Sunday, 10 February 2013

The Fairy Fallacy

The Fairy Fallacy
9 February 2013

Oh, I’d heard of them before.  We all have.  I just wasn’t entirely sure I believed in their existence.

Many, many mystical creatures roam our fair lands.  Creatures barely ever seen.  And no, I’m not talking about the usual suspects either.  You know, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Father Christmas, the Tooth Mouse, etc.

I’m talking about your more uncommon type of mystical creature.  Your more practical mystical or rather mythological creature.  Those whose presence is still largely disputed.  Do they even exist?  Are they real?  Have any adults ever seen them?  In fact are there any accurate eye witness reports, chronicling exact details about these sightings?  Un-doctored photographs, not enhanced by the miracle of Photoshop?  Perhaps video footage.  Or even better yet, maybe a live specimen?

These are the creatures of fallacies and fantasies.  Seen only by young children and teenagers.  Though to be truthful, there are unsubstantiated reports of adult sightings too.  In fact, male adults have reported seeing these creatures.  These male adults all happened to be husbands.  Rather peculiar, don’t you think?  But no sightings by women.  Not even once.  And as for wives and mothers?  Hah!  Perish the thought.  They know better than to bother with pipedreams and wishful fantasies.  Or unsubstantiated reports and supposed sightings.  They have learnt the hard way and refuse to get sucked in by all the hype and the hoopla.  They see through the elaborate smoke and mirrors.  Beyond the illusion.

So pray tell.  What are these mystical creatures?  Where do they supposedly live?  What do they look like?  What do they do?

So I will tell you.  The mystical creatures, I’ve heard spoken of in hushed whispers, lest it be untrue are…..The Dishwashing Fairy, The Laundry Fairy, The Cooking Fairy, The Grocery Shopping Fairy.

And I must say, I find it a rather suspicious co-incidence, that these fairies all take credit for the myriad of thankless tasks that I seem to do.  Shameless, they are!  Blatant lies!  Pretending they’re me.  How rude!  Poor little me, slaving away and they get all the glory, with their wings, stardust and ability to fly.  Bah! Humbug!

And just so we’re clear and to amplify the insult to my already painful injury, the Dishwashing, Laundry, Cooking and Grocery Shopping Fairies, all seem to have apprentices too.  A whole host of them to be exact.  All flitting about making everyone’s days runs smoothly and their lives uncomplicated.  There’s the Replacing-The-Toilet-Roll Fairy, the Hanging-Up-Wet-Towel Fairy, the Lunchbox-Unpack-Fairy, the Filling-The-Water-Bottle-For-The-Fridge fairy to name but a few.

I wish I could harness their power and make them all work for me.  To make them my minions and slave away in my honour.  Though, I would like to add a few more fairies in my arsenal too.  I’d have the Mom’s-Taxi Fairy, the Nursing-Sick-Child Fairy, the Make-Up-Take-Off Fairy (a task I simply hate doing), and a Lunchbox-Pack-Fairy too.

Actually to be honest, my list of fairy candidates is rather long.  So in the interim, while I will be ever vigilant and on the lookout for suitable candidates who would meet my exacting standards, just perhaps it’s better if I fill these rolls.  They kinda bring me joy in a weird way and give great purpose to my life.

Perhaps I should just stock up on some fairy dust of my own.


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