Wednesday, 24 October 2012

High on a hill there's a.....

High on a hill there's a.....
24 October 2012

Yes, yes, a lonely goatherd.  We all know that one.  So what?

Well, the point is this.  As a child (and even as a teenager, and while we’re having a bout of honesty here, even as an adult) I gorged myself on the Sound of Music and I can truly say that it is one of my all-time favourite movies.  Such an uplifting, happy, inspirational, nice-girl-makes-good-and-gets-the-guy type of movies.  And then of course, there’s the singing.  And we all know just how much I love to sing.  I know every word of every song.  I know the order of the songs and can even re-enact some parts.  I know, I’m pretty sad and seriously need to get out more.

So, here’s the thing.  I blame Julie Andrews.  No, really I do.  It’s all her fault.  She created a completely unrealistic expectation of what being a mother is like.  She was all “raindrops on roses”, rowing in little boats, teaching them catchy songs and making ever so dashing outfits from the drapes in her bedroom.  I mean, jeez!  Who can compete with that??? 

She made loving children, even though they were not her own, look so easy.  She was understanding and compassionate.  She was creative and fun.  She was quirky and had a great sense of humour.  She had a beautiful voice, a lovely figure, good hair and was able to dance.  And for her final little coup d’tat, she even managed to entrap the ever so fit Captain Von Trapp.  As a little girl I thought he was ever so suave and handsome.  A real gentleman, although he was a wee bit austere in the beginning. 

No mere mortal mom can compete with her brilliance.  But then perhaps, “movie-world” is merely to be seen as wonderful escapism and not to be taken too seriously.  Yet, I probably was unable to differentiate.

So this is where I’m at on “The-Julie-Andrews-Mother-of-the-year-award” stakes:

·         I don’t sew – so I seriously lucked out there.  Apart from my limited and self-taught crafting sewing skills, my sole sewing repertoire with my kids consists of sewing blue tinsel onto Amber’s angel dress, which I borrowed from a friend, whilst sitting outside in the car, on the morning of the Chatterbox Xmas Concert.  And sewing big brown spots onto an outfit for Luke one year when he was a cow, also in a Chatterbox Xmas Concert.  That’s it.  And let’s be honest, neither attempt would have survived closer scrutiny and inspection.  The thought of what I’d do to a pair of drapes is dreadful.  Or wait, maybe if I lay my kids down on the drapes and simply cut around their body outlines, and merely stapled the bits together, I’d make some rather fetching ensembles.  Now, the question is this – exactly what are drapes?  Personally, I only have curtains and blinds.  Oh, well!  That’s hardly my fault, so I guess I’m off the hook there.

·         The lovely voice, is an ambition, not entirely realised.  Not that it puts me off at all.  Perseverance and all that.  And just today when I took Amber to her dancing lesson and the two of us were singing Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody loudly, I re-iterated my need for a microphone in the car.  I’m quite convinced that it will improve my vocal prowess.  Note to self – speak to Albert.  He’s sure to have one lying around.  Alternatively a kiddies one will simply have to do.

·         I REALLY don’t have the whole good-hair-thing going for me.  I have little tufts that stick up on the sides, which Grant unkindly calls my horns.  Personally I think his comments are purely motivated by jealousy – what with him being bald and all.

·         The lovely figure is an on-going strive.  The best I can hope for is a modicum of medium-ish weight and the clever disguise of flattering clothes.  At present I am dieting like mad, because Grant and I have got a black tie event coming up in just under two weeks’ time.  I have the most amazing, stunning, gorgeous dress that I would love to wear.  A dress I confess to being completely in love with.  And one that I blatantly abuse any opportunity to wear.  However, at present, I fear that the only part of my stunning evening outfit I might fit into, are my shoes.  But, hey, that’s a start.  Slowly but surely though, the weight is coming off and I hope that by the end of the week, I might be able to fit into my earrings as well.  And then from there it’s just a short leap…..

·         Dancing – I have two left feet.  Enough said.  It ain’t pretty people.

·         Now, when it comes to the raindrops on roses thing, I don’t do it in a singsong style with my kids.  It’s more of a “you are so lucky because…….”, and “you can be so grateful for…..”.  Which probably does detract from the true gist of the original song a bit.

·         As for Captain Von Trapp, I sure managed to trap my very own version.  When Grant and I were still in the beginning phases of getting to know each other, before even going out, I saw him in his Navy Ice Cream uniform.  Well, I nearly melted in a puddle, I tell you.  So, he wasn’t a commander.  So he didn’t have a whistle.  So he didn’t have a small platoon of kids.  I didn’t care.  For me it was close enough.

·         I love kids.  Passionately.  But even I pale at the thought of seven!  How did that poor woman do it???  And for me at least, after the magical cathedral wedding, I always imagined Maria adding to their brood.  She was clearly made from sterner stuff than me.

·         Now, as for loving my kids, I’m afraid I do beat her on that score.  Because I adore my three, and would happily add at least another one or two to my family.  And I know without a shadow of a doubt that I could love any child.  Not merely one that I had a hand in creating.

So, to quote the Mother Superior, how do you solve a problem like Maria?  Well, I think you take it all with a little pinch of salt.  You do the best you can.  You love them like mad and the rest will sort itself out.

And as for the movie?  Simply enjoy it.  It truly is magical. 

May I present to you.....the lonely goatherd
Our goatherd's "flock", so to speak
Maria a.k.a. Julie Andrews, looking as lovely as ever.
A man who knows his way around an instrument
The very fit looking Captain Von Trapp - he cleans up real good
Maria's children from another mother
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu


  1. This one made me laugh out loud!! Good one!

  2. Oh my goodness - so funny!