Sunday, 29 July 2012

Hi! My name is Helene and I'm goofy.

Hi! My name is Helene and I'm goofy.
29 July 2012

Okay, so I’m the first to admit I’m a little bit goofy.  No, actually, I’m a lot goofy as well as kooky and slightly odd.  I’m always humming and singing to myself – more often than not getting looks from others at the shops.  At the moment I’m doing the whole Carmen opera bit.  I also thoroughly enjoy singing loudly in the car and have lately been contemplating getting myself a microphone, so that I at least don’t look like I’m merely talking to myself when I’m driving.  As if I’ll look any better with a microphone while I’m driving - people will still think I’m nuts.  However, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to “up” my game, so to speak if I have a mike.  I mean, technically I’ll know it’s not plugged in, but still.
I have a tendency to bump things off shelves in shops or knock them over – an infliction my kids find mortifying.  I do add to it though, because when something like this happens, I tend to point my finger at whichever of my kids is closest to me, looking around and saying in a loud voice “She/He did it!”.  Oddly enough, I’m the only one who finds this funny.  Imagine that!  Apparently kids are sensitive like that.  Who knew?  So last year at the Noddy’s Party, I went solo with the kids – Grant said that he would rather face a firing squad that do the whole Noddy Party thing again.  Me, personally, I dig the Noddy Party.  Always have and probably always will.  I remember my folks taking me when I was a little kid.  I reckon that I’ll have to start taking strangers’ kids with me, once my kids outgrow it, so that I’ll have a legitimate excuse to still go.  But somehow or other it always takes mammoth co-ordination to get the whole Noddy Party thing together.  It’s at that time of year, when one is inundated with Xmas parties, class parties, farewell parties and birthday parties.  And last year, the only tickets that were still available to us, were for the very last Noddy Party of the season.  It also happened to be the day after the schools broke up for their 6 week long holidays.  And I had just survived Amber’s 10th Birthday party with a whole bunch of girls sleeping over.  And then Amber had someone else’s party that afternoon and then straight from there we dashed off to Noddy’s.  So, basically, I had overbooked us.  To add to that, I had also invited one of Amber’s friends along as well as a cousin.  I know – I’m a sucker for punishment.  So, in a nutshell, my kids were actually overtired and ratty by this stage – naturally I was still my normal scintillating self (right…). 

So once I finally got all of us there, did the walk in the enchanted forest, greeted the creatures in the forest, parked the car, carted out all of our picnic gear, set up our spot, etc. I was completely pooped.  And then my darling little Berry had a wobble because she was thirsty and she had to wait for me to first get all of our gear together.  But the straw that broke the camel’s back for her, was when she opened her sparkling water and it squirted all over her, from being jiggled on our journey.  She had a complete meltdown because she was wet all over and she was absolutely 100% convinced that every single person at the Noddy Party would think that she had wee’d all over herself.  I told her to calm down, that it would dry quickly, that nobody would notice, that it was nearly dark already and that nobody could see and that she just had to suck it up as we had no clean clothes for her.  But would she stop?  No sirree, Bob.  She whinged and whinged and whinged and to be honest she was being a real drama queen and taking herself far too seriously.  All she had done was spill water on herself, not walk around with her panties on her head – nobody cared.  So eventually, in desperation I did 'my thing' as a sort of hope that it would make her realise that she was being ridiculous – I pointed my finger at her, looked around and said in a loud voice “She did it!”.  Well, Amber was mortified!  She worked herself up in a complete huff and said to me “Mommy!  When are you going to grow up and start acting like an adult?”.  The truth is, I hope never.  My father had a favourite saying which was “You’re never too old to have a happy childhood” and I truly believe in it.  And I am blessed and lucky because I’m having a happy second childhood as well.
So, I embarrass my kids at times.  Tough luck.  Big deal.  The upside is that I always make them laugh – admittedly sometimes at me, but so what.  I’m willing to pay the price.  I hope that I’m fun with them.  I play with them and enjoy them.  Just this evening Amber gave me a make-up make-over.  Brave woman, I tell you – her, not me.  Lots of glittery eye shadow and bling lip gloss.  I play hockey with them in the garden and we sing loudly in the car.  And let’s be honest, because I’m goofy I give them lots of reason to laugh. 

In the March holidays the kids and I went to my mom for a few days and we had an awesome time as always.  One of the highlights was surfing down the attic staircase on mattresses.  It’s an absolute incredible rush and really exhilarating.  The problem however was my weight ratio as compared to my kids’.  On my solo descent down the staircase, I forgot to add this to my calculations.  The result was that the mattress folded in underneath me and sort of curled up towards the back, which meant that I hit those last five steps with just my bum.  Now, I know that the fat layer on my bum should have cushioned the worst of the bumps, but apparently, it didn’t.  The result was that I broke my coccyx – I kid you not.   And I had a black bruise on my bum, the size of a dinner plate.  I spent about 4 weeks driving around and sitting on one cheek at a time.  The pain truly was excruciating!  I have never experienced anything like it.  I could not sleep, sit, lie, drive, or do anything comfortably.  Amber laughed for about 3 days solid.  If it wasn’t for the red tape involved, I would have strangled her.  Because apart from my delicate derriere, my ego had also taken a huge bruising.  But truth be told at least I gave them a laugh.  It is now nearly four months down the line and I’m still sore, especially if the weather is cold or I’ve been sitting in one position for a long time and have to get up.
On my drive home from my mom’s, I comforted myself with the knowledge of the warm, comforting and sympathetic love that I’d be receiving from my Grantie.  Rude was my awakening though, because when I told him what had happened he said “When are you going to grow up and start acting like an adult?”.

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