The room where toys come to die
6 October 2012
Cole’s bedroom – the room where
toys come to die.
Man, spring cleaning – it really
sucks! Such a crappy job to do, but at
times it’s unavoidable. I suppose the
trick is to be in the mood. Because
although unpleasant, it does help if you’re at least in a clean-up type of zone
and just want to get stuck in and get stuff done. And today?
Today was just that day.
The sudden urge was precipitated
by the dreaded thought of what Cole’s bedroom would look like if I didn’t start
before the new term began. The new term
which would inevitably herald the influx of new art work, sports paraphernalia,
school bags, uniforms, etc. And let’s
face it, term time is just so busy, chances are that if I didn’t do it now, it
would be Christmas before I wiped my eyes, and the pile just grew bigger. It was now or never.
The first order of business was
tipping over toy box after toy box.
Because although we have dedicated boxes for dedicated toys, when Cole
tidies his bedroom, he simply chucks stuff into the first available box. We’ve got boxes for sports gear (actually a
big bin for those – it’s all tennis rackets, hockey sticks, cricket bats and
wickets), big superhero’s, small superhero’s, soldiers, animals, cars, dinosaurs,
guns (I know not very, PC, but so what – boys dig guns - and yes, we also have
slingshots and the like), marbles, cards (regular playing cards, soccer cards,
uno cards, rugby cards, you-name-it-cards), Lego pieces, etc.
And then we have two boxes, none too small,
dedicated completely to every hip and happening gadget and accessory that the
superhero of today can simply not do without.
I mean how can Spiderman be expected to save the world without his snow
shoes, shaped like tennis rackets? Or
Batman face down evil without his Batmobile and laser guns? Or Superman come to our rescue without
exchangeable capes , depending on his mood?
Or Power Rangers (for years and years Cole called them Power-Angels)
without their body armour cladding? Or
Action Man without his Dive Board and Jet Ski?
Huh? Or Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles without their skateboards and nunchucks?
I am merely scratching the surface here, believe you me. Why, how any of these superhero dudes ever
get to leave home, is beyond me? They
have so much accessorising to do, it must simply take them ages to get ready to just go out there and do their thing. Do
these shoes make my glutes look small?
Does this snow hoodie accentuate my pecs? Which of my myriad of weapons should I pack
in today, when Cole and I take on the plug in the bath during bath time? And they say chicks dig accessorizing? These superhero guys have sooo much
crap! And Cole seems to know what
belongs to who or what, when it’s needed and why. Personally, it’s quite beyond me.
So, superhero’s aside, this is
just a little taste of what else you will find in an 8 year old little boy’s
room. Or perhaps only in my 8 year old little boy's bedroom. Load and loads of dice. Pieces of Lego, that you invariably step on,
causing major damage to gentle feet.
Balloon bits – very interesting.
Enough fire power and weapon armoury to take down any third world
country, and perhaps even some first world ones - okay, so they're not real, but if they were..... Tangled medals – Cole simply can’t leave them
alone. Broken torches. Coins.
Marbles of all sizes. Rocks and
stones? More balls than you can every
imagine. Dinosaurs. McDonald’s toys. Dummy cell phones – Cole absolutely loves
them, and is not shy to ask for a demo phone at a cell phone shop. Four pirate eye patches. Yip, four.
And all of them awesome, with printed skull and crossbones, the whole
toot. Shin pads. Colouring-in books and pencils, even though
there’s an embargo on writing utensils in the bedroom – carpets always seem to
suffer. And so the list goes on.
Now, all of this is pretty
normal, I think. All general, run of the
mill, pretty average. But what I did find rather
alarming, was the rather large amount of amputee’s in Cole’s bedroom. Is the boy perhaps secretly interested in the
medical field? Do I perhaps have a
budding orthopaedic surgeon on my hands?
Is he doing experiments in prosthetics, hoping to further knowledge in
this area? If so, I must be honest, I am
rather delighted. My son, the doctor,
has a marvellous ring to it. Though,
perhaps his intentions are far more sinister?
And this does not bear thinking about.
Believe it or not, I made a
huge pile, with not-so-abled superhero’s of all shapes and sizes. And to be honest, my boy does not
discriminate with body parts either. The
pile comprised arms, legs, hands, heads, whole bodies, headless wonders,
legless wonders and armless wonders.
And me, being me, I didn’t turf
them. No sirree, Bob. I made a little pile, which I greatly
admired. Then I packed them out nicely
and took a photo of them. And then,
because I was not finished playing yet, I took all of the body parts along, and
spelled out “HELP”, and took a photo. I
can’t imagine where Cole gets his ADD from?
But surely then when I was
finished I turfed all of the body bits and bobs? No, don’t be ridiculous! Cole knows exactly which bits fit where and
belong to whom. And just think, if he
ever wanted to build an ultimate type of superhero, he need go no further than
his very own bedroom. Why he could use
Spiderman’s right leg, Action man’s left leg, Superman’s right arm,
Power-Angel’s left arm, Captain America’s right hand, Donatello Ninja Turtle’s
body and Batman’s head. And if Cole
doesn’t, perhaps I will…..
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