My ovaries do a loop
11 December 2012
You know that feeling when you go up or down an elevator and your whole stomach lifts and turns? It’s a funny weightless type of thing. Like your whole body is on the 5th floor, but your stomach is still on the 9th floor. Right, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Well, I get that exact same feeling when I see a baby, irrespective of age or a pregnant woman. Sometimes I don’t even need either. A pram, baby car seat, heck even the nappies in the aisle at the shops have the same effect. How truly bizarre.
I suspect I suffer from Empty Womb Syndrome and will hereafter refer to it as EWS. Because people take acronyms and abbreviations really seriously, I shall name EWS as my “disease”. And I fear that I will probably forever more suffer from EWS. I would say “YES!!!” to another baby without even having to give it another thought. In a heartbeat in fact. I wish I would fall pregnant again, because I enjoy pregnancy equally much, not just the whole baby bit. The whole swelling tummy thing just fills me with joy. It is such a very, very special feeling and a truly wonderful time in a woman’s life. However precautions have been set in place to avoid just such an eventuality. But oh how I wish they would fail. Because should they fail, I would be able to present my Grantie with a fait accompli, and he would simply have to consent.
One of my very favourite parts of pregnancy is right in the beginning, when you’re not even showing yet. I remembering walking around, doing my thing, going about my day, shopping, walking past people and thinking that I had the most delicious of secrets tucked right inside of me. I feel so sorry for men, as they can’t fully experience the same sense of connection to their unborn child that a mother does. The bond is incredible and lasts a lifetime.
Or perhaps the best part of pregnancy is the middle part, when you’re absolutely glowing and showing your belly with pride. Yes, I really, really love that part. Normally by this stage, if you’re inquisitive like me you know exactly if you’re having a blue or a pink baby and can start planning accordingly. Your cupboards are starting to fill up and the baby gear supply too. You buy nappies and wet wipes every time you go to the shops and regularly unpack all of the loot to admire it all. How teeny tiny and cutesie it all is.
Or maybe my very bestest, bestest part is right at the end. When you’re just waiting to pop. When everything is ready and the only missing ingredient is the baby. The hospital bag is packed. Telephone lists have been made. Plans set in motion. All of the baby clothes have been pre-washed and the new baby bedroom is just waiting for its tiny little occupant. Your feet are all swollen and your tummy is stretched tight. Sleeping is uncomfortable and it feels as though your baby is practicing trampoline jumps on your bladder. I absolutely loved the feeling of my babies still moving inside me. How they were able to do complete summersaults when there still was enough room. Amber was a hectic kicker. Or perhaps she was merely practicing her dance moves. All I remember is that she kicked me so hard, I had a permanent bruise on the outside of my belly in one specific spot. It stayed for weeks and weeks. I suspect it was when she was in her final position that she kept on jabbing me there. I also loved it when they had hiccups and you could feel it. So sweet. Luke and Amber both lay with their heads on my tummy, feeling Cole have hiccups – such a funny sensation. I still very often wake up in the morning, having dreamt that I was pregnant and how the baby moved. So utterly magical. Hard to describe to someone who has not gone through it.
There is a beautiful and magical quote that I saw somewhere and it said “We have a very special bond, you and I. Because nobody else knows what my heartbeat sounds like from the inside”. Aaaaahhh!
So come on Grantie – have a heart. Just one more baby? Pretty please. I’ll do all of the work, I promise. I’ll breastfeed and get up in the night. I’ll do nappies and sleep patrol too. I’ve placed my order already and our next baby would definitely be a little girl. I already have her name all picked out – Tara. Just think about it. The bond between sisters is incredible and amazing. How can we deny Amber this?
Sadly, I think that Grant is on to me by now. He knows that I will forever say, “just one more baby, please”. So he’s hedging his bets and flat-out refusing. Such a pity for sure. But still I’ll continue to dream, about little Tara. I’m sure she’d be a cutie. Or maybe I’ve already had her? I did have a miscarriage between Luke and Amber. We were convinced it was a little girl. I still have all of her scans and some baby booties too. All tucked in a special little girlie bag. And when we lost the baby and I was so terribly distraught, my Mom said to me “don’t worry – Daddy will look after her for you”.
So to Tara and my Dad – till we meet again.