Monday, 5 August 2013

My kids were swopped at birth

My kids were swopped at birth
5 August 2013

I am just so glad that my kids were swopped at birth. 

There's no ways my own offspring could be so awesome.

But my luck did not stop there.  Not only are my replacement kids way more beautiful than my own could ever be, they're also remarkably clever.  Which just goes further to prove my point.  They're most definitely not my spawn. 

They’re witty and funny.  And all three of them have been blessed with a remarkable sense of humour.  Luke’s is slightly wicked and sharp.  Amber’s is clever and quirky.  And Cole’s is a bit slapstick, fast and razor sharp too.

I whinge about my kids on occasion.  I think lots of parents do.  Especially if they’re being honest.  Parenting is really great, but let’s be real.  There are lots of bits that suck big time.  I don’t always whinge about them to their faces.  I mostly tend to do it in my head.  Or occasionally on my blog.  But then it’s more tongue-in-cheek.  Not too specific.  And it’s all normal whinge-ish stuff.  Age appropriate for them, yet annoying for parents at the same time.  Things all kids do.  And probably things that most parents find irritating.  Whinging to them all the time, about stuff I must just suck up, will break them down and obliterate their confidence.  Most annoying things just pass, given time.  At least, that’s what I’m counting on.

However, just so we’re clear – I adore my kids.  They’re simply great.  They keep me highly entertained and constantly on my toes.

And just to illustrate my kids-swopped-at-birth theory – this is what my real kids would have been like:

  • They would have been exceptionally nerdy – all three of them.
  • They would not have had lots of self-confidence, and would have tended to attempt to blend into the background at school. 
  • They would have been more bookworm-ish.
  • They would have expressed aspirations to join the choir at school, be library prefects and join the drama club too (wasn’t I a FUN kid!).
  • They would have SUCKED at sport (I know this to be true – because I do).
  • They would have been gawky for the longest length of time.
  • They would have been average, academically speaking.
  • They would not really have shone at anything remarkable.
  • All three of them would have bad eyesight.
  • They would have no idea of geography and poor general knowledge.
  • They would have been shy.
  • They would have impressive snozz sizes.
  • However their shoe sizes would’ve been ridiculously small.
  • They would have had tendencies to be really dorky (have I mentioned the nerd thing yet?).

And none of my kids really meet the above Helene-ish criteria.  So no, they’re definitely not my real kids.  I can claim this without a shadow of a doubt.

And big up to the hospital, for doing me this favour. 

I can but only wonder how my “biological” kids must be fitting into their families?  I’m sure that there is more than likely lots of puzzlement due to their limited skill set.

As for me?  I hit the parenting jackpot, when all three of my kids were swopped at birth.

My replacement/substitute kids are way better than any I could ever have created on my own.  It is quite likely that my authentic kids woud have been duds.
And so perhaps the old adage is not true?  Sometimes the stand-in, back-up or copies are way better than the originals could ever be.
Alternatively, I should just give Grant the credit that is surely due, for his contribution to enriching the gene pool.
Our kids are rather fabulous.  Lucky me!

1 comment:

  1. Nice try, Sweetness!! That Ambertjie is Mini-me!!
    Love you kids!