I met this totally new person when I had each of my kids. And it was never the baby.

 

I met this totally new person when I had each of my kids. And it was never the baby.

12 April 2024

Nothing quite prepares one for the magic of meeting your baby for the very first time.

 

It’s a uniquely surreal experience. Much anticipated, and it’s a day filled with excitement and so many emotions. Awe, wonder, amazement and gratitude are amongst the flood of many feelings that assails one. And I think the same can be said for most moms and dads. I do understand that there are exceptions to this rule. And I have deep empathy for those who don’t share the same emotions that I did, for whatever reason. There can be so many of those.

 

However on the whole, it is a life changing event that stands out forever more. Etched in one’s memory. It’s like finally unwrapping a gift that’s been brewing and cooking for nine long months. And even longer than that, for those of us who first started planning to have a baby. After all, conception might not happen immediately. It can be years in the making. And I think the same goes whether you give birth or whether you adopt. It’s about embracing a whole new life into your world and accepting full responsibility for this tiny, needy, vulnerable and impressionable little person. One who is fully and completely dependent on you for every single thing.

 

In fact, when you stop to think it about it, it can bring you to your knees. And make you feel like you need to sit down. If you had the time to do so.

 

It’s a mammoth task. One that takes an entire lifetime to invest in. As your kids get older, you may no longer need to feed and bath them and care for their most basic needs, but the nurturing and concern for their wellbeing and happiness never stops. For the rest of your life. I think that one of the facets of what makes it such a complex thing to wrap one’s head around, is that it’s not merely caring for their physical needs. That’s merely one rather one-dimensional part of it. It’s their emotional needs too. Ensuring that you play a vital role in shaping an adult who is well adjusted, before you let them loose onto the world. Confident, kind, loving, caring and completely equipped for the many challenges that we face in life.

 

I had given some headspace to this before having kids. But not much. I was too focused on having a cute little baby to love. And I just couldn’t wait for them to be born. For me, the wonder has never stopped. Not when they became toddlers, little kids, bigger kids, teenagers or even young adults. I absolutely adore my kids. Sappy, but true. Maybe it’s nature’s way? I also think that few things are more pure than a mother’s love for their child. It’s honestly a thing of beauty.

 

So imagine my surprise, when once I had my kids, the totally new person that I met, was not only the baby.

It was me.

 

As a Mom.

 

Now, that was quite a revelation and a big source of amazement.

 

Maybe I should have expected it, but somehow I did not. Oh I loved My Grantie absolutely. And I still do. I loved my mom, sister, brother, their partners, and my nieces as well as my whole extended family. And still do so to this very day.

 

But nothing could ever have quite prepared me for the rush of unconditional love that enveloped me like a warm comfy blanket, when I became a mom. I think motherhood does this for most of us.

 

I didn’t become a whole new person when each of my kids were born. In many ways, I simply became who I was always destined to become. I had just not anticipated the exceptional depth of feeling and emotions. The way it completely flooded me and took hold of my heart, soul and being.

 

I’ve heard it said before and I absolutely agree. Having kids, is like having your heart outside of your body.

 

To this day, it’s been the most joyous, most challenging, most fulfilling and most incredible experience of my life. And it continues to be just that, every single day. That doesn’t change when they get older. I’m still a mom. I’m still their mom.

 

And funny enough, like they’ve grown with my nurturing and love, so I have grown with their nurturing and love. It’s such a beautiful and honest exchange. Absolutely unconditional.

 

And I am so exceptionally grateful, for the phenomenal blessing of being a Mom.

 

And of getting to know me, as a Mom.

 

I think I like me. And that’s pretty cool.

Baby Luke - the one who made me mom when I had just turned 25

Baby Amber - with her flair for drama from the get-go. All purple and blue.

Baby Cole - I was 31 and absolutely thrilled that I managed to squeeze a 3rd baby past Grant