Monday, 26 August 2013

Marriage - it's a little bit like one long sleepover

Marriage - it's a little bit like one long sleepover
26 August 2013

Marriage is a little bit like one long sleepover.  Minus the popcorn.  Minus the slouching around in PJ’s until noon.  Minus wearing silly animal shaped slippers.  Minus the pigging out on choccies and sweets and watching chick flicks all night long.  Minus the obligatory facials.  Minus the manicures.  Minus the giggling until the wee morning hours, long after light outs.  Minus the sharing of secrets.  Minus the plotting to do cool things.  Minus the huge big chin-wagging session where you share the best bits of gossip.  Minus planning what you’re going to wear for a party.  Or even just the next day.

Nah!  What was I thinking???  Marriage is nothing like a long sleepover at all.

Instead it’s trying to navigate life.  Raising kids if you’re lucky.  Worrying about them together – their education, their characters, their crowd of friends, their behaviour, their everything.  Trying to make money stretch and stretch and stretch.  Providing for your home and your family.  Making big decisions jointly.  Choosing the way you live your life.  The way you discipline your kids.  Accepting and loving each other’s birth families.  What friggin movie to watch.  Who gets to hold the TV remote.  Feeding of pets, and training them too.  Bills, and bills and bills.  Doctors and dentists visits.  Clothes shopping for the sprogs.  School projects and friends sleeping over.  What to cook for supper, and who’s buying the milk on the way home.  Remembering to buy Stay-Soft, cause you ran out again.  Birthday parties.  Filling the car up and washing it too.  Locking up at night and dropping kids off at school.  Touching base with family and favourite friends too.  Indulging in your interests if you’re very, very lucky and have the time and the dosh.  Deciding on kids’ education and subject choices and who should do what extra-mural.  Then driving them there too.  Fixing the computer and sorting out the linen cupboard.  Doing the dishes.  Opening the gate for each other at home.  Replacing that light bulb and buying a new filter for the blow-up pool.  Disciplining the kids and making them do little chores.  Putting up that picture and remembering to get an ink refill.  Responding to e-mails and attending school functions.  Supporting at sport and nursing sick kids.  Cooking everyone’s favourite dish in the world.  Mowing the lawn and fiddling with the pool pump.  Getting a new key cut for the gate and remembering to drop off hockey socks for a match.  A shared history.  A common goal.  Sharing a bathroom.  Knowing someone else’s childhood, almost as well as your own.  Similar interests.  Convergent tastes.  One vision.

Now the downside of the marriage-long-sleepover thing, is that you can’t go and whine to your mom when your “friend” is working on your nerves.  Nor can you ask your mom to phone his mom, to ask her to come and fetch her irritating child.  Because at times, there is irritation.  And annoyance.  And an unhealthy dollop of frustration too.  You how when you were little, some sleepovers just lasted that little bit too long?  And the joy was a bit gone?  The excitement no longer there.  The spark well and truly snuffed out.  And all you wished for was a bit of much needed alone time?  An opportunity to recharge your battery and want to spend time with that best friend once more?  Well, that option is no longer open to you.  So best you make it work. 

But sometimes, if you are super blessed, then there are still strong similarities between marriage and a sleepover.  You get to spend time with your best friend in the whole wide world.  Every day and every night.  Without having to get your parents’ permission first.  You get to share secrets and plot cool things to do.  You definitely indulge in some chin-wagging too.  Occasionally you can slouch around together in your PJ’s till noon.  You can pig out on choccies and sweets while watching something really cool.  Every so often, there’s even popcorn too.  And as for the giggling?  Sometimes you even still manage to get that.  Especially if it’s really late at night and the whole house is fast asleep.  When you’re lying in the dark and chatting for ages.  Still learning something new.  Something that you didn’t even know.  After twenty three and half years.  Seems impossible right?

It’s true that the manicures and facials have stopped.  But I’m cool with that.  If I really want to, I can give one to myself.  Or have a proper girlie sleepover, with my own little girl.  My mom.  Or my girlie friends.

Basically marriage is the best of both worlds.  Spending time with my favourite person rocks.  Knowing someone’s got my back, no matter what, counts for a lot.  You’ve seen each other at your best.  And your very, very worst.  But acceptance and love, brushes over it all.

So my advice would be this – choose well.  Make sure you give your heart and your life, not just to someone you love.  Or are in lust with.  But someone you genuinely like too.

In short, to your best friend.  Because only then, does marriage get to feel like one long sleepover.

Got to dash – my bestie’s waiting for me.  And we want to lie in bed and have a nice catch-up chat after a very busy day.  Feels like I haven’t seen him for ages!  Even though we woke up in the same bed this morning.  Jointly got kids ready for school.  Spoke to each other a few times during the course of the day.  And gave each other a huge big hug and a kiss after the work day.  Shared supper, brief chat about our day, kids off to bed, watched a programme on TV, etc.

Super chuffed to be having a sleepover again tonight!  And the best bit?  Tomorrow night, I get to do it all over again.  Yay me!!!

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Grantie and I

One of my fave pics

I love it!

My best friend and I
Our first official date - it also serves as proof that once upon a time, Grant did indeed have hair


  1. This is very very sweet H. You and your Grantie are lucky to have one another. And all of us are lucky to have you. Xxx

  2. I think I am going to go and give my Michael a hug! Nice one Helene! Those earned anniversaries are SO worth it! X