Saturday, 24 May 2014

The Floordrobe


The Floordrobe
24 May 2014

I’ve recently been introduced to a whole new concept – The Floordrobe.

And I think it’s absolutely ingenuous!  Brilliant word-craft, at it’s very best.  And though I was unfamiliar with the word, I most certainly was not unfamiliar with the concept.  Having witnessed it daily – in my very own home to boot.

It extremely accurately describes the whole grey area that is the floor/wardrobe in the bedroom of any teenager.

And though I only have one fully fledged teenager in the house, he certainly shows admirable skill with regards to The Floordrobe.  The benefit for him, is the fact that his room, is in a whole different section of our home.  A bit off the beaten track, and one never accidently walks past it.  You actively have to go there, and so much of his Floordrobe usually goes undiscovered.  Lucky him.  Though it is fair to mention that his skills have morphed and spread out.  Branched off in a sense.  Expanded.  He has also mastered The Deskrobe as well as the The Chairdrobe, and The Bedrobe.

But most alarming of all in our home, is The Floordrobe skill of my middle child.  The only girl in the mix.  And a kid that is only just on the cusp of being a teenager.  Not yet thirteen.  Her Floordrobe skills are worthy of mention. 

Planning what to wear to an event or party, can take days.  Nay weeks.  Lots and lots of discussions and possible outfit possibilities.  Nearly daily requests for shopping.  Sadly for her, to not much avail.  And there’s the days, nay weeks, of trying outfits on and parading them around.  Occasionally even asking for pics to be taken, so that she can then semi-objectively look at them, and decide. These are usually once again met with shopping requests.  To not much avail. 

And at the end of any “trying-on-outfit-bonanza”, there is a Floordrobing explosion.  Sprouting forth and spilling over everywhere.  No surface is unscathed.  From desk, to bed, and beanbag to floor.

And I have to wonder, is Floordrobing more of a girl’s thing, than a boy’s thing?  Or is it but merely a lazy thing?

The downside of challenging the Floordrober in your home, is their solution to fixing the Floordrobing.

For them it’s fairly easy – “Why everything is dirty of course!”

Right!  And thus your problem goes from a “not-being-able-to-see-the-floor-in-the-bedroom”, to “not-being-able-to-close-the-washing-basket-because-it’s-overflowing-with-clean-clothes”.

Requests for them to hang and fold the clothes, are generally met with a blank and slightly baffled stare.  Occasionally the look is even completed with a gaping open mouth.  As if one is conversing with them in Russian.  Or maybe even Chinese.

The mysteries of the coat hanger leaves them dumbfounded.  As if it is a strange contraption, they can’t quite comprehend.  How does it work?  What is it used for?

And should they eventually with lacklustre enthusiasm attempt to diminish the Floordrobe in their rooms, and your washing basket is not overflowing, I’ll let you in on a little trick – check underneath the bed.  As well as behind it.  Flip top desks, with loads of holding room is also an attractive dumping ground.

When it comes to Floordrobing, nothing is sacred.  Even bookshelves can suffer.

And for some, the condition is never reversed.  Never quite put to rights again.  Not all outgrow it. 

Why my husband, has an uncanny knack for throwing discarded wardrobe items over the cupboard or bedroom door.  Where it is continually bumped off.  A most annoying tendency.  And on my side of the room?  Well I have a barstool.  Ostensibly for the kids to stand on, to reach the DVD player in the top of our cupboard.  Though sadly for them, it’s never clear…

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  1. How clever wordsmiths are!!

    I didn't even know I have a floorrobe.

  2. What can I say - I live by the floordrobe, Bedpostrobe, Dressingtablerobe.......