From the birds and the bees, to family trees.: The Swiss Army Knife

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

The Swiss Army Knife - seriously???

The Swiss Army Knife - seriously???
27 August 2013

Right, so the Swiss Army Knife. Does this strike anyone else as being just ever so slightly funny? I mean seriously! The SWISS Army Knife??? Had they said the Russian Army Knife, or the American Army Knife, or the German Army Knife it would have made more sense. Heck, even the Rhodesian Army Knife is a more believable name, and Rhodesia technically doesn’t even exist anymore. But the Swiss? Having their very own Army Knife?

Because let’s face it – Switzerland is not really known for its fighting prowess. This despite having a rather substantial military wing. Upon leaving school, scholars (actually men between the ages of 19 and 26) are requested to serve at least 260 days in their armed forces. And when I say request, I mean they don’t really have a choice. However, given the fact that as a nation, Switzerland is surely trained for war, they graciously decline to indulge. Rather, they are a nation of peace. Of neutrality. Don’t believe me? Just look at their flag.

In fact, they have not been involved in any military contact, nor conflict since 1815. And thus, the invention of the Swiss Army Knife is rather peculiar. Especially given the fact that the Swiss Army Knife was invented and developed in 1884. A time when Switzerland was already well known for its peaceful nature.

Though perhaps our clues to Switzerland’s true nature can be found in her famous Army Knife. It most likely tells a story of a nation. Through a knife you may ask? Why just look at the various attachments that can be found. They’ll more than likely prove my point.

I find the nail file and nail clippers particularly interesting. This perhaps so that soldiers on the front line, can indulge in a bit of a pamper session and manicure of sorts, whilst fighting ceases over the luncheon break? The bottle opener, can opener and corkscrew can be used in conjunction with their blade knife for their picnic feast? Per chance a fine bottle of Merlot, accompanied by a particularly charming little smidgeon of Brie? Or maybe Camembert instead? The toothpick would serve to pick out those pesky olive pieces caught between the teeth. And the tweezers could add definition to recalcitrant eyebrows. Screwdrivers, a hex wrench and pliers, so that idle time is not wasted while waiting for the enemy to attack. This time would be better spent doing some constructive maintenance work, with your handy tool set. A ball point pen and a ruler, to indulge in some architectural design? And a magnifying glass to see everything with crystal clarity and a compass to safely navigate your way around too. A wire stripper and a saw, in case metal work is your thing. A fish scaler in case…..

However, let’s give them their due. They have most certainly stepped things up a notch in most recent years. And have tried admirably to keep abreast of current trends. Some of the latest and more upmarket models now include a 32 GB detachable flash drive, Bluetooth, a laser pointer, a MP3 player, a digital clock, an LED light, etc.

But just perhaps they’ve taken things a little bit too far? One of their latest models, is a bladeless Swiss Army Knife. Which sounds like a misnomer to me for sure. I mean what is the point then? This in order to allow you to take it onto an Airoplane with you.

But here’s the thing. Fabulous though the Swiss Army Knife is (and I really actually think it’s a most handy and cool tool – and an awesome gift to give to someone), they’ve clearly left out some vital attachments. They’ve missed a few critical coups. Where’s the handy TV? Or the really, really portable PC? The cell phone? The coffee machine? The fold out blanket? The fully stocked snack bar?

Though perhaps given enough time, these too shall follow.

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