Alien abductions - they clearly don't want us

Alien abductions - they clearly don't want us
16 September 2013

So the thing with alien abductions is this – they simply always seem to return the earthlings.  Cause how else would we know about these supposed abductions?  Yip!  Supposed first hand eyewitness reports, from the supposedly lucky returnees.  All brimming with grand tales of ESP, space travel and probes (not so grand after all).

And so I’m surmising that if the little green men keep on bringing back the goods, it must surely mean that there is no intelligent life on earth?  Because it stands to reason, that if there was, they’d keep these clever individuals for themselves?

You simply have to agree.  There is a kind of convoluted logic to all of this.  I mean why else would the little guys come over here?  Their true purpose can only be to gain from us and our knowledge.  To thereby better themselves and their lives.  To make their world a better place and to enrich themselves in the process.

I would imagine that they’re sort of an envoy for their people.  I mean creatures.  Err, humanoids.  No, definitely NOT humanoids.  Uhm, ET-type friends.  Kind of a search party if you like.  The Columbus’, Da Gama’s and Drakes of their world.  I mean planets.  Err, ….  Oh, you get it!  Basically, they’re ambassadors for their nation.  I mean universe.  Err, …  Okay, I give up.  

Unless what they really want, is not intelligent life at all?  Perhaps they need us to help show them how to destroy things instead.  You know - deforest entire forests.  Or melt the polar ice caps.  How to promulgate famine?  Cruelty to animals?  Child labour?  Maybe wars based on religion?  Or oil for that matter?

Another thing that I find rather odd about the intermittent arrival of ET and his chums, is their predisposed behaviour of landing in America.  And America only.  Clearly this strategy has not worked for them already.  So there’s a strong possibility that ET’s a bit thick.  Because surely they should’ve figured this out by now?  Maybe it’s time for them to think out of the box a bit?  Or UFO for that matter.  I mean, what’s wrong with the rest of the world?

Personally I feel rather confident that if these other-worldly creatures, simply explored our world a bit more extensively, they’d be sure to find at least some form of intelligent life?  Hello, Europe!  Just a thought.  Then there’s a whole bunch of other continents to choose from too.

Perhaps they can try our South Africa shores for a change?  I can comfortably pin-point the areas they should best avoid.  Those not known to deliver the clever.  Maybe avoid parliament altogether.  Politicians in general.  Think-tanks, quite often also don’t really comprise a bunch of thinkers per se.

Instead, I can rather guide them into those areas where they might find actually find someone worth taking.  And keeping for themselves.

Nah, best I keep my grandfather’s location a secret.  He’s highly intelligent, and I’ll be seriously bummed to see him go.  I reckon they’d snap him up in an multi-chambered-green-toned-alien-heartbeat.

In which case, knock your double-headed-green-three-fingered-selves out.  Head for the deep American South.  Corn fields are the best.  And remember to leave crop circles in your wake.  They’re sure to make the natives restless.  And garner yourselves a lot of free press.

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