Grocery shopping on my own, is like going on a mini vacation

Grocery shopping on my own, is like going on a mini vacation
3 September 2014

I mean seriously!  How sad is my life?

Going shopping for groceries on my own without my kids, is like taking a mini vacation.

Without the horrendous packing.  Preparing.  Sorting out of the dogs in my absence.  Farming out my business.  Filling up with petrol.  Making sure everything is locked, and closed and all good to go.

Way better in fact!  Sometimes it even entails snacking treats!

I usually do daily shopping en route to fetching my kids.  It’s a no-brainer really.  I’m in the car.  I know what I’m making for supper and get exactly what I need.  It’s not a special trip.  It is but a brief stop before hitting my final destination – school.

But the thing with this, is that it is usually very rushed.  Very fast.  Absolute essential necessities only.  Kind of emergency shopping at best.  Just what I need for today.  No time to ponder or linger.  No time to still wonder what I should prepare for our meal.  It simply has to be a case of grab, pay and go.

And horrible though this is, it sure beats the alternative of having the kids with me.  They’re invariably hungry.  For treats.  They’re thirsty.  For something carbonated, energy inducing, or chocalatey.  Occasionally need the bathroom.  Would like lengthy dawdles down the toy aisle.  Drooling over the sweet aisle.  Amber NEEDS a girly magazine.  Cole NEEDS a new toy.  Luke NEEDS a new meal-supplement-weight-gaining-protein-loaded-carb-filled shake of some or other kind.  And all I really want to get is a loaf of bread, 2l of milk, a bag of apples, a block of cheese, fabric softener, conditioner, two onions, and a pack of mince.

Ask any mother out there.  This is true for all of us.  In addition, if you have more than one of your offspring in tow, they’re very likely to bicker.  And wind one another up.  I know – I’ve got truly awesome kids.  Bet you have some too.

It is like a test in endurance and stamina.

Waterboarding torture would most likely be easier to bear.

And thus, given all of the above, I prefer emergency shopping on my own.  On my way to lifting and carting them about.

However, kids and the demands of parenting, work and running a home is never ending.  There is no off button.  It just carries on and on.  From the second you open your eyes in the morning, until you crash exhausted into bed late at night.  On and on and on.

And sometimes, one just needs to catch a break.  A breather.  A little time-out.

For me, time-out PHASE ONE, entails pretending I need the bathroom.  I start off by making a general announcement – “I’m going to the loo”.  This means, FOR THE NEXT FEW MINUTES I DON’T EXIST.  DON’T BOTHER ME UNLESS SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY DYING.  AND THEN I NEED PROOF OF IMMINENT DEATH.  I go to my room, lock my door, and flop on my bed.  This is bliss.  But my kids are not always known for their perceptive skills.  Inevitably one or more of them will bang on my door, to ask me something URGENTLY.  Like, “Why do marbles not float?”.  Or, “You know that white strappy top with the writing on it?  Can I cut it shorter, cause I want to make a crop top?”.  Or “Liverpool has just sold…(enter player’s name)”.

Once I’ve reached saturation point, where I fear I might actually become the person most likely to cause IMMINENT DEATH, I go over to PHASE TWO.  And announce, “Guys, I’ve quickly got to go to Pick ‘n Pay (or any other shop that sounds fairly legit).”.  This usually on the pretext of needing some or other urgent item.  Like “No nails glue”, so I can finally hang up those picture I’ve been meaning to hang up in the bathroom for two years.  All this said, full well knowing that Pick ‘n Pay doesn’t stock this item.

I know – it is terribly sad.

A frivolous, unnecessary, useless, pointless trip like this to the shops, is absolutely fabulous!  No pressure to buy anything whatsoever.  Cause you don’t really need anything.  No wasted time aimlessly looking for something you can’t find.  Instead you can dawdle over to the PNA, right next to the Pick ‘n Pay, and admire pretty ribbons at length.  You can go and look at the fishies in the pet shops.  And maybe some puppies if you’re really, really lucky.  You can wander over to the Chinese shop and admire cheap and nasty clothes (some are actually not too bad).  You can amble into the Crazy Store, and just look at nothing in particular.

It is all very, very relaxing.  Mind numbing.  Until you get a phone call from one of your kids, asking you, “Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!  Do you think it will work if I use that special tape?”.

To which you enquire with a sigh, “What special tape my boy?”.

“The brown one in the bottom draw.  It is kind of a bit fat.  But not too fat.  It’s sort of as fat as two of my fingers together.  No, maybe three of them.”.

“The packing tape?  Well what do you want to do?”.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy.  I want to use the special tape so that I can stick a superhero on my paper airoplane to see if it can fly.”

To which you reply, “It won’t work.  But you can try it in any rate.  I’ll still be a little while.  I’m quickly looking for something at Pick ‘n Pay.”.

At which point you turn and go back to PNA, to go and admire pretty ribbons once more.

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