Tuesday, 1 July 2014

My tupperware cupboard has been breeding

My Tupperware cupboard has been breeding
1 July 2014

I would hereby like to confirm that my Tupperware cupboard has been with child.  Actually never mind breeding, she’s clearly given birth.

To multiples, no less.

She’s practically spewing them out.  Lids and lids.  And even more lids.

Lunchboxes and juice bottles, containers, and little cups.  Big bowls, and little bowls, even silly sized in-between bowls too.  Plastic funnels, ice cream tubs, and margarine ones too.  Measuring jugs, plastic kiddies pizza plates, ridiculously dainty trays.  Even sillier plastic cupcake displays.

It’s an unending supply.

Though here is the trick – finding a perfectly matched pair.  I suspect there are dating services out there, with a higher couple-match success rate.  Even they would be better at founding a long lost love.  Or lid.  To not even mention, the correct type of ice cream tub bottom.  With the corresponding lid.  So is it Dairybelle, or Ola?  Perhaps Nestle or Gino Ginelli?  Because only an exact match will do.  Crossing over, and mixed couples don’t work.  Nor will they.

The alarming thing is this – every so often, I simply put my arm in the cupboard and scoop the whole lot out.  Tip it out, sort, turf, make little piles, and discard the surplus.  The numerous lids that don’t match a thing.

Still, I turn my back.  Not even for very long.  And they’re at it again. 

Mating!  Breeding!  Procreating!

So I’ve been wondering.  Who is this cad?  This reckless impregnator of my cupboard?

Who lurks around?  Causing havoc.  Creating chaos.  Making Tupperware lid babies, with my unprotected plastics?

And I’ve finally figured it out.

It’s those bloody unmatched socks.  The bastards!  All this time, I thought they were hiding in my washing machine drum.  Perhaps sneaking into my tumble drier.  Camouflaging themselves in the bottom of my washing basket.

But their secret it out.  The truth will be known.  They’re making Tupperware lid babies, with the dishes and bowls, in my plastics cupboard.

A word of warning to the wise.  Match your socks up.  Don’t let any wander around unaided and unaccounted for.  They’re evil irresponsible beasts.  Making no provision for their young.

In the blink of an eye, you’ll find yourself overwhelmed.

With lids. 

And while we’re at it.  They’re clearly very messy at their lovemaking.  Have you seen the destruction they leave in their wake?  A mixed jumble of bowl, cups and plates. 

Don’t believe me?  Just look at your Tupperware cupboard, I’m sure you’ll agree.  They’re serial breeders.  Chances are you’ve got some lid babies too.  And I bet your plastics cupboard is also a mess.

It’s clearly contagious!  You’re infected too.

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  1. Yes Bettie, true story!
    I always wondered if one of the mums was training their kid to 'steal' the time-tested indestructible Tupperware from school though.
    Send Tupperware, get rubbish back!
    At least a draw keeps them contained.