Posts
Foefie, her Robin, and the twenty year age gap
4 April 2024
Funny how having an age gap can
sometimes play a role in a relationship. Yet sometimes also not.
This goes for all relationships,
albeit friendship or romantic. So many of our pre-conceived ideas are woven
into our perception of a number. When you break it down like that, it’s odd,
right? I was never really all that much into maths… I mean is there really a
wrong or right?
From my observation of romantic
couples, there’s usually a relatively small age gap. The man is generally older.
Usually by a maximum of five years or so, but mostly it’s less than that. And
the most commonplace norm. Give or take, here and there. When the woman is
older, there are always comments and a fair bit of ribbing that goes on.
My Grantie is just shy of five
years older than me. And it’s funny how it’s impacted on silly things. Like our
frame of reference when it comes to the music we grew up with in our childhood
homes. Which also makes sense, as there is more than a ten year age gap between
his parents and mine. It also played a role in the music we listened to, once
we became teenagers. Which is the age when most people first start diving into
developing their own sense of taste with regards to music. As well as what they’re
exposed to on the radio at the time. What was popular, what was being played at
parties, what they slow danced to when they had their first smooch, and the
like.
And as for fashion choices, age
can definitely play a role here too. Back in the day, My Grantie had a blanket
jacket. Shudder! Gladly I never witnessed it in the flesh. For those of you not
in the know, those jackets were made of the kind of grey stuffing recycled
fabric, that is used for dog’s blankets nowadays. I somehow just missed that
fad. And I’m ever so grateful for it. Nothing wrong with it per se, I just
skipped it because of timing. Lucky me!
My sister is nearly seven years
younger than me. Loads of commonality having grown up in the same home. She listened
to my music when I was a teenager, whether she wanted to or not, as I had a
keen interest in music, and tried to lay claim to the Hi-Fi at home as much as
possible. When my annoying parents weren’t annexing it, that is. And by definition,
we also listened to our parents’ music choices. Yet, she soon also developed
her own musical and fashion choices. And thus by default, I was exposed to her “younger”
tastes.
Now what is interesting to me, is
the fact that my darling sister’s husband is exactly 20 years and 6 months
older than what she is. Quite a substantial age gap, without a doubt. Yet it’s
never been an issue. Her husband, Robin has always been youthful. In looks, his
outlook on life and basically just the essence of him. And as the years have
passed, their age gap has become less noticeable, and the gap has shrunk. However
when they first got together, she was just twenty years old and he was forty. It
was a thing. Mostly I suppose because at age forty, you’ve got some life
experience under your belt, not just years. She was an unencumbered twenty year
old, having just finished studying, on the brink of starting her life. A huge
blank canvas to be filled. Whereas Robin had already done a fair bit of painting
on his canvas. It stands to reason. He had two previous marriages, three kids
and loads of living he’d done already. And she had not.
I remember them being in the
starting phases of their relationship. There was a huge spark. Though in
hindsight, the term spark seems far too mild. Katrine came home one night from
going out with him (one of their first dates) and sat on the bed with me and My
Grantie and we spoke about it. Was the age going to insurmountable? Should she
dive in further before she was even more smitten? Was there too much stuff and “baggage”?
Now baggage as such, is not a necessarily a bad thing. But it takes a brave
twenty year old to take on two ex-wives and three kids – let’s keep it real
here. And I remember saying to her, that the future is always uncertain. What if he was the one? And
that having a chance at unequalled happiness in the now was worth the risk in
my opinion. Could she really turn her back on it?
I don’t think my words were
particularly profound, but she’s often reminded me of them and what an impact they
had. And she has always said that Robin feels that he owes us a huge debt, for
batting for him in those early days. But I saw with utter clarity, that you can’t
deny yourself in the now, for fear of a possible what if sometime down the line.
I’ve always believed that love conquers all. That it’s the most powerful life
source on earth. Able to accomplish anything. And that if you followed your
heart, yet still went in with your eyes wide open, you would find true
happiness and fulfilment. And I know that in their case they did.
The rest I suppose, is history. She
was already more than halfway in love with him by that stage. And him with her.
I’m sure he had many of the same concerns at the time. But their love was
strong enough then. And continues to be even stronger now. Yes, it was
challenging. Especially in the early days. No doubt about it. A huge help was
the fact that Robin’s awesome kids absolutely adored her from the get-go. They’re
clearly very bright kids. Robin said that from the first day they met her,
whenever they saw him or spoke to him on the phone after that, she was the first
person they asked about. And they nagged to see her and spend time with them. She
filled a hole for all of them. And it wasn’t just Robin who fell in love with
her. But it was a family. How precious and special is that. For a large part of
his younger two children’s lives, they lived full time with Robin and Katrine.
Almost twenty five years later
and they’re stronger than ever. They’ve both found true love. Their beautiful
daughter, Honey is now seventeen years old. And they’re such a fabulous blended
family. The other kids are adults now, have all flown the nest and are living
in different countries. In fact, my sister recently became a granny. How cool
is that! Twenty year age gap. Pfffffft! So what!
So here’s the point I’m actually
coming to. Shortly before Robin and Katrine got married, he wrote her, without
doubt, one of theeeee most beautiful songs ever. It’s called “I got lucky”. And
it’s an extremely poignant song about second (or third) chances. And love. The
magic of finding your person. And I absolutely love the song. It’s heart
achingly sweet. The melody is beautiful. But add that to the very significant lyrics,
and the songs becomes even more special. A true tribute to love. Hardly
surprising that he sang it to her at their wedding.
I listen to it fairly often via
Spotify. And just two days ago, I was driving in the car with Cole, and I
played it and said to Cole, “Just listen how awesome the lyrics are. The words
are amazing”. And as we got to the opening line, “Saw you standing in the gold
of the morning, In the garden of your Momma and your Father’s house”, The One
and Only Cole piped up… “He should’ve said, say you crawling in the garden”. So
salty and so typically Cole. It made me burst out with laughter.
My boys have somehow adopted a
bizarre age gap code. Honestly don’t know where it comes from. But both of them
never wanted to date girls more than two years younger than them. Remember both
of them commenting on friends in High School who were dating younger girls. For
example a boy in Matric dating a girl in Gr 8 or Gr 9, and both of them saying,
“It’s like dating a child”. So funny. And it always made me laugh. Personally, I
feel that there’s lots to say for the advanced maturity of girls as opposed to
boys. However that’s a topic for another day. It’s also fair to note, that the
age gap between a 14 year old and a 18 year old is rather big. And that the gap
clearly diminishes as one grows older.
Alas, an age gap is what you make
of it. Cause all you need is love. Love is all you need.
I have included the Spotify link
to Robin’s song, “I got lucky”. And just for fun, I’m posting a few of the
first lines of the song lyrics too. Enjoy!
https://open.spotify.com/track/2e7cvYJnIJosrfoar0slxT?si=e241c9a596b6434a
Saw you standing in the gold
of the morning
In the garden of your momma
and your fathers house
Saw you standing in the gold
of the evening
Oh lo, there's a smile upon
your mouth
All the birds in the sky that
day
They sang to tell me you were
on your way, oh
Everybody has some bad luck,
it's true
I got lucky when I found you
