From the birds and the bees, to family trees.: Revisiting the mullet

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Revisiting the mullet

Revisiting the mullet
9 September 2014

One of the worst horrors known to mankind, is the mullet. Grimm’s fairy tales have nothing on this. It is the stuff of nightmares.

A hair horror of epic proportions. Truly terrible. And if any convincing of its hideousness is needed, all I need to do, is haul out exhibit A – Billy Ray Cyrus.

Need I really say more? Or show you more?

Yet he did not rest – in his infinite wisdom, he decided to amplify the mullet. With highlights! And occasional frizzing or perming. As well as a bit of teasing for good measure too.

To compound the horrors of his hair, he added his music.

But still, his work was not done. He gave us the Achy Breaky Heart Dance too.

Cowboy boots, and plaid/check overkill as well.

The man was clearly on a roll.

In his defence, he cleaned up mighty fine in his later years. Though the predilection for highlights has remained. Anyway, let’s give the boy his hair product and leave him alone.

I would like to think that he served a purpose in history. As an example. For the enlightenment of mankind. And eventually even himself. He snipped his locks, and did away with his old look.

But some poor people, clearly did not see the light. Rather than move away from the mullet altogether, they’ve decided to reinvent it. Possibly they thought they could improve it.

However, I’d like to confirm that they were indeed very, very wrong. If such a thing was possible or even conceivable, they actually succeeded in making it worse.

Far, far, worse.

They permed the bottom bit. Other’s permed the top bit. In an invention that’s been dubbed the Merm. Mullet + Perm = Merm.

Please note that most of these are recent pics. Not found in archives of the eighties and early nineties.

Which can mean only one thing – enlightenment is not complete. There are pockets of humanity, who have not yet lived through the nineties. They’re stuck in a time warp.

Our fourteen year old new millennium has not even reached them yet.

There’s simply no telling what they’ll do when they discover twerking one day!

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This appears to be the mullet combined with short-hair-at-the-top-teasing

This is a whole bunch of nasty. Seriously dig the shave line on his neck. This is proof positive that man does indeed stem from apes. At least this one does.

Wicked combo - teased, highlighted, wavy mullet, complete with the unshaven look. There are so many hairs of different lengths here, it is hard to keep track. He surely needs a trim, snip, cut, shave schedule.

Ouch!

The boy cleaned up pretty good

I wonder if this kid has ever recovered from the physical evidence of her parent's abuse. It's not even neglect. Cause they actively went out and permed the top half. Super scary!

He-Wolf will soon be heading off to his lair...

Not only the permed mullet, but the very short top bit, shaved sides, awkward sideburns and goatee too

Clearly this kid has bigger problems than his mullet alone. There's the gold bling, excessive use of sequence, the bow tie, the big glasses, the ears, the high waisted pants, and then the instrument. That's just a whole lot of wrong all together. Shame man!

This could be a woman. Or this could be a man. Perhaps it is both.

She-Wolf

Hectically frizzed and hair-sprayed mullet. Though I oddly find the white base on the face as well as the artificial eye-liner enhanced eyebrows and moustache more strange.

Quite the combo - firstly I bet that dashing red bow tie came with an equally dashing red cumberband. The centre hair parting and loose curls at the bottom are also really special.