My kids are decidedly odd (as in not-normal)

My kids are decidedly odd (as in not-normal)
11 April 2014

I have without a shadow of a doubt the very strangest kids.  In the world.

You know how you get some kids that are fairly normal-ish.  And then you get some kids that are a bit different.  And some that are a lot different and a bit wacky.

Well, my kids don’t fall into any of those categories.  If only.

At times, they are disturbingly strange.

And to illustrate this to you, I’ll give you an example:

On Monday evening, I scooted the youngest two to the bathroom to go and brush their teeth before bedtime.  But upon hearing much giggling and snorting, as well as conspiratorial whispering, I deduced that whatever they were doing, it did not include brushing their teeth.  Hardly surprising – they don’t always take instructions very well.

Anyway, I think they were lying in wait for me.  Expecting me to check up on them.  They clearly have my number.  And have sussed me out.  Knowing my moves and my patterns, and anticipating my behaviour.

So, as soon as I entered, Amber and Cole’s tittering escalated.  And immediately I was met with a request to lie down on my bedroom floor.  Now much as I really wanted to boot them off to bed, after ensuring they had first brushed their teeth, my interest was piqued.  Moreover, I was intrigued.

And thus, I happily obliged.  Nine year old Cole was the ring leader.  Instructing me to relax my whole body.  To lie with my arms crossed over my chest.  To breath calmly in and out.  And to close my eyes as well.

Yip, you guessed it.  I was deeply troubled.  Suspicious too.  Exactly what were they up to?  And would it hurt?

Still, I did my bit.  And followed instructions.  They rubbed my stomach lightly.  As well as my legs.  Reminding me to keep my eyes closed.  Lots of mumbling, and questions of, “Are you really relaxed Mommy”.  To which I of course lied and said, “Yes”.

Well nothing happened.  I kept on waiting for the big nasty surprise, when I was vulnerable and relaxed, with my eyes closed.  But NOTHING happened.  I kept on saying, “Can I open my eyes yet?”.

And each time they replied, “No – not yet”.

And the whole time there’s the chatting between the two of them and the mumbling.  And let’s not forget the rubbing.

Well, eventually Cole said rather dejectedly, “It’s not working”.

To which I finally opened my eyes and said, “What’s not working?  What are you trying to do?”

You will NEVER believe what they said to me.  Not in a million years.

“We’re trying to make you levitate.  You know – float off the ground”.

Seriously!!!  What’s wrong with my kids???

And scariest of all?  They clearly take after me. 

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