Swearing - honestly it's just so much fun

Swearing - honestly it's just so much fun
10 December 2012

No, don’t go pretend to be all pious.  Most people swear.  Me included.  And I’m sure if you’re being fully truthful, you’ll admit that you do too.  For some it is harmless words and for others the degree of harshness is a lot more, well harsh.  But then again, I suppose the perceived harshness is in the eye of the beholder.  It all depends on your frame of reference you see.  What’s hectic for some, is hardly considered to be cussing for others.

I often say “crap” which I suppose is not all that bad.  It sure beats the f-word for one.  However for me, my personal favourite swear word of all time is “testicle”.  I use it all the time.  It is usually followed by numerous exclamation marks when I utter it and is normally said quite loudly too.  It is just too marvellously descriptive.  It expresses frustration, anger, disappointment, irritation as well as a virtual host of other emotions.

In fact, I tend to forget that it is actually a biologically descriptive word, referring to the gentle male bollock area.  For me, it has become as everyday common as the word “damn”.  It’s just far more entertaining to use and usually manages to lift my spirits just by saying it.  And just to clarify, I never use the word and think of the actual male scrotum (a most unpleasant looking appendage let’s be honest) when I utter it.  Gross!!!  Eeeuuuwww!!!  That’s just plain nasty!

But I’m a versatile type of girl, so I do like a bit of variety.  Occasionally I indulge in the word “testes” expressing a double dose of frustration, anger, disappointment, irritation as well as a virtual host of other emotions too.  As previously stated.  The problem comes in when one of my kids accidently say it.  Rather less charming, I can assure you.  Though to be honest, they only made the mistake once.  Once!  Naturally I shrieked “testicle!!!” when they did.  Probably a wee bit counter-productive.  And I have subsequently had to explain what they dictionary definition of the word is.  Amber’s face was absolutely priceless.  Though I did couch my words very nicely, she is now fully aware of what it actually means.  It filled her with horror.  Mission accomplished.

But please, cut me some slack.  Mild swearing as a vice is probably not all that bad.  I don’t drink, do drugs or succumb to other even worse vices – though I can’t really think of worse vices to be fair.  Perhaps murder and theft would fall in this category?  For the most part, I am pretty disciplined about not swearing in front of my kids.  And I will never do it if they’ve got a friend in tow.  I like to set a good example, but I’m human after all.

There is an old adage which is “despite our very best intentions, our children learn from our example”.  Which in itself is quite a scary concept.  It’s no use preaching something to your kids, yet not living up to your preachings in your own life.  A hard task at times for sure.

Yet parents are flawed.  And personally I’m flawed pretty badly.  Perhaps it’s actually a good thing?  We make mistakes too.  It helps to keep us grounded and humble and shows our kids that we do slip occasionally too.  For us parents, flawing is equally good.  It reminds us that though it is good to set the bar quite high for our kids, it’s also good to remain realistic.  Mistakes do happen.  Look how many we make – continually too.

So I will try and be better and swear less.  But here’s the thing.  Exclamations of “testicle” are simply so much fun.  So I shall have to go on the hunt for a replacement word.  One that would meet all of my requirements.  It has to be slightly ridiculous and a bit unusual too.  Merely saying it has to defuse a situation and give me a bit of a laugh.  A bit of a shock value also goes a long way.

Any suggestions?  Perhaps “polystyrene” or “archipelago” (one of my most favourite words).  Or what about “vasectomy” or “hysterectomy”?  So come on, feel free to engage.  Suggestions are welcome and might even be considered.

Oh testicle!  Just remembered I’ve got to…..

I admit - I do this

But perhaps I should rather try this