Foefie, her Robin, and the twenty year age gap

 

Foefie, her Robin, and the twenty year age gap

4 April 2024

Funny how having an age gap can sometimes play a role in a relationship. Yet sometimes also not.

 

This goes for all relationships, albeit friendship or romantic. So many of our pre-conceived ideas are woven into our perception of a number. When you break it down like that, it’s odd, right? I was never really all that much into maths… I mean is there really a wrong or right?

 

From my observation of romantic couples, there’s usually a relatively small age gap. The man is generally older. Usually by a maximum of five years or so, but mostly it’s less than that. And the most commonplace norm. Give or take, here and there. When the woman is older, there are always comments and a fair bit of ribbing that goes on.

 

My Grantie is just shy of five years older than me. And it’s funny how it’s impacted on silly things. Like our frame of reference when it comes to the music we grew up with in our childhood homes. Which also makes sense, as there is more than a ten year age gap between his parents and mine. It also played a role in the music we listened to, once we became teenagers. Which is the age when most people first start diving into developing their own sense of taste with regards to music. As well as what they’re exposed to on the radio at the time. What was popular, what was being played at parties, what they slow danced to when they had their first smooch, and the like.

 

And as for fashion choices, age can definitely play a role here too. Back in the day, My Grantie had a blanket jacket. Shudder! Gladly I never witnessed it in the flesh. For those of you not in the know, those jackets were made of the kind of grey stuffing recycled fabric, that is used for dog’s blankets nowadays. I somehow just missed that fad. And I’m ever so grateful for it. Nothing wrong with it per se, I just skipped it because of timing. Lucky me!

 

My sister is nearly seven years younger than me. Loads of commonality having grown up in the same home. She listened to my music when I was a teenager, whether she wanted to or not, as I had a keen interest in music, and tried to lay claim to the Hi-Fi at home as much as possible. When my annoying parents weren’t annexing it, that is. And by definition, we also listened to our parents’ music choices. Yet, she soon also developed her own musical and fashion choices. And thus by default, I was exposed to her “younger” tastes.

 

Now what is interesting to me, is the fact that my darling sister’s husband is exactly 20 years and 6 months older than what she is. Quite a substantial age gap, without a doubt. Yet it’s never been an issue. Her husband, Robin has always been youthful. In looks, his outlook on life and basically just the essence of him. And as the years have passed, their age gap has become less noticeable, and the gap has shrunk. However when they first got together, she was just twenty years old and he was forty. It was a thing. Mostly I suppose because at age forty, you’ve got some life experience under your belt, not just years. She was an unencumbered twenty year old, having just finished studying, on the brink of starting her life. A huge blank canvas to be filled. Whereas Robin had already done a fair bit of painting on his canvas. It stands to reason. He had two previous marriages, three kids and loads of living he’d done already. And she had not.

 

I remember them being in the starting phases of their relationship. There was a huge spark. Though in hindsight, the term spark seems far too mild. Katrine came home one night from going out with him (one of their first dates) and sat on the bed with me and My Grantie and we spoke about it. Was the age going to insurmountable? Should she dive in further before she was even more smitten? Was there too much stuff and “baggage”? Now baggage as such, is not a necessarily a bad thing. But it takes a brave twenty year old to take on two ex-wives and three kids – let’s keep it real here. And I remember saying to her, that the future is always uncertain. What if he was the one? And that having a chance at unequalled happiness in the now was worth the risk in my opinion. Could she really turn her back on it?

 

I don’t think my words were particularly profound, but she’s often reminded me of them and what an impact they had. And she has always said that Robin feels that he owes us a huge debt, for batting for him in those early days. But I saw with utter clarity, that you can’t deny yourself in the now, for fear of a possible what if sometime down the line. I’ve always believed that love conquers all. That it’s the most powerful life source on earth. Able to accomplish anything. And that if you followed your heart, yet still went in with your eyes wide open, you would find true happiness and fulfilment. And I know that in their case they did.

 

The rest I suppose, is history. She was already more than halfway in love with him by that stage. And him with her. I’m sure he had many of the same concerns at the time. But their love was strong enough then. And continues to be even stronger now. Yes, it was challenging. Especially in the early days. No doubt about it. A huge help was the fact that Robin’s awesome kids absolutely adored her from the get-go. They’re clearly very bright kids. Robin said that from the first day they met her, whenever they saw him or spoke to him on the phone after that, she was the first person they asked about. And they nagged to see her and spend time with them. She filled a hole for all of them. And it wasn’t just Robin who fell in love with her. But it was a family. How precious and special is that. For a large part of his younger two children’s lives, they lived full time with Robin and Katrine.

 

Almost twenty five years later and they’re stronger than ever. They’ve both found true love. Their beautiful daughter, Honey is now seventeen years old. And they’re such a fabulous blended family. The other kids are adults now, have all flown the nest and are living in different countries. In fact, my sister recently became a granny. How cool is that! Twenty year age gap. Pfffffft! So what!

 

So here’s the point I’m actually coming to. Shortly before Robin and Katrine got married, he wrote her, without doubt, one of theeeee most beautiful songs ever. It’s called “I got lucky”. And it’s an extremely poignant song about second (or third) chances. And love. The magic of finding your person. And I absolutely love the song. It’s heart achingly sweet. The melody is beautiful. But add that to the very significant lyrics, and the songs becomes even more special. A true tribute to love. Hardly surprising that he sang it to her at their wedding.

 

I listen to it fairly often via Spotify. And just two days ago, I was driving in the car with Cole, and I played it and said to Cole, “Just listen how awesome the lyrics are. The words are amazing”. And as we got to the opening line, “Saw you standing in the gold of the morning, In the garden of your Momma and your Father’s house”, The One and Only Cole piped up… “He should’ve said, say you crawling in the garden”. So salty and so typically Cole. It made me burst out with laughter.

 

My boys have somehow adopted a bizarre age gap code. Honestly don’t know where it comes from. But both of them never wanted to date girls more than two years younger than them. Remember both of them commenting on friends in High School who were dating younger girls. For example a boy in Matric dating a girl in Gr 8 or Gr 9, and both of them saying, “It’s like dating a child”. So funny. And it always made me laugh. Personally, I feel that there’s lots to say for the advanced maturity of girls as opposed to boys. However that’s a topic for another day. It’s also fair to note, that the age gap between a 14 year old and a 18 year old is rather big. And that the gap clearly diminishes as one grows older.

 

Alas, an age gap is what you make of it. Cause all you need is love. Love is all you need.

 

I have included the Spotify link to Robin’s song, “I got lucky”. And just for fun, I’m posting a few of the first lines of the song lyrics too. Enjoy!

 

https://open.spotify.com/track/2e7cvYJnIJosrfoar0slxT?si=e241c9a596b6434a

 

Saw you standing in the gold of the morning

In the garden of your momma and your fathers house

Saw you standing in the gold of the evening

Oh lo, there's a smile upon your mouth

 

All the birds in the sky that day

They sang to tell me you were on your way, oh

Everybody has some bad luck, it's true

I got lucky when I found you

Family pic - Xmas 2023

Wedding day - 13 June 2004