My 2nd name

My 2nd name
17 December 2012

Well, I suppose technically at least it’s not my real 2^nd name as I already have one of those.  And truth be told not many people (read that as no one) ever uses my official 2^nd name.  And even more don’t even know what it is.  Unless you’re a Facebook friend of course, because then you will know, as I use it on my profile.  Got you confused yet?  Good!  So, for those of you not in the know, my official 2^nd name is “Magda”.  It also happens to be a part of my Mom’s name, who was christened Magdalene, but everyone calls her Maggie.  Sure you’re not confused?  Such a pity.  Let me give it another bash.  I was never even supposed to have a little “Magda” tagged onto the back of my name, but my Dad said that when he went to register my name, the solitary “Helene” just looked so sad and lonely.  So on a whim, he just went with it and added a bonus name.  Right!  Now I’ve got you.  However, all of this is of course completely irrelevant.  Especially as this particular blog is actually about my 3^rd name.

Because, my 2^nd name pales in comparison to my 3^rd name.  Perhaps a slightly less official name as it doesn’t even appear on my birth certificate.  Yet a name nonetheless.  And so without any further ado, I give to you my 3^rd name…..(dramatic silence)…..(followed by drumroll)…..(followed by more dramatic silence)……….  My 3^rd name is …..”Mommy-I’m-hungry”.  I know – not a very glamorous moniker at all.  But there it is.  Truth be told, I had kind of expected the “Mommy” bit – especially as I was a mother after all.  However, the continual “I’m-hungry” addition to my name, came as a bit of a surprise.

My children seem to be bottomless pits.  Continually demanding filling and feeding.  Throwing fresh fruit at them seems to help, yet this is only a short term solution to an ever-present daily and long term problem.  Who would have thought, that food would be such a focus for them.  It feels as if I’ve no sooner fed them, than they need feeding again.  Is this entirely normal?  And yes, we’ve done the gruesome and unpalatable deworming process many times throughout the years.  This is clearly not the problem.

I have deduced through my cunning investigative and detective skills, as well as my keen powers of observation, that their “hunger” is quite often directly related to their boredom levels.  And what is rather peculiar, is that a hunger of this nature, cannot be fed with the usual food.  Jungle Oats, a sandwich or 2 minute noodles won’t do.  This type of hunger needs flapjacks, pancakes and waffles.  And many other favourite foods too.  Apparently a fall-back position when not knowing what to do with yourself, is to eat.  And so to combat this, I give my kids chores and little jobs.  I also have a few failsafe replies to the “Mommy-I’m-hungry” statement.  Such as “how about building a puzzle?” or “why don’t you go for a swim?” (note that this only works in summer) or “reading is such fun” or “I have got a very important job for you to do” (followed by some menial task like counting the individual spaghetti sticks in a pack) or “go right around the whole garden, but you have to pretend that you are a detective, so you have to be really, really quiet and only walk in the shadows” or “please fill the salt and pepper cellars”, etc.  In fact my list of distracting techniques is rather long and my repertoire is rather large.  When all else fails and only if I’m really, really desperate I resort to an old favourite - “let’s play the quiet game”.  This is an extremely effective measure, but it’s powerful properties gets diminished by frequent and abusive usage.  It is reserved for emergencies only – use with caution.  Please be aware though, that the powers of this last measure, severely diminishes as kids get older – so while you must use it with caution and care, use it while you can.  You have a window of opportunity.  By age ten, you’ve in all likelihood lost your window.

But enough about my 3^rd name and time to move on to my 4^th.  Also a variation on the Mommy theme.  In fact names five, six and seven are too.  My 4^th name is “Mommy-it’s-not-fair” – to which I normally reply, “nor is life, get over it”.  My 5^th name is “Mommy-it’s-not-my-fault” – to which I inevitably reply – “sure dear, it’s never your fault”.  This said with dripping sarcasm.  I know, I’m a horrible parent.  My 6^th name is “Mommy-do-we-really-have-to-go-to-bed-now”?  The answer to this little gem is always “YES”.  Because if I’ve reached this point, then negotiation is over.  And my 7^th name is “Mommy-just-five-more-minutes-please”.  Please refer to my answer with regards to my 6^th name.  Because to quote “if I’ve reached this point, then negotiation is over”.

I have many, many more names.  Most of them preceded by Mommy.  And I love each and every one of them.  Truly I do.  Because even though these names might annoy me and test my patience at times, they remind me that I am indeed lucky enough to be called “Mommy”.  And “Mommy” is the best name in the whole world.

And thus, my kids had flapjacks for breakfast this morning and they weren’t even “hungry” yet.