Tuesday, 14 August 2012

'Sale' Feeding Frenzy

'Sale' Feeding Frenzy
14 August 2012

I could be wrong, but in my most humble opinion, few things are as undignified as a Woolies sale.  Now, I’ve got nothing against Woolies, per se.  It’s more a case of what happens to their clientele when those little red ‘SALE’ signboards appear.  I’m quite sure that the invasion of the Normans into England in 1066 more than 946 years ago was less violent and blood thirsty.  Starving sharks would fall on a feast with less enthusiasm.  Piranha’s would take longer to shred a buffalo.  Okay, so you get the picture.  Even the most placid of women, gets a killer instinct look in their eye.  It’s a look that says, “I want those shoes, their mine, and I’ll hurt you to get them.  So don’t mess with me.  I’m packing a credit card and I’m not afraid to use it”.

I inadvertently had to go to Woolies yesterday, to get Amber a new pair of school shoes.  Had I known what I would be ‘stepping’ in to, I’m quite sure that I would have chosen another establishment that would have ensured equally well shod feet for my daughter.  It was a hustle and a bustle of epic proportions.  Much flicking through racks, jam packed with an odd assortment of garments.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the placing of goods.  You are equally liable to find a bra amongst a dinner platter, and a bracelet amongst a pair of socks.  Personally, I can’t be bothered to even attempt it.  It hurts my head just to look at it and I get overwhelmed by a Monica-from-Friends-moment – I just want to pack everything neatly, logically and make sure that there’s a system.  Perhaps colour coding, or garment size or garment type, or gender, or ….. Sorry, I got side tracked there for a moment.

The queues appear to be kilometres long and trolleys are loaded to the brim with a jumble of mixed items.  I wonder how much of the stuff that is purchased, is actually used or suitable for their buyers?   Maybe it’s just the thrill of the sale and the lure of the bargain, and not so much the actual article?  It’s probably like a mild or hectic form of exercise, depending on your dedication to the task.  I bet that a large portion of deforestation can be attributed to refund and credit slips after a sale.  For some men, I’m sure it would be more cost effective to sign their wives up with a gym membership, including a personal trainer, than letting her sprint her way across Sales.

But, hey, who am I to judge.  I would act like a raving lunatic if I found a ‘SALE’ sign outside an antique shop.  And will probably end up buying the biggest load of junk that I’ll never need or use.  In fact, I might even find some Woolies treasures from sales of years gone by.  Luckily the Woolies sale only happens twice a year.  But then off course there’s the Edgars Red Hanger Sale, the Clicks Beauty Sale, The Hyperama’s Hey-Days, etc. etc. etc.  Why with any luck at all, there’s always a sale happening somewhere. 

Perhaps they even have busy seasons and down times?  And what preparation would be involved beforehand?  Tug of war practices should you meet a fellow shopper with an eye on the very same garment that you’re fancying? The artful flick of the wrist as you whisk you credit card out?  The flamboyant signature that you scribble in haste?  The dedicated manner in which you work your way through the racks, methodically, always on the lookout for a winning deal?  The near effortless way in which you’re able to load heavy parcels from the trolley to your car?   The puzzle-like manner in which you seem to be able to Tetrus-style stack your trolley with parcels filled to the brim? 

Which reminds me, I am really AWESOME at building puzzles, so perhaps I’ll do well if I choose to enter the fray.  Now there’s a thought!  Note to self – practice wrist flick and signature post haste.

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