Big Momma's House of Horrors

Big Momma's House of Horrors
16 January 2013

I’ve been avoiding it for weeks.  But there’s no real putting it off any longer.  Unless you count the time I spend typing right now.  Which means this might be a veeeeery long blog.

I shall quite simply have to pull up my big girls panties, suck it up cupcake, knuckle down, and spring clean my house.

I think I’d rather have a root canal.  Possibly even two.  What the heck – give me three.

Oh, on the surface, my house looks okay-ish.  It’s not overly messy.  The surfaces are pretty empty and tidy.  No obvious clutter lying around. 

The problem comes in when you open any cupboard.  Any drawer.  Any possible storage area.  They have a life of their own.

It’s as if the contents of my cupboards have been having wild sex, multiplying and giving birth, to more and more stuff.  At a rate of knots.  But not only knots.  Also socks, papers, kids art work, letters, certificates, outgrown clothes, junk, batteries, wires, teeny-tiny little bits and bobs, hair clips, toys, stationary, craft stuff, etc. etc. etc.

And thus what I think I shall have to do in future is this:  Once I have neatly packed and sorted a cupboard, the last thing I’ll do, just before flinging the door or drawer closed, is chuck some birth control in there.  So that they (the things and stuff in my cupboards), don’t give in to doing the wild thing, and I’m stuck with a prolific growth rate once more.  As an afterthought, it might even work.  In addition, I’ll tape down little notes to myself, on the inside of cupboards and drawers, with one simply phrase – “Do you remember January?”.  Or maybe – “Avoid a code red situation”.  “Drawers of death”.

This should be enough to scare and frighten me into submission.  Restraining me from putting simply more stuff into said cupboards.

And bloody best I avoid a similar situation occurring ever again.  I will attempt to never fall into this terrible cupboard death trap again.

In fact, this whole cupboard nightmare, might be an epidemic in my home.  Maybe I should put it under quarantine?  Who knows – it could be contagious.  Like the Ebola virus of cupboards and drawers.  It is even conceivable that it might be beyond saving.

Avoidance will no longer work.  I shall have to do this thing. 

But here’s the situation, I’m stuck with – where to begin?  Room by room?  Stationary drawer by stationary drawer?  I’m considering consulting one of my favourite authors – Sark.  In one of her books, she describes my dilemma so well.  Being in that dark hole of not knowing where to start and what to turf.  In fact, she describes and prescribes coping mechanisms extremely well.  On day one, you simply open a drawer and glance inside.  Don’t touch!  On day two you, you take one item, and you ……  See – pretty much step by step.  She calls it micro managing the problem and breaking it down into small bite-sized, do-able chunks.  However, much as I love her strategy, at the same time, I just want to be done with it.

I’m not the most list-ish person, in the world.  Yet I think that a list is called for in this situation.  And I shall look forward to ticking items off of my list.  One by one.  With a huge amount of satisfaction and glee.  I shall call it my Cupboard Conundrum.

I have a problem.  I hoard.  I am sentimental.  And I get attached to stuff.  I know – I seriously need some help. 

The problem with spring cleaning, is fighting the desire to keep stuff.  To move on and chuck it out.  In addition, I’m ashamed to admit it, but simply every single cupboard is overflowing.  And so if I find something random in cupboard A, that actually belongs in cupboard B, I find myself opening cupboard B, finding no space, because I’ve just spotted something that actually belongs in cupboard C.  Moving on to cupboard C, I firstly injure myself, because cupboard C, being the kids art cupboard, is so stacked with stuff, something falls out and lands on me.  The only way I can make a space for the item I found in cupboard B, that actually belongs in cupboard C, is to move something out of cupboard C.  Either in to the bin, pass it on to someone who needs it, or put it in its rightful spot, in cupboard D.  So basically, I have to unpack all of them at once.  Almost starting from scratch.  Please tell me I’m not the only one?

In principle, I’m actually pretty organised.  Certain cupboards are dedicated to certain items.  I’ve got a linen cupboard, puzzle cupboard, crockery, etc.  And so the list goes on.  The cupboards are just bursting at the seams.  Our home is pretty small, and I’m using every single available space.  Badly at that.

I need to chuck out.  Pass on.  Put in the right place.  Organise.

But instead, I’m writing a blog.  Can you blame me?  It’s a tedious task.  And I don’t enjoy it all.

Though at the same time, I’m not enjoying the mess.  It’s messing with my head.  I feel cluttered on the inside, cause my house is cluttered.  Albeit in the cupboards.  Well in all fairness, I do have a lot of trinket stuff dotted around the house too.  But that is décor and not junk.  It’s in its rightful place – for display purposes.

And so for now, I am actually starting and making an attempt.  I’m going to do a bit every day.  Some days, if time allows, I’ll do more.  The kids are back at school again, and Cole’s school day is now slightly longer this year.  Allowing me even more time.

I look forward to a feeling of more inner calm, when I’m more organised and sorted.  The new school year is going to start off at a sprint.  And I’ll have to keep track of school letters and events.  My business.  Social events.  Kids sports, etc.  I can’t do all of that, and cope with the clutter any longer.

Be gone with you junk and mess.  Be gone with you.  No more Drawers-Of-Death.  Rather Drawers-Of-Order-And-Delight.

Big Momma’s House or Horrors needs to turn into Big Momma’s Organised House of Happy. 

One can live and dream, right?

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