Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Revisiting the stereotype.

Revisiting the stereotype
23 March 2012

In response to "I've become a stereotype", my friend Christalla's husband Cammy came up with a few ideas (in blue) and then I just elaborated on the same theme (in black).

I think as parents we need to stand together and ask for the following:

Firstly there should be a public holiday named after us we could call it "Parents Rights Day"
We should call a National Strike for a week at the beginning of the next term which means.....
No dropping off anywhere.
No picking up from anywhere to take to any place....easier for Somerset west kids.
No feeding.
No washing.
No cleaning.
No pocket money.
No buying of essential items i.e. toiletries, branded clothes, sports equipment, lost items of uniform etc. etc. etc.

Only once we have received a formal letter of apology written in correct grammatical English, in their own handwriting, written on paper without lines, will we then consider going back to being parents.
I’ve become a stereotype – revisited:

I fully agree with Cammy's idea and would like to add a few suggestions.

During our week of protest movements there shall be an embargo on them nagging at us about our dancing in public.  We will definitely need banners – note to Gill – will contact you about these.  After carefully scrutinizing numerous protest marches on TV, we would definitely need a dance to push our point home during our demonstrations.  Perhaps something resembling the Macarena?

During this time, we will be allowed to select our teenagers’ clothing.  Girls dresses will not be allowed to be higher than 10cm from the knee.  Showing of bra-straps and cleavage will not be permitted.  Boys will have to wear their pants on their midline and not on their crotch-line.  We don’t want to see their boxers – no matter how funky they are.  Apart from anything else, it looks bloody uncomfortable and I am sure it involves clenching to prevent them from falling off?

During our week of protest movement, we will be allowed to cook food more suitable for an adult palate.  There will be curries.  Two minute noodles will be removed from the menu.  And yes, vegetables are indeed essential.

During our week of protest movement, the TV remote will at all times be in possession of an adult.  There will be no children related cartoons.  Any programme, not featuring actual real characters, will not be allowed.  There will be no “pimping my ride” and “sweet sixteen” M-TV type programmes permitted.  Sighing whilst parents are watching the news is against the rule.

Encouraging children to play outside is highly recommended.  This is not to be seen as torture.  Children will hand over all electronic devices, including cellphones and i-pods.  Appropriate reading material will be made available to them.

Parents will be allowed to wear clothing of their own choice, without comments such as “Are you really going to wear that?”.  

Fetching them five minutes late from school will not be seen as a natural disaster.  Homework will be completed early in the afternoon.  The family computer and printer will only be available between 15h15 and 16h15 for the express purpose of gathering information for projects.  Any requests for last minute and late night projects involving pictures needed of the lesser-known-spotted-toad of the Amazon forest or mating habits of the three-toed sloth, will not be pandered to.  Large scale colour printing of “cool” slogans and signs will not be permitted.  Downloading of songs will not be permitted.

We would definitely need a “Parents Freedom Charter”, listing our demands.  We could hold a march and submit our demands to…..  Come to think of it, who is their leader?  Little Wayne, LMFAO, T-payne?  Where are their headquarters?  Do they even have an HQ?

Requests for help around the house will be met with enthusiasm.  Expecting a child to wash the dishes is not an infringement of their human rights and does not qualify as child labour.  Bedrooms will be kept tidy.  School bags will be packed the night before and uniforms will also be taken out the night before.  Mad dashing around at 7h00 in the morning looking for PT shorts will be severely frowned upon.  School tests will not be signed be parents in the morning.  They will rather be submitted for perusal to the parent when they get home from school.  Parents are allowed to comment on said tests and express disappointment in poor results.  Parents are allowed to make contact with teachers.  Parents are allowed on school premises.  Parents are allowed to greet friends of teenagers or wave at them in passing.  Parents are permitted their own social life.  Parents will listen to their own taste in music in the car – performed by people who don’t have abbreviations for names.  Items left behind at home will not be taken to school. 

Teenagers will pack their own school lunches, filled with nutritious and healthy snacks and they will actually eat them.  There will be no tuckshop. 

Teenagers may ply their parents with heartfelt compliments, declarations of love and outpourings of public affection.  Copious cups of coffee or tea, lovingly made will also help.

We should stand together and present a united front.  We may just succeed in delivering well adjusted, normal functioning, pleasant, polite individuals into this world.

If not, then at least there’s therapy.  Lots and lots of therapy…

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