From the birds and the bees, to family trees.: Election Schmection

Election Schmection
15 October 2013

I’m mortified to admit, that I don’t really do the newspaper thing. I know, I know! Shame on me.

But then again, I don’t really need to read the paper, to keep abreast of current trends. I have a handy app that I downloaded, called HUSBAND. My Grantie keeps me semi-informed on most things. In addition, I spend an extraordinary amount of time in my car, carting kids about. And I happen to be quite partial to radio news. And so, if in the car, I tune in every hour and half hour, to catch the latest updates. Then there’s the newspaper headlines, stuck up on lamp poles dotted around, which gives me an idea of what’s plotting at least. If a headline really catches my attention, I’ll Google it later, to find out about it some more. Also my iafrica.com homepage on my computer, educates me on the latest events too. And I quite often find myself, quickly following a link to read something or other. And finally, in my house, my husband is pretty much the boss of our TV remote. And just so we’re clear – he watches the news. I don’t necessarily sit down with him when he’s indulging in this hobby, but our home is rather small, and so if I’m cooking in the kitchen, or doing whatever, chances are, I’ll get the gist of what’s happening too.

I give you this background, just to illustrate to you, how ignorant I am. The news events I pick up on, are more snippets. And though I am sort of au fait with the headlines of some of the more important stuff happening in the world, I often miss out on the finer nuances of what it all means. I know. It is actually rather embarrassing. Hey, everyone’s got their strengths. Still trying to find out exactly what mine is, but I’m systematically working out what it’s not. And clearly newspaper reading falls into the NOT category. Unless you’re counting our local community paper, which I pretty much read from cover to cover. But it’s not quite the real thing and I get it.

However, just the other day, I broke free from the mould. And what a delight it was. I was rewarded richly for my efforts as I struck a pot of gold. Actually, it was more of a cartload. It illustrated to me, more clearly than ever before, just what I’ve missed out on. How foolish I have been. Cause what if there have been other similar stories and I’ve missed out on them too?

The article dealt with the latest election results in Azerbaijan. Firstly, I’d like to applaud their efforts to hold fair and free elections. To give every male and female citizen the opportunity to exercise their democratic right to cast their ballot. To have a say in the running of their beautiful country. To feel that their voice has been heard. To play their role.

Yet, I sadly feel that they may have fallen a wee bit short of this lofty ideal. But how can I say this? Am I not perhaps being biased or slightly unfair? Who am I to judge?

Well, I’ll tell you exactly why I feel this way. In their infinite wisdom, the Azerbaijan Central Electoral Commission, released the results of the elections, exactly 24 hours before the voters even went to the polls. I kid you not! And surprise, surprise, the incumbent president has “unexpectedly”, found himself winning by a landslide victory once more. What are the odds?

Actually if you were him, the odds were pretty good. Not only were the election results accidently leaked before voters had even gone to the polls, his victory was a whopping 72,76% of the votes as opposed to the measly 7,4% of his major opposition. Imagine that! And to give them their due, the Electoral Commission, had given a fair amount of thought to their vote rigging results. Leaving little to chance and cause for suspicion, they even released exact statistics, stating exactly how many people voted at each different polling station, peak voting hours, etc. Such exemplary dedication to corruption is sublime. In hindsight, after their little slip-up, the Electoral Commission apologised, stating that they were just testing a mobile app, with predicted poll results. Obviously! A mere clerical error. Was there ever any doubt?

Perhaps not so surprising, is the fact that this will be President Ilham Aliyev’s third term in office. In 2009, the country held a “fair and free” referendum, to decide on the maximum presidential terms. How charming, that there is now no limit. And as thus, I’m expecting that President Ilham Aliyev will be winning many more elections in the future. I’ll even go so far as to guestimate they all will be landslide victories too. In fact, the presidency of Azerbaijan, seems to be a bit of a family business of sorts, as our dear Ilham took over the reins of the family business from his father in 2003, when dear old dad “stepped down” as President. How sweet! So lovely that they’re keeping it all in the family. Who said nepotism was dead and buried? In fact, speaking of dead and buried – how did dear dad snuff it? Was it really the big C?

This story just made my day. And tickled me pink. Cause clearly, it illustrated another misconception I’ve been under too. The one that said that criminals and baddies wear balaclavas, operate in the dark of night, are occasionally covered in tattoos, have the odd facial scar and really bad teeth, drive claptrap cars (if they even have one) and have a flighty, scaly look about them. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Which makes me think – they roam amongst us. “Hiding” in plain sight.

In addition, the next time I hear someone whinge about vote rigging, unfair elections, etc. in our most beautiful sunny SA, I’ll simply have to share this woeful tale with them. Cause clearly things could be worse.

And as such, I’m wondering if President Aliyev is grooming his young son to take over the family business in the future? Rather risky, if you ask me. Who knows what ill fate might befall him too.

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