Most computer problems are a PICNIC

Most computer problems are a PICNIC
16 October 2013

Computers – blegh!  They can drive one absolutely batty!

Lately, mine has been sending me around the bend!  Switching on and off whenever it feels the need.  Lagging, stalling and just plain being downright stubborn! 

However, my beloved stepdad, Daya, has a theory.  And to give him his due, he is mostly right.  He is rather technologically advanced and writes computer programmes in funny languages I can’t even begin to comprehend.  It’s like there’s a whole subculture of techies out there, that talk software.  A unique language of their own and one that keeps on morphing and evolving it seems. 

Daya is also generally pretty good with sorting out most computer glitches.  He’s my mom’s go-to-guy when her PC plays up.  And on occasion I’ve even been known to phone him to ask him something or other. 

A wonderful bonus is his marvellous sense of humour.  And so a computer related phone call could sound something like this:

Daya:  “Hello!”

Helene:  “Hi there!  Is this online technical support?”

Daya:  “Yes it is.  You are number 37 in the queue.  Please note that your call may be recorded for quality control purposes.  Please stay on the line for our next available technician.  Your call is important to us.”

And so on and so forth.  This usually leads to a predictable bout of laughter from both of us.  Laughing at the same old jokes is the best, as there is so much comfort to be gained from it.  Getting an expected response is fabulous.  Especially if you genuinely find the chirp amusing.  And delight in hearing it again.  Our Daya is such a fun person.

However, back to Daya’s theory:

MOST COMPUTER PROBLEMS ARE A PICNIC

The first time I heard him say this, I took immense comfort from his confidence.  Surely if most computer problems were a picnic, it meant that they were easy to solve.  Hopefully by him.

But my blessed relief in his absolute ability was short lived.  My Daya is the pun king and loves playing with words.  He’s a real whizz at wordplay. 

I can’t remember exactly how long it took for me to first question this picnic theory of his and to start having my doubts.  Perhaps it was the expression on his face when I saw him.  Or the tone of his voice.

And so after questioning him, he confessed:

PICNIC – Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

Admittedly he’s theory is usually spot on!  Now apparently, this is not a new phrase and has been coined already.  Still I love it.  It gives me both a giggle and a pause for thought when it comes to sorting out PC problems.  Just plain switching it on and off again, thereby rebooting, cures most ails.

But will I ever forget a few years ago, when Luke was about five or six years old.  Daya had passed on a computer game from my stepsister, Katarina, called Freddie Fish.  Luke was super enthusiastic about this sweet little game.  And at that age, I still had to help him quite a bit on the computer.  However, the two of us kept on getting stuck on the same spot in the game, leaving us unable to advance to the more exciting levels.

And so, I had to phone Daya.

Daya:  “Hello!”

Helene:  “Hi there!  Is this online technical support?”

Daya:  “Yes it is.  You are number 37 in the queue.  Please note that your call may be recorded for quality control purposes.  Please stay on the line for our next available technician.  Your call is important to us.”

Helene:  “Daya, Luke and I are playing Freddi Fish and we keep on getting stuck on the same spot where you have to try and get the cork out of the bottle.  Please can you help us?”

And then my forty seven year old stepdad said:

“Shim-Sham-Jimmety-Jam-Clapper-Gapper.”

And I do believe I told him,

“You’re just making that up.”

Which he wasn’t.  We actually had to find something in the game called the Shim-Sham-Jimmety-Jam-Clapper-Gapper.

True story.  Clearly most computer problems are a picnic.  Cause in this case, I couldn’t speak the Freddi Fish language at all.

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So that unsuspecting little clam shell, is actually, a SHIM-SHAM-JIMMETY-JAM-CLAPPER-GAPPER.  Apparently...

 

 

More Freddi Fish - I spent absolute ages with Luke playing and helping him navigate this game.  It was however a good investment, as I made him pay it forward when the time came.  And thus he helped Amber and Cole when they graduated up to playing Freddi Fish.  That is part of the reason one has eldest children - so they can help you with the littlies.