29 Most awkward family photos

29 Most awkward family photos
9 April 2014

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Today the universe gave me a gift.  And it isn’t even my birthday.  Merely a friend’s.

To be fair, the wrapping left a lot to be desired.  No ribbon.  Nor bow.  No lovely wrapping paper.

However, the present itself, so blew me away, I was quite willing to overlook the rather drab dressing thereof.

So pray tell, what was it?

Well as my blog title suggests, it was one of the greatest, most unexpected gifts ever – 29 MOST AWKWARD FAMILY PHOTOS.

This is the stuff of legends.  Or nightmares.  As for me?  It’s most definitely a bit of both.  Perfection!  What could possibly be better?

Some of them are so incredibly inappropriate, it is simply breath taking.  Some so banal and bizarre, the sanity of the subjects are called into question.  Some completely ludicrous.  And most decidedly odd. 

Actually to be fair, most of the 29 made my personal list.  And so I thought I’d have myself a wee bit of fun, doing captions for these pics.

Yes, yes – I know already.  I’m a horrible person.  It’s not nice to laugh at other people.  But please let’s be honest – it’s a hell of a lot of fun.  And super entertaining too.

In addition, I’ve always been a bit of a sucker for a numbered list.  Especially if the numbered list includes the words, “most” or “best”.  Cause then you usually know you’re in for a treat.  And if the focus of the numbered list is something funny and odd, then I’m completely hooked.  A goner for sure.

On the other hand, it did give me some pause for thought.  Have some of my family photos been a little bit odd?  Ever so slightly strange?

And with a bit of luck, all I can ask for, is a huge resounding,

“YESS!!!”

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When this kid is a teenager, he's going to need counselling. By a team of trained professionals. Funny enough, Dad's really into the swing of things. While Mom's face clearly says she's already having her doubts.

 

And baby makes three. I mean pumpkin. Very, very odd.

 

This one leaves me puzzled - the disparity between the innocent bird and the dangerous weapon is strange in itself. However the middle parting on the left and frizzed hair on the right, complete with slight handle bar moustache, and gruesome shades, is also a lot to take in. And lastly, just a thought - is he wearing velour??? Or maybe velvet? With a go-faster-stripe down the arm?

 

Cause nothing quite says "Merry Christmas", like a Llama in a Christmas hat. With a little bit of lamb thrown in from the side for good measure. I'm assuming the lamb will NOT be a part of the Christmas feast? Or maybe it will?

 

 

I think in theory, this seemed like a really good idea. And the symmetry actually works quite well. However the thought of all of those squished willies against bare backs is rather sobering. Also, chances are, given the combined weight of all of those bodies, Dad's man vegetables are more than likely damaged. And will be merely decorative from this point forward.

Hey! Look at us. We have those new fan-dangled electronic portable telephone devices. Dad even has a pager. They match our glasses and mom's shoulder pads perfectly.

This was the last pic of Sammy before his corrective facial surgery. Cujo and Cujo did a really good job on changing his looks forever. As an afterthought - how much white polo neck is too much?

 

Aaah, yes! Search no longer. Rest assured. Chucky has been found. As a side note, this is also the last sighting of Tommy before he disappeared. Forever. The pic on the right is clearly of a young Borat, wearing traditional clothes - to Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan .

 

Robin and Maid Marion. On a barstool. Wearing jeans. Sporting a mullet. Nice!

One of the earliest pics of Dr Evil. Way back in the day when he still had hair. Well, to be fair, so did his cat in this pic. Subsequently both have gone terribly bald. And I do believe I'm spotting a mullet inspired ponytail at the back. I am very surprised that his "laser", so obviously on display in the back, did not do any lasting damage to his eyes, when they performed the surgery. Cause he no longer wears glasses.

Strange. Very, very strange.

 

No sorry - I do retract that. This is stranger. The woollen flesh coloured nude onesie's, including appropriate bushes, as well as the meat and two veg is disturbing. And so is Sally's obsession with touching Daddy. MAKE IT STOP!!!

How lovely (not)! Creepy real. People are odd.

 

This is little Jimmy. He was the paige boy when Nanna and Pops renewed their vows. It was a very special day. Unfortunately, they are not allowed to publicise the other wedding photos. These were the smart dress-up ones. The nudist reserve, Camp Swing-a-lot, encouraged them to disrobe shortly after this pic was taken.

Oh, just a couple of kids. Posing with Grandma and creepy Uncle Ted. Uncle Ted was incarcerated shortly after this pic was taken. And they finally found Grandma's weapons cache that she was saving for Uncle Ted.

All righty then! I think the little pink princess at the top, has an uncanny resemblance to mom...

 

A very proud family photo. Imagine Gramps having this little gem up on his mantle piece. Ironically, the gal in the front to the left, is the scariest of them all.

 

And then there was a loud "poof" and we both lost our hair. And eyelashes.

 

Eish! Creepy!!!

 

Santa's elves are looking a bit disgruntled. Scary stuff!

 

Now I don't want to be funny here, but just how old are those kids clinging to Daddy's legs??? Can we all say "disturbing".

 

There's a whole lot of product being used hair. I mean here. Me-thinks straightener, mousse, most likely gel and my money's on industrial detangler too. And then just for fun? Well Bubba on the right, teased his hair for extra effect.

 

Eish!

Jim and Susan are eagerly awaiting the arrival of Shamu - the dolphin.

Wow! This one is kinda special. Maybe Dad is no longer with us.

 

This is not NBA. It's NBA-by. Note to Mom - don't trust Dad to babysit on his own.

 

Wow! So I know the first thing one notices straight off the bat, is the excess of shades. And how wonky and skew Polkadot's shades are. However, if you are able to tear your eyes away from the excess sunglasses, do please focus on the clashing patterns and colours of the outfits. We have pink polkadots, some or other floral pattern, and then there's that shirt. Brave. Very, very brave! On second thought, perhaps they're all wearing shades because they are visually impaired and they're blissfully unaware of their screaming colour and pattern choices. In which case they look just lovely!

 

Daddy found Mommy's Tropicana Self Tan Lotion again. And so, in an effort to blend and not make him feel left out, Mommy, and Timmy decided to colour code their outfits to his orange skin tone. Gawjis!