Thursday, 3 October 2013

Kids - collectors of crap

Kids - collectors of crap
3 October 2013

I don’t quite know what it is with kids, but man they are pro’s at collecting crap.

It’s actually a bit of an art form with them.  A gift of sorts.  Their ability to spot junk is amazing.  And the sad fact is, that they insist on keeping all of this salvage for themselves.  NOTHING.  GETS.  THROWN.  AWAY.


Not only that – they treat these waste items as if they’re the most precious of possessions.  More desired and revered than the most expensive of toys.  Better looked after than other far more valuable things, that you yourself have purchased for them.

They cherish them and look after them lovingly.  Cosseting them close and keeping them safe.

But perhaps this is wise.  As they know, if they don’t look after these “treasures” their mothers will dispense with them in a heartbeat.  Toss them in the bin, without much of a backwards glance.

Now this is all fair and well.  And a part of the natural landscape when you have kids.  It is to be expected that clutter will reign.  That drawers and toy boxes will be filled with an odd assortment of goods. 

My question to kids though, is exactly how do they decide what is deemed worthy of their love and adoration?  If bizarre randomness is their measuring stick, then I suppose there is a kind of warped pattern in that.  Arb things hold value.  Who would have thought?

And so a casual and seemingly innocent walk in the park or along the beach, calls for a need to have rather large and deep pockets.  Pockets belonging to the parents of course.  Because though kids are pro’s at unearthing these dubious debris treasures, they are most definitely not pro’s at carrying them around.  Each new find is marvelled at and greatly admired.  Proudly showed to a parent.  And then they proceed to hand this “awesome find” over to you with the same sort of care, usually reserved for new born babies, delicate and breakable eggs, and cut glass at the least.  And once placed in your unworthy palms, you the parents, are responsible for them.  Oh, and while you’re at it - carry it for them too.  Kids!  They’re lazy louts – one and all.

However don’t be fooled and try and be pro-active.  Forward thinking at times can be your very downfall.  Because bear in mind – due to their lack of diligence in carrying their own junk, their perception that you are their slave and there to do their bidding, the larger your pockets are, the larger their loot yield will be.  NEVER make the mistake of taking along an empty bag.  BIG MISTAKE.  And the operative word is BIG, as they will, with the very greatest of ease, fill that bag to the brim.  And you will be the gullible sod, carrying around a bag filled with three stones, two sticks, some fishing gut, a bottle cap, a used straw, a feather, a shell, a dead bug, a beer bottle screw top cap, a crushed flower (or weed), an ice cream stick, a wine cork, a broken pencil (?), elastic bands, half rusted spark plugs (??), a pen lid, a piece of string, etc.

Actually, one should give them their due.  Their dedication to litter collection is rather exemplary.  They are indeed doing their little bit, to make our planet a cleaner place.  The only problem though, is the fact that they then bring this litter into your home.  And refuse to part with it.

Woebegone, if you so dare as to try and dispense with even a small morsel of their rummage.  Hell truly hath no fury, like a child, feeling that he has been robbed of his rubble.

A few weeks ago, I saw a funny pic and post on Facebook, and it gave me a really good giggle.  And the only reason it was so very funny, was because it was so exceptionally true. 

“Hell hath no fury, like your kid catching you throwing away ANYTHING, EVER!  I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord.”

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This is a small example of "priceless" treasures.....  Indeed priceless, cause no one would pay for this stuff.

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