Saturday, 25 August 2012

Constants in an ever changing world

Constants in an ever changing world
25 August 2012

Some things in life don’t change.  And thank goodness for these constants.  They add safety and stability and give us a sense of “all-is-well-with-the-world”.

But what to do, if one of these constants unexpectedly changes?  How to cope?  What a terrible feeling of “not-rightness” we experience.  Just imagine a world where we could not count on the following things:

  • Riaan Cruywagen’s hair – if he ever changed his hairstyle, I fear that the country might come to a standstill.
  • Johan Stemmet’s loud shirts – just imagine if he ever got a personal stylist, who convinced him to turf his hideous shirts – Noot vir Noot would come to a grinding halt.
  • Naas Botha’s accent – he just says “wiff” so beautifully, and let’s not forget his other famous saying “on de udder hand, Darren”.
  • The colourful names of the colourful people in our country – names like Chevonne and Tyrese – I simply love it!
  • Escalating petrol prices – it is expected after all.
  • Cashiers talking to each other, and ignoring you when you’re trying to pay for your groceries.
  • The happy endings in Mills & Boon books.
  • Overpaying for popcorn at the movies.
  • Waking up early on the one day that you can sleep late.
  • Wage negotiations with unions breaking down, inevitably leading to striking workers.
  • The waiter asking you if everything is all right just when you’ve taken a big mouthful of food – I think they lie in wait behind pillars, hoping to catch you with a mouth full of nosh.
  • Running into an old flame when you’re looking your absolute worse – bad hair day, unflattering outfit, unsuccessful make-up day.
  • Your kids being at their most needy on the days when you have the least amount of patience.
  • A slice of toast or bread falling butter side down.
  • Getting sand in the car after a walk on the beach.
  • The sound of blaring vuvuzela’s at a soccer game.
  • Standing in a queue at the bank and shops at the end of the month.
  • Having too much month left over after the end of your money.
  • Over spending at Christmas.
  • Over eating at Christmas.
  • Never finding shoes on a sale in your size.
  • A tooth falling out unexpectedly and not having any change in the house with which to fulfil your tooth mouse and tooth fairy responsibilities - ending up paying way more than the current going rate.
  • School projects having to be completed on a much anticipated “relaxing” weekend.
  • Never taking the library books back on time – and nearly always incurring a fine.
  • News presenters talking about “ke-taa-go-ries”, instead of categories.
  • The never ending yearning I have for another baby - I don't think it will ever go away and I will always have a little hole in my heart because of it.
  • Justin Bieber’s hair flopping about.
  • Hugh Grant’s hair flopping about.
  • Grant’s hair flopping about – I wish…
  • A new James Bond movie always being on the horizon.
  • The chicken song being played at weddings – and everyone doing flappy arm movements, looking like idiots.
  • A bride making a fashionably late entrance at her own wedding.
  • Getting toothache in the middle of the night over a long weekend when it costs double to get to a dentist – if you can even find one.
  • Yet another new season of Survivor either being filmed or airing on TV – I just love it, and if I wasn’t married already, I’d track Jeff Probst down and make an honest man of him.
  • Having no hot water when you’re the last in the family to hit the shower.
  • Kids asking “are we there yet?” on a long car journey – and sometimes even on a short one.
  • The cakes I bake not being very successful and looking alarmingly flat.
  • Reruns of Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal movies on Sunday nights on Etv.
  • Ellen DeGeneres dancing on her show.
  • Usain Bolt hamming it up for the camera’s – how much self-confidence does that dude have?
  • Jacob Zuma getting married again.
  • Jacob Zuma fathering children again.
  • Puzzle pieces miraculously going missing from the sealed box.
  • Being swamped with smiling street vendors when you stop at a robot - trying to sell you cellphone chargers and wire beaded creations.
  • The slightly toothless or alternatively bejewelled smiles you get from the friendly staff at KFC.
  • The Stig not showing his face.
  • Angelina Jolie adopting babies.
  • Siblings bickering.
  • Road workers on never ending lunch breaks.
  • Road works over the busiest holidays of the year.
  • Boy bands lip syncing their “hits”.
  • Joan Rivers getting botox for her lips.
  • Ozzy Osbourne slurring “Sharrrrooooonnn!!!”.
  • Politicians making empty promises close to election time.
  • Cops on TV eating donuts.
  • Steve Hofmeyer songs blaring over the loudspeaker system at Blue Bull games.
What would happen to my world if I could not depend on the predictability of everything mentioned above?  The world and life in general is a shifting, never stationary, evolving cycle.  And if I didn’t have these constants in my life, I would not be able to cope with rest of my world.

Viva, Riaan Cruywagen!  Viva!




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    I'm a GENUINE friend of Al's, and the story you wrote on him was to the "T" as is this!
    Bravo Helene, bravo! xx