problem being, that she had a ludicrous attack of the hysterical giggles.  She tried to gag myself with her shirt, to prevent any noise from escaping. 
Eventually, once her giggles were sort of under control, she quickly and semi-quietly got dressed.  All whilst being able to hear her man and his colleague having a lengthy discussion about work, right outside the bathroom door.  As in right outside!  The whole time, while she was getting dressed, she contemplated casually wafting out of the bathroom, pretending that nothing was amiss.  I mean, people do use the bathroom occasionally, and there would have been nothing off kilter with her doing just that.  Technically at least, she could have just randomly popped into the office to say “Hello!”.  No one would have thought anything of it.

But then she realised the flaw in her “casual-emergence” plan.  One sneaker was missing.  Gone.  Lost.  Nowhere to be found.  It was also at this point that she realised, her handbag was lying around, as well as her jewellery and cell phone.  Haphazardly thrown about.  From the outsider’s point of view, there obviously was a woman on the premises.  It was impossible for the colleague not to know.

Still she decided to go with avoidance and remained hiding in the loo.

She never quite discovered if her husband’s colleague had intended on staying at the office for longer or not.  But shortly after his appearance, he left again.  Rather unexpectedly, she thought.

She never quite got her giggles under control either.  And managed to bite her lip rather harshly in her efforts to keep quiet.

Once the coast was clear, she eventually emerged and surveyed the carnage she’d left in my wake.  In the middle of the floor, tipped to the side, was the offending sneaker.  Unmissable in fact.  She’s assuming the colleague had to step over the dainty small sized shoe.  Her handbag was strewn.  Jewellery and cell phone randomly flung on her husband’s desk.

Quite naturally, she and her husband dissolved into peals of nervous laughter.  Which continued for days afterwards.

The spell had been broken.  The mood no longer there.  Yet somehow, this bound them even closer.

The colleague never said a word, and she’s assuming he thought her man was having a flaming hot affair.

Which suited her just fine.  Seeing as she was the floozy in question.

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