Thursday, 22 August 2013

Mildred - time to boot her out - AGAIN!

Mildred - time to boot her out - AGAIN!
22 August 2013

My nasty fat alter-ego, Mildred, has raised her evil head again.  All fat jowls and flabby arms.  Not to mentioned the thunder thighs! 

She creeps up on my every so often.  And I must admit that I absolutely abhor her.  She makes me feel ugly and eeuwww!

It’s funny how I sort of know that she’s raising her bulbous head, but I am able to pretend that it still is not so.  For weeks I live in denial.  And though I seem to feel constantly ever so slightly ill at ease, I still soldier on.  Semi-blissfully unaware.

And then it usually comes crashing down all at once. 

But how is this all brought about?  Not in the conventional fashion.  I don’t start an anti-fat revolt because my clothes are feeling tighter.  Or because summer is approaching.  All it normally takes, is just one photo in which I see my ever rounding face.  Holy Toledo!!!  Is that really me?

Sometimes it’s a glimpse of arm waddle.  Or an unflattering bum shot.   Or a mere hint of thighs.  But most often, it’s the face.

And so I shall have to put Mildred on notice.  And warn her of her impending demise.

But here’s the thing with Mildred.  She is cunning.  And has super evil ways.  At the merest hint of a diet, she becomes all needy and demanding.  Wanting this!  Wanting that!  Craving the worst possible things.  Things that would normally not torment her at all.  Sooo bossy!

And therefore, I have to lure her into submission.  Trick her into thinking that we’re merely eating “healthier”.  Not dieting per se.  She finds that easier to adjust to.  And doesn’t kick her heels up half as much, if I do things the sneaky way round.
Because the second I mention the “D” word, she starts dreaming about Zinger wings.  And fries.  Gummy sweets and chocolate bars. 

In fact her nagging becomes near impossible to resist.  And so on occasion, I simply give in.  Just to make her shut her mouth.

And so the “D” word is banned.  And rather “healthier” eating is in.

But Mildred’s in for a nasty surprise.  I’m rather determined.  And will once again reign supreme.  I’ve given her the boot a few times over the years.  Most successfully too.

Still, she’s gutsy.  In more ways than one.  And attempts to take over.

Which is why I have to be ever vigilant and on the look-out, lest she breach my defences once more.

Be gone with you Mildred.  You’re not welcome here anymore.

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Mildred and her multi-layered chins

Mildred and her round pudding face - lots of thigh action too

Mildred and her chins


  1. You are very critical...but I do understand.
    Sooo hard to resist.

  2. Helene!!! Women the world over are going to not only laugh at this brilliant piece of writing, but also fully empathize!! We are FAR too critical of ourselves, but that's just the way it is and I doubt it will ever change. I loved reading this particularly as I am busy booting out my own "Mildred" right now!! I tell you, the older she gets, the more of a bitch she becomes too!! However, she WILL leave.... eventually!

  3. I am busy losing my Mildred as we speak!! Gram for gram....... mm by mm ...... tenacious BITCH!!!