Saturday, 19 January 2013

Blackmail - it really works

Blackmail - it really works
19 January 2013

As a highly motivational and effective tool to get others to do your bidding, especially teenagers, I can highly recommend blackmail.  It truly works.  However this tool is not limited to mere teenagers alone.  It can be used on adults and children alike.  Even the elderly if you please.

The success rate is however directly linked and related to the size and scope of the dirt that you have on your “victim”.  The bigger the dirt, the more power you have.  So use it and use it well.  In fact don’t hold back.

This is not the time to develop an inconvenient conscience.  Leave your scruples at home.  So keep your eyes and ears open and be ever alert and vigilant in your quest.  If you look closely enough, you’ll find ample material everywhere.  If not, just invent some (he-he-he).

Personally I always ensure that I have a handy arsenal of incriminating and embarrassing photo’s on hand.  Ever at the ready, to be put into play whenever I so wish.  And because I am simply ALWAYS the photographer, there are very few pics of me, so I don’t run the same risk.  And naturally I immediately dispense with any potential incriminating photos of myself immediately.  I will not be hoist by my own petard.

Nude baby photos of my kids have the most value and the biggest return on investment.  However, running in a close second position are any pics of them in dress-up clothes.  Sooo cute and such fun for them at the time, but in hindsight and given slightly more advanced years, they would just rather die than anyone seeing these.  And hence I truly cherish them.  My Mom has the MOST AMAZING DRESS-UP ROOM IN THE WORLD.  She really, really does.  It is worthy of capital letters.  They have a huge attic at their house, Muisnes in Tulbagh.  And the attic is just heavenly for all, especially the kids.  There is always a full drum kit set up for their pleasure.  Many instruments, including microphones which are blessedly not plugged in.  Hanging ropes from the rafters on which they like to swing.  Couches, beds and chairs for lounging.  Comic books, a pool table and table tennis table, toys and best of all – a whole dress-up room.

There are dresses, shirts, pants, all sizes and shapes of shoes, wigs, bags, hats, wands, mirrors, make-up, skirts, etc.  In fact, my Mom could start her own party rental business doing outfits alone.  It became a thing when the kids were really small and my Mom had oodles of space.  She decided to dedicate one whole room to the dress-up and donations of weird, wonderful and wacky clothes started coming in.  Whenever we have a dress-up party or any need for unusual clothes, we simply dip into the dress-up room.  I once went to an Abba style Mamma Mia party and got an entire awesome outfit from there.  Including knee-high silver boots – very trendy.

But, perhaps the dress-up room and some of its wonders deserves a blog all of its own.  The marvellous by-product though of the dress-up room, is the fantastic pics it provides me of my kids.  Better blackmail material you could not possibly wish for.

Predictably the kids are less inclined to partake in the dressing up as they get older and obviously Luke has long since stopped.  Amber still delights in it and tends to go for the whole trashy chic and rock chick look.  But at the moment, the kid that just gets absolutely the most amount joy out of it is my little Cole.  He embraces it completely and tends to have an alarming penchant for high heeled shoes and boots in particular.  He is a whiz at accessorizing and simply always includes a hat, often a bag and usually make-up too if the outfit calls for it.  We have long since said that he is “in touch with his theatrical side”.  Because more of a boy’s boy you will never find.  Perhaps he takes a bit after me in enjoying the wacky and quirky. 

And thus its name and shame time – I shall present you with a few select gems.  I will however not post my biggest and best.  Those I’m keeping safely in my arsenal for when the need arises.  But know this – if they ever step out of line, I shall share those too.

You simply have not lived until you've worn a pair of your Dad's jocks as a leotard - especially if you're a boy

I must confess - I do find Amber's pose rather worrying - way too much leg

And as if the leg pic wasn't bad enough, here's one of her doing her best Playboy Bunny imitation - scary

Cole looking ever so dashing in a violent pink leotard with a wig to match

Ja well no fine is all that I can say

The cutest little boy/girl in the world - I just love that little figure

For this little ensemble, my stepsister Katarina and Cole joined forces to add make-up to complete the look. This is Cole's attempt at a pout.

Technically he would have made a beautiful little girl though - we could have named him Ni-Cole

This entire outfit for the ABBA party came from the Muisnes dress-up room - including the silver space boots

Even I play dress-up at times - this is me sporting a Flamenco look

Hats are ever important too

Luke went through a robber faze - he spent entire weekends at Muisnes with a pair of pantyhose over his head - a really odd kid

My little old short sighted lady

Pirate Luke off on a treasure hunt at Muisnes - complete with treasure map, ragged jeans and the lot

Amber always puts the oddest combo of things together. Here she is wearing a leotard over her normal clothes, but we had to make extra knots to keep it on. And then she wrapped a men's tie around her head.

Bozo the Clown - a.k.a. Cole - he's going to really hate this pic one day

Cowgirl Amber?

From left to right - Cole, Roxy, Katarina, Luke and Amber - they did a play in the garden at Muisnes

There are no words - I shall be keeping an eye on him in the future - my boy, Luke

Oh my hat!!!

All of my kids have been obsessed with this World War II type oxygen mask. Luke once spent a whole weekend wearing it. We only managed to pry it off his head at meal times and when he slept.

1 comment:

  1. Oh what a lekka laugh Helene!! That room is worth a LOT!! Love Cole's theatrical side!