Who am I?

Who am I?
22 August 2012

So in my family, I’m the vanilla/beige person – at least that’s my perception of things.  I’m the one that doesn’t stand out in a crowd.  Not particularly good looking, glamorous, talented or noteworthy.  In fact, I’m sure that I tend to blend into the background – very, very average.  This is not a bad thing.  It has made me remarkably observant and I love watching others.  And let's be honest, they're very interesting to watch.

It is not anybody else’s fault that I feel like this, most certainly not my family’s.  It’s entirely me and is a bit of a confidence thing.  Which in itself is quite bizarre, as I have an incredibly supportive family, who builds me up.  As families do for each other, I’m praised for being who I am.  According to the rest of the clan, I have marvellous qualities and they point these out to me and compliment me for them continually.  This is all me, and no one else’s fault.  None of us are ever expected to be anything other than what we are.  And there is a liberating sense of freedom in being allowed to be exactly who you are – warts and all.

But, just hear me out.  The problem is, that everyone else is pretty amazing and incredibly special and unique.  My dad was a larger than life person.  Once you met him, you would never forget him.  People were drawn to him like a magnet and it appeared as if he had a spotlight on him when he walked into a room.  So when I was around him, I was always Frank’s daughter.  My mom is the most phenomenal person you have ever met and is loved and adored by all who know her.  So around her, I’m Maggie’s daughter.  My brother is Albert Frost, enough said, so around him I’m always Albert’s sister – and that’s only if I’m lucky enough for them to notice me.  My sister is gorgeous, skinny, funny, quirky and unique, so around her I’m Katrine’s sister.  When I’m with my Grantie, I’m simply known as Grant’s wife.  I’m Luke’s mother.  I’m Amber’s mother.  I’m Cole’s mother.

I also go by other labels.  And these labels are also preceded by people’s names.  The purpose of the label is to indicate my relevance and relation to the person being named.  So, in going with that theme, I’m someone’s granddaughter, aunt, cousin, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, nephew (just checking if you’re paying attention – nearly got you there), stepdaughter, stepsister, etc.  You pretty much get the picture.  And I truly don’t mind this at all – this unique form of naming.  I suspect that everyone does this, and perhaps it’s not so unique after all. 

Now I’m not having a little pity party here, I’m merely observing, that I probably and inadvertently tend to think of myself in those terms as well.  I define myself through others.  I know that I’m approaching 40, but this is not an existential crises.  So, I’ve given it some thought and as far as I know, this is who I am.

I am Helene.  I have a fabulous sense of humour.  I have a deep appreciation for the quirky.  I strive to be an awesome mom.  I have a passion for my family.  I am creative.  I love writing.  I’m sometimes of average weight – only if I’m lucky.  I’m short (and I really like being short – so glad I’m not tall).  I have small feet.  I have bad eyesight.  I am logical.  I need my friends in my life and love them deeply.  I am a loving wife.  I am forgiving and understanding.  I’m relatively undemanding.  I love reading.  I can’t live without music.  Apart from saving my family, in a fire I would grab my photo’s, home videos and eye liner.  I love old things.  I’m caring.  I’m compassionate and have sympathy and empathy for others.  I adore children, and would love to have more.  I procrastinate.  I’m not very fond of cooking.  I am thorough.  I can see something through and complete it.  I never give up.  I love watching movies.  I love summer.  I’m not very good at swimming and still block my nose by pinching it with my thumb and my forefinger when I go under the water.  I can chat to absolutely anyone and put them at ease.  I am methodical.  I have excellent selective memory recall – this is a marvellous ability – I am able to simply wipe something out if I don’t like it.  I feel naked unless I have nail polish on my toe nails.  I’m helpful.  I’m organised – in certain areas of my life, sadly not in all of them.  I am extremely sentimental and find it hard to part with stuff if it has sentimental value to me – Grant says I’m a squirrel, because I hoard stuff – naturally I don’t know what he’s talking about.  I’m stubborn and don’t like being told what to do – not a very good quality at all.  I tend to pretend something doesn’t exist if I don’t like it.  I like to believe that bad things won’t happen if I simply believe they won’t.  I never admit defeat – I never give in or give up (unless I’m wrong of course).  I’m passionate.  I’m patient – no, I’m not sick, I have a lot of patience.  I’m gullible.  I am of very average intelligence.  I like to believe that I sing pretty well – but I can’t be entirely sure.  I love to be silly.  I enjoy spending time with me – not that it happens often, but I do enjoy the ‘company’ when I have the opportunity.  I love relaxing – hey, who doesn’t?  I cherish those I love.  I am happy with me.

However, I also know the following:  I am the daughter of Frank and Maggie.  Sister of Albert and Katrine.  Wife of Grant.  Mother of Luke, Amber and Cole.  And if you ask me, that’s not a pretty bad deal at all.  In fact, I love it!  And you know what?  They’re all defined by me as well.

 

 

Me having a really bad hair day...