A catch-up with Mildred. My KFC loving alter-ego.

 

A catch-up with Mildred. My KFC loving alter-ego.

9 March 2024

Hello Dearies! It's me, Aunty Mildred.👵🏼

 

I've read on the Facebook that it is always good to introduce yourself to people. My Harold (may he rest in piece) was also a firm believer in looking someone in the eye, shaking their hand and saying, "Harold's the name". 

I was looking at the KFC on that Interweb (Isn’t it a wonderful thing? All of that clicking. Though it does takes a bit of time with my darn arthritic fingers.). Anyway, I was hoping to spoil me and the other crinklies with some chicken over the weekend. But unfortunately I see that there are no specials. It is okay. Maybe I'll ask them at the retirement village, "Autumn Years", to see if they can round up the bus and we can load up a few of the gals and go to that drive-through thingy and get everyone an ice-cream. One of the blessings of having dentures, is that ice-cream is so easy to eat. Why, I can take my teeth right out and suck to my heart's content. Agatha say’s it’s unattractive and very unladylike. But what does she know? She’s just jealous cause mine are far nicer than hers. That underbite of hers is most unbecoming.

 

I’ve always loved that Colonel and his secret blend of eleven herbs and spices. Personally, I’ve always thought that he’s rather soft on the eye. Much like my Harold’s younger brother, Cecil. But that’s a story for another day. I might even have had a chance with him, had that mean spirited Winifred (thrilled by how badly she’s aged) not flashed her skinny legs at him. Or perhaps it was that apple pie that she so shamelessly insisted on making for “the family”. All the time! Out of the kindness of her neighbourly heart. Well, I saw right through that, I did! Brazen hussy! You can’t try and pull a blatantly obvious trick like that without raising suspicions. Perhaps it was for the better that Harold rather preferred my milk tart. To be fair, it’s not the only tart of mine that he liked… If you catch my drift. Oh boy, I bet Agatha will raise her eyebrows again. That biddy better watch out, she doesn’t have many of them left. And she does a terrible job at trying to colour them in.

 

So back to my beloved Colonel’s chicken delights. Now I’ve always been a very big fan of his. Why just the other day, I was speaking Gerald (he moved into Autumn Years a few months ago – shame, his dear Nellie passed away), and whilst playing Bingo, we spoke about our favourite foods. And would you believe it? He loves it too. I’m liking this common ground. And I think it might lead to something in the future. Now, to be fair, my future is not all that long. So I might try to nudge him a bit in the right direction. By making some pie? 

 

Look, it’s not that I don’t miss my dear Harold (may he rest in piece), but Gerald is a wonderful cravat-wearing-gentleman. And don’t you just love a snappy dresser? In addition, he’s got a full head of hair! None of that unattractive comb-over stuff. And he doesn’t smell of moth balls. Also a huge big advantage. His kids are all grown up and happily settled, living far away. So they won’t be interfering. Which suits me perfectly!

 

Anyway, dearies. I have to go. Agatha has just popped in to let me know that the Bridge game is starting now at 1pm and I still want to fluff up my hair and change out of my slippers. At least, that's what I think she said. I didn't feel like her ragging me today, so I turned my hearing aid off.

Wait, now that I think about it, Gerald will be there too. Perhaps I should just dab something nice behind my ears. Perhaps I can allure him with my perfume? And a smidgen of lipstick won't go amiss either. Why, I might even try to stay between the lines this time. Though I have seen on the Facebook that the young people do so like those big lips. Personally I think they resemble pufferfish. But I'm a modern woman. And more than happy to do my part by trying to stay up to date with what those milleniums (or is it millenials or maniacles?) are doing. So wish me luck. I shall report back soon.

 

Keep well dearies,

Your Aunty Mildred 🍗