From the birds and the bees, to family trees.: A Donkey-from-Shrek moment

A Donkey-from-Shrek moment
2 December 2012

I’m having a Donkey-from-Shrek moment, because just like onions and ogres, Moms also have layers.

I am a Mom. And for the past fifteen odd years, from when I was still just pregnant with Luke, I’ve been doing my very best to be a great Mom. Not a perfect Mom – perfection is boring and tedious and impossible to achieve. But a great Mom. Moderately good simply won’t do for me. I always aim to be better and do better. To give it my all. And whether I achieve my lofty goal or not, I at least try.

But here’s the thing. I am not just a Mom. I have other needs and interests, aside from my kids. Needs and interests that don’t include them or my husband either.

And actually, I think this is a good thing. It is healthy for them to see that my life is not just them. That I don’t merely define myself through them. I have outside interests. I have a life aside from the one I have with my nuclear family. In fact even broader than the one I have with my extended family.

I have a need to express myself through my blog. It is my creative outlet. It enriches my life and fulfils a part of me. I have my own little business, of which I am very, very proud. I have a fabulous circle of girlfriends. I have my Twisteds, but not just them either. I have many, many other friends too. Friends I’ve made through the years through school and varsity, and via my kids and through my work experiences. Older friends, younger friends, female friends, male friends. Good friends.

And my life is the whole of all of these elements combined. It’s my kids and my family. It’s my friends. It’s my blog that I love. It’s the love I have for Christmas, the smell of the sea and Kleinbaai, reading a good book, eating a fabulous meal, making my home all homely, beautifying things around me, getting stuck in a project and doing some crafting, surrounding myself with joy inside and out, my deep love of music, my forays into cooking, my delight in the ridiculous and silly, my passion for fun and laughter, dreams of travelling overseas and going in a gondola, floating high above in a hot air balloon, phone calls and visits to family and friends. My love of life.

But it is just so easy to get bogged down by the mundane and every day that one feels a bit lost in it all. Like you’re so busy doing and being what others need and want that there is not much time left just for being you. Or in my case me. Now don’t get me wrong – I love it all, but just every so often, I long for a bit of the old Helene. The unencumbered one. She was more footloose and fancy free (she was way skinnier too). Her life was geared towards her and not those around her. Oh, she was always aware of others and cared for them, but quite predictably she came first on her priority list. Now, she’s very, very far down the bottom of the list. Which is perfectly normal and comes with the territory, I suppose. This is not something that she is upset about. It just is what it is and she never gives it much thought.

And then all of a sudden, she gets a little gift and it makes her remember. The gift I got today. A day unencumbered, just for me. Grant and the boys are at Newlands for the day, supporting our Proteas as they’re annihilating New Zealand on the cricket field. And Amber is enjoying a day with one of her cousins. No faffing and driving others around. No making of meals for anyone else. I got my domestic worker in for the day, and much as I would have preferred being completely on my own, there certainly is a lot of merit to having her around. And then I’ve got my Jumping Castle cleaning crew in too. But after so many years, they’re pretty much independent and I just have to stick my head out every so often to give them ice lollies and cool drink and a meal and to check up on what’s happening. So after my rentals that went out over New Year’s came in again and my rental for today went out, it was all about me.

Uninterrupted time on the computer – no kids vying for a turn to play games. No bickering. No meals to make. No policing to be done. Just chilling. Sadly I had to go do some shopping and get something specific for Luke at the Mall which took up a huge chunk of time, but it was not all bad. For once I was not rushed. I ambled about. And one of the greatest benefits of the Mall is the fact that it has a KFC. And so I spoiled little old me. With four Zinger Wings from the Colonel himself – Mildred was delighted! Bliss! I did a wee bit of browsing and day dreaming and lots of admiring. Got the odd little thingie or two. Luke’s goodie and groceries for supper, as the hordes will be home later. A pressie for my mom, a new cellphone cover, R55 earrings (oh so zhoosh!), a chocolate for later. A Bar-One which I shall melt in the microwave in a cup and delight in eating slowly with a teaspoon to make it last even longer.

And for now, I’m going to go and lounge in our little inflatable pool. Sadly no Lilo, but I’ll just float about. I’ll crack open a frostie (non-alcoholic ‘cause I’m so boring) and I’ll cool down and day dream some more. And when I’m done, I think I’ll take the fabulous book that I’m reading, grab a pillow and a snack and go and have a snooze in the hammock.

Thank you universe for my beautiful, perfect day. It is glorious and I’ll enjoy my family so much more after my brief respite. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and ever so much stronger.

Yes, you have guessed right. Like the ninny I am, I set up the camera each time I wanted to take a pic, set the timer and then ran like a bleeding lunatic to get to my selected spot for the pic. You have nooooo idea how many shots it took to get it just right!