From the birds and the bees, to family trees.: Thea, that curler and James Bond

Thea, that curler and James Bond
10 August 2014

So last week Friday afternoon, my friend Thea and I were sitting at the Barnyard Theatre, watching the final dress rehearsal, before our daughters were due to grace the dancing stage, the following day.

And Thea was grumbling. Her husband had just phoned her, round about lunch time, to say, “Oh by the way – I forgot to tell you. We’ve got to go to a fancy black tie work doo tonight. And the theme is 007, James Bond.”

He was a clearly a dead man walking. One with a death wish to boot. Practically begging for it.

But darling Thea, took it all in her stride. Only leaving the theatre at about 5pm. Braving the horrendous Friday afternoon traffic. She eventually got home, and had about half an hour to bath, choose an appropriately smart, knock-out outfit, do her hair, make-up, and sort out her kids for the night. A near impossible feat. But Thea tends to operate in crises management mode, most of the time. And I’m not entirely convinced she wouldn’t have left it all for the last minute in any rate.

Anyway, she rushed through it all, and managed to pull a cat out of the hat. Looking absolutely amazing! Simply gorgeous!

She says she was tottering on dangerously high heels. Cleavage popping out. Daring slit in her skirt, all the way up to her thigh. Looking seriously sexy.

They got out of their car, with Thea clinging to her husband Garth’s arm, to help her stay upright and not fall flat on her face in her heels.

Apparently the venue was stunning! Décor to match the James Bond theme. Sort of a dramatic black tunnel type thing, with all of the guests walking through it. Photo booth set up with a professional photographer, taking pics of all the dolled up guests. Cameras clicking away.

They posed, oohed and aahed. Got their required, “Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred”. Mingled and chatted to Garth’s bosses and colleagues. Making small talk, and appropriately complimenting people on their smashing, ever-so-dashing outfits. Accepting similar compliments in return.

Eventually about half an hour later, they were chatting to a work friend, who also happened to be the DJ for the night. Just relaxing, and soaking up the ever-so-sauve-and-stylish event. And the novelty of having a dress-up occasion. I believe Thea was marvelling over her ability, to pull it all together, with very short notice.

When Garth casually glanced over at her and said,

“Thea!!! You’ve still got a bloody curler in your hair!”. (To be fair – those were apparently not his exact words. But I’m exercising poetic license. Cause his exact words are not repeatable. To a polite audience. Even a not so polite audience.)

And then, much to Thea’s horror, she realised that it was indeed so. She only has one curler, mind you. A light blue one of course. And in her effort to look ever so glamorous, she quickly popped it into her hair, just before they left, so that her hair would lie just so. Looking perfect, once removed.

But therein lies the catch – once removed.

She says just before they left home, she asked Garth how she looked. And he said she looked fantastic! (To be fair – those were apparently not his exact words. But I’m exercising poetic licence. Cause his exact words are not repeatable. To a polite audience. Even a not so polite audience.) Suffice it to say, he was well pleased that his wife looked the part. Real Bond-girl material.

Apparently they were near hysterical with laughter. Though I’m sure she was terribly miffed with Garth-The-Observant, too. They guffawed and practically rolled around. The DJ friend, was beyond help. Completely doubled over. Uncontrollable laughter.

Quite predictably she was mortified. Not only had her “Dear Husband” not noticed, he’d clearly not looked properly when she’d asked him either.

And she had confidently spoken to many a fellow guest. Her husband’s employer, for goodness sake! Just imagine what they were thinking. She’d paused and posed for numerous photos. Assuming she looked dashing, elegant, and at her very best.

She even asked the photographer, “Why didn’t you tell me!!!”. To which he replied, “I just get paid to take photos”. What a guy!

We got a WhatsApp message on our Twisted friend group, the morning after the shindig. And none of us could believe it. Was she joking? Was it even possible? More importantly, where was the photographic evidence?

Naturally I laughed like anything. But then I thought to myself, “You know if it’s to the back of her hair, it probably wasn’t very noticeable”. I was also sure someone would’ve told her if it was really obvious. Maybe one of the fellow wives?

Anyway, we’ve been teasing her about it for a week. And I remember saying to her, “Was it really obvious?”. To which she replied, “Hello! My hair is blonde. The curler is blue. It was in the front.”

And then on Friday night, us chicks went out for a birthday meal, and Thea handed over the evidence. Professional photos, taken on the night.

There are no words. Sadly, I only thought of taking pics of the reactions of the other girls, a bit late. Still, you can see the hysterical laughter. The utter disbelief.

Thea Day you are truly unique. And God Bless your Garth. He’s braver than me.

And I repeat what I said to you on Friday night – at least it matches your eyes. You looked stunning doll!

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