Tuesday, 14 January 2014

My superhero name


My superhero name
13 January 2013

I must confess – I have superhero fantasies.

Maybe it’s the cape?  Possibly the leggings?  Potentially the cape-legging-combo?

Conceivably, it could even be the masked anonymity. 

Somehow this is all starting to sound a little sleazy – like a porn-movie-gone-bad.  But perhaps I judge too harshly.  I hardly know the requirements for a porn-movie-gone-good.

I’ve always had a fascination with superhero’s.  They’re so take-charge, and all save-the-world-ish. 

And of all of them, Batman is kinda hot.  Though Iron Man’s not too shabby either.  Alas, I digress.

Now this has led me to think – surely I could be a superhero too? 

I mean really – do I have to stand (or fly) in awe of some other supposed fictional superhero?

Surely I deserve my own shine.  My own set of wings.  My very own cape.  A pair of leggings to boot.  And yes, a bloody mask as well.

So what shall I call myself?  This is the great question.  Even bigger than the whole chicken vs egg thing.

And so I’ve given it some thought.  And I’ve come up with a few options.

Now I’ll be the first to admit, that this is still a work in progress.  An unfinished symphony of sorts. 

It’s not perfect.  But hey that’s okay.  I bet when he first started out, Spiderman also had to brainstorm a little bit.  Perhaps put a few suggestions down on paper.  Scribble down a few notes. 

Chances are Superman did the same thing too.  Maybe he consulted his family.  And they ran a bit of an opinion poll.  Wouldn’t surprise me in the least.

So here goes – my list of potential superhero names.  Please note that the names are linked to my specific skill set.  To areas in which I excel.  In which I shine with brilliance (or not).

In no specific order:
  • Speedcooker she cooks with phenomenal speed, without phenomenal skill (true story)
  • Homeworkchecker she is the queen of the speed homework (on busy days, it can take me half the time it would normally take)
  • Procrastinator she has superhuman skills of distraction and avoidance in doing tasks she doesn’t want to do (many can vouch for this)
  • Photo-woman – she photographs and records everything (my poor overloaded computer can back my claim, as well as my numerous photo albums)
  • Crafter – she loves making things (her home and packing space in her cupboards bear witness to this – wool, material, mosaic, buttons, beads, paint, etc. etc. etc.)
  • The Blogster – is any clarification really necessary?
  • Yes – she tends to take on too much.  And one day when she grows up, she’ll learn to say “No”.  But I have my suspicions that this will take a really long time to perfect.  And she might never actually get it right, pull it off, and manage to do it.
  • The-Excessive-Squeezer-Inner – she has a terrible habit of trying to squeeze too much into too little time.  Now she does actually manage to pull this off, most of the time.  She won’t disappoint once she’s made a commitment.  But it causes a terrible knock-on effect.  And is a continual juggling act.  And by doing this, she puts a lot of strain on herself.  Sometimes even on others.  This skill, is mainly due to Yes.  The one leads to the other.
  • The Squirrel – she hordes.  It’s actually an illness, not a skill (very true story)
  • The Sentimentalist – Okay, we all know the TV programme, The Mentalist.  That dude and his freakish perceptive skills have nothing on The Sentimentalist.  Simply everything is sacred and has sentimental value (please see The Squirrel reference above – these two go hand-in-hand.  If it wasn’t so impractical and impossible, she could be a superhero and sidekick all rolled into one)
  • Collector – not to be confused with The Sentimentalist and The Squirrel.  Though similar, the Collector, is slightly different.  Random items (deemed precious), are collected.  The Collector has an incredible radar for spotting collectibles.  For finding their hiding places and seeking them out.  In some ways, the Collector is a stepping stone for The Squirrel and The Sentimentalist.  Once items are collected (Collector), they are horded (The Squirrel) and they have exceptional sentimental value (The Sentimentalist)
  • Mother – even the Godfather (I, II and III), have nothing on Mother.  Scary maternal chick – don’t mess with her chickens (Just a word of warning – know how Hulk goes green when angered?  Well, Mother goes all rainbow.  Best run for cover when the colour indigo is spotted)
  • Bedtime Boycott – fairly well known fact – though she likes sleeps, she doesn’t do much of it.  What if something fun happens while she’s unconscious?  Would be such a waste and a disappointment.
  • Exclamationator – she has an exceptional fondness for exclamation marks.  As well as the word “fabulous!”.  Please note that this does not mean that she is shouting or screaming.  It just denotes excitement, fervour and conviction.  Though to be truthful, the word “fabulous!”, is just so utterly awesome, it deserves some accent and focus, in the form of an exclamation mark.  Surely!
  • Adjective-Girl – she had an excessively ridiculous love for descriptive words.  Because they are so charming, fabulous(!), fantastic, wonderful, delightful, incredible, descriptive, colourful, addictive, evocative, etc. etc. etc.  They also happen to truly compliment exclamation marks, and make them appear their best.  See!  Makes perfect sense!  (Please note – the Exclamationator is hard at work here)
Alas, I’ve got a slight problem.  How to choose?  There are simply so many options?  I’ve hardly listed them all.

And perhaps, I should therefore continue with my practice of dabbling in all of them.  Dipping into each of the above mentioned superhero fields continuously. 

Though if anybody out there, should feel inclined – knock yourself out.  Design me a costume.  I’m partial to red.  Me-thinks black leggings and thigh-high boots will look mighty fine.  Gossamer thin wings could work.  Though maybe a cape would have more of an edge.

And as for the logo and the mask?  I’ll leave it to you.

As long as you make sure it’s friggin fabulous!!!

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Me and my Cole - he's also a big superhero fan. My shirt is my eldest son, Luke's former t-shirt. I quite simply took it for myself. Bought it for him in the kiddies department at Ackermans when he was about nine years old. Simply LOVE it!

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