I once fell head over heels in love with an Octogenarian

 

I once fell head over heels in love with an Octogenarian

30 March 2024

Being happily married, and about 32 at the time, it took me completely and utterly by surprise, that I once fell completely and utterly in love with an octogenarian.

 

My Oupa Alby had died when I was about sixteen years old. I think it was in 1988. And we had all just assumed that that would be it for our Ouma Cathy. She would simply be single for the rest of her life. In fact, I am quite convinced that she thought exactly the same.

 

And then, when she was about 81 years old, roughly 17 years after Oupa Alby died, she invited my Mom, my sister and I for a visit and lunch. It was always a treat to see her and spend time with her. She lived in Durbanville at the time in a lovely secure retirement village. It was an awesome spot, with a spacious home and a beautiful big garden, just the way she liked it.

 

And upon this occasion, Ouma told us about her friend, Pietie. They had been to school together, when they were kids, in their home town of Malmesbury. And would you believe it, but he lived really close to her and they’d met up again. We thought it was a lovely sweet story and were happy for her that she’d made a “new” friend and that she’d have some more company. But to be fair, we didn’t really think much more of it. Apart from gratitude for a wonderful friendship.

 

Now, the next time we went there for lunch again, we met Oom Pietie. And he was a delight! By this time, he was mentioned constantly in phone conversations. So personally, I felt as though I knew him already. In addition, I was very fond of him for making Ouma so happy and I was so grateful for their endearing friendship. It was adorable.

 

And then a few weeks later, when we went for lunch again with Ouma Cathy, Oom Pietie was once again there. But we were expecting it by this stage and he was truly lovely. Such a kind and sweet person. Old word charm from a forgotten era, and a true gentleman. Impeccable manners, always dressed smartly, hair ever so neat, extremely polite, friendly, engaging and yes, indeed lovely. His marvelous sense of humour was a fantastic additional bonus. And whilst we were all busy chatting, Ouma Cathy just piped up and said, “Pietie en ek gaan trou”. Which for those non-Afrikaans speakers, translates as “Pietie and I are getting married”. It was very unexpected and a big surprise, yet we were so thrilled for the two of them. They were like a couple of teenagers in love. Even holding hands. My heart! So very cute!

 

On the 22^nd of July 2006 they were married at my uncle’s restaurant in St Helena Bay. And it was such a fabulous celebration of second chances, "young” love, true friendship and families melding and joining. All of us instantly took to Oom Pietie’s family. His awesome children, who in turn had also completely embraced Ouma Cathy and welcomed her, and by definition us, into their family fold. I even recall Oom Pietie making a very naughty speech at their wedding reception, after the service. Joking about the thing that all newlyweds do. You know, hanky panky. And we thought it was very cheeky and loved his sense of humour even more.

 

Somehow, Oom Pietie, quickly became Oupa Pietie. And they had 15 wonderful years together, before Ouma Cathy went to a special farm. Shortly after they got married, they moved to a lovely retirement village, very close to me. And I saw them often. Random little visits all the time. I’d visit them and they’d pop in and visit me and my family. But then Covid happened and with it things became more complicated. During Covid I did their shopping for them weekly and once lockdown restrictions eased up, I was once more able to visit them. During hard lockdown, I could not enter the retirement village. And on the odd occasion, when they were allowed to leave their home, they'd meet me at the gate, and I'd hand them their groceries, after it had been dutifully sanitised. Albeit at a safe distance. It was always a delight. I completely understood the need to keep elderly people safe from Covid and minimise exposure. But it was hard.

 

I loved brightening their days with thoughtful little gestures. I’d drop their groceries off for them and always include a handwritten lyric from an old Afrikaans folk song. Or an old Afrikaans poem. Amber would bake them treats and I’d take them spoils. But in the same vein, they were exceptionally thoughtful towards me and my family too. Plant cuttings from their garden, a brand new watering can so I could water my garden and so many other incredibly kind gestures. They would always ensure that they had my favourite sweets on hand and insisted that I take a handful each time I left. The kind of thing that grandparents do.

 

I was terribly worried about Oupa Pietie, after Ouma Cathy passed away. And I couldn’t bear the thought of him being lonely. So I ensured that I visited him as often as I could. And I phoned him regularly too. I was also in constant contact with his children. Occasionally he’d join us to watch the rugby. And I thoroughly enjoyed any time spent with him. His kids live far away, so often when I’d visit him, I’d do a video call with his kids, so they could see him too. When Grant and I had Covid, he got in his car, baring in mind that he was in his 90's by that stage. He bought us pizza’s and dropped it off for us. Extremely unexpected. I just got a phonecall from him, telling me that he was outside with a surprise for us. He even brought us some groceries too on another occasion.

 

One of the things that I loved the most about him, was his heart. It was so very, very soft and small. And absolutely pure. He often got emotional and weepy. Every time he’d see me, he’d tear up. Every time I left, he’d tear up again. Somehow, he truly loved me unconditionally. I felt so honoured to have a special place in his heart. And I know that it was unreserved, sincere and completely mine. We just had a bond. Based on love. As uncomplicated as that. Pure, simple, genuine and just so heartfelt.

 

The feeling was entirely mutual.

 

Towards the end, he got confused. But it didn’t matter. He was happy in the world where he was. He got to see my Ouma Cathy. Spend time with his first wife. Visit with his parents. See his son. And enjoy his beloved farm. All in his head. His eyes would glow and often mist over. He was in a happy place, filled with happy memories.

 

He finally went to a special farm last year. To be with my Ouma Cathy, his first wife, his parents and his son, who sadly died when he was so very, very young.

 

I miss him dearly. Think of him often. And remember him fondly.

 

He was unique. Special. And he was my much beloved Oupa Pietie.

 

Rus sag, Ou Groote. Ek verlang vreeslik baie.

 

Jy was ‘n baie dapper muis gewees. Asseblief stuur baie liefde vir Ouma.