Monday, 22 October 2012

Today I saw my Dad - I swear!!!

Today I saw my Dad - I swear!!!
22 October 2012

Today I saw my Dad!  I swear I did.  And it was utterly marvellous.  Well, he did look a bit different, truth be told.  But I suppose I should write that down to the fact that it was actually my uncle and not my Dad at all.

I haven’t seen my uncle, for quite a few years, probably about 5 years or so.  And seeing him today was quite surreal.  It truly felt like I was seeing a bit of my Dad again.  They have a lot of the same mannerisms and habits.  And there’s a little bit of shared looks as well.  To me, he doesn’t look older since the last time I saw him.  And I wonder if my Dad would also have aged as well.  Genetics is a funny thing after all.  One can simply never tell.

He gave me the biggest, squeeziest hug, in fact more than one – somehow slightly reminiscent of my Dad’s famous hugs.  Nearly lifting me off my feet – a none too easy task. 

He comes from my Dad’s branch of the family – my Dad’s brother to be exact.  And apart from my Gran, Ouma Cathy, whom I see very often, the rest of us don’t see much of each other at all.  Sadly there was a little silly family misunderstanding, which somehow got exponentially bigger.  A split between my Uncle and his family and ours.  Quite an unusual experience for me, as the Lombard’s don’t operate like this at all.  But it would appear that a Loubser problem, could not be dealt with in a Lombard way.  The way I’m used to things, problems are discussed immediately and ironed out quickly.  With no hard feelings held.  Nothing to brew about.  So the Loubser way was rather peculiar to me.  Sort of an ostrich thing I think.  And given time the mole hill managed to morph into a mountain.  My dad would have been none too pleased.

I very seldom see my Loubser cousins.  And two of the three live in the UK.  I have lots of contact with one in particular though - Facebook makes the world really small.  It would be great if the proverbial hatchet would be buried.  It is something which deeply troubles my mom and my gran alike.  Personally, none of us kids, had any matter in the tiff.  And I think in general there is confusion about the cause.

But be that as it may, I loved seeing my uncle today.  A rare glimpse of my dad is always good.  And though I “see” my dad often in my dreams, today was bittersweet.

It made me remember seeing my Dad and his brother together.  The way my gran used to glow when she had both of her boys with her.  As only a mother can when all of her offspring are under one roof.

Perhaps today was a bit of a symbolic olive branch from my uncle.  And I truly believe that he also enjoyed seeing me.  For one, he kept on saying it, inviting Grant, the kids and I over for a night or so.  And for two, genuine emotion is hard to fake.  But then again, we never had any beef between the two of us.  And to my mind at least “the incident” was a miscommunication.  And had one looked at the intention behind it, familial relations would never have suffered.

Irrespective of it all, “seeing” my Dad again was awesome.  And good for the soul.  I think I’ll probably have a little warm glow for quite a while.  See you again soon…


  1. Frank and Don were my favourite cousins, we almost grew up together, and you are so right - every time I see Don I also see Frank. Michael x

  2. This made me cry Helene. I know exactly what you mean about Don's hugs and that he is so like Daddy. I have always said Don is the best hugger, and so glad you enjoyed it. I still struggle to know what terrible thing it is that I did to cause this misunderstanding. How sad for all of us.

  3. It breaks my heart that you, Maggie, of all people, should feel this pain. You are the most loving, kind hearted person I know, who ALWAYS has the best intentions and puts others first. Hopefully this is the beginning of some healing, as time has a way of making things better. Love you Mags.

  4. I just read that " Love, not time, heals all wounds." We got a lot of love to go round!