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My mean kids
28 May 2013
My kids are terribly
unaccommodating. They are mean,
self-centred and have a complete and blatant disregard for my need for valuable
info. They don’t share enough with me!
Why, Luke himself would make a
fantastic spy. As quiet as the
grave. Lips permanently sealed. In fact I reckon MI6, the CIA, the FBI,
umMkontho We Sizwe, the Freemasons, the Broederbond, the Illuminati, etc. all
missed a valuable opportunity, by overlooking his brilliance. They missed a critical coup. Had they sought to employ him, to keep their
valuable secrets safe, the world we live in might be a better place. A safer place for sure.
Kids reach a certain age, when
the free embargo on the willing and open sharing of information, all of a
sudden grinds to a halt. No more little
titbits of info. No more telling of
little tales. In fact, no more
nothing. Upon enquiring as to his day at
school, all I get is “fine”. What does
that even mean? If I ask him if he has a
girlfriend, he says “No” if he doesn’t have one. And “I don’t know” if he has one. This I only know, because I’ve figured out
his lingo. In essence, I’ve cracked the
code. If I ask him if he likes a girl,
he also usually says, “I don’t know”, which obviously means, “Yes, but I don’t
want to tell you”.
Their cell phones are
inaccessible – it is always grasped in their hands. Their Facebook pages too (it is but a mere
matter of time, before Luke starts changing his password). No little notes are left lying behind (they
used to be in the third draw on the left).
School bags also yield no clues – apart from the fact that they didn’t
eat their sarmies and their popcorn leaked in their bag.
Why are they so secretive? What are they hiding? I miss knowing more. Being kept in the loop. Now, I spend much of my time in the
dark. They only share what they believe
is critical for us to know. And what
they believe is acceptable for us to know.
And so, while I might not get the ins and outs on what’s happening at
school, I can tell you just about anything you might or might not want to know
about the Champions League, Bundesliga, La Liga, Premiership League, as well as
any other trivial soccer matter for that matter. I know more about transfer windows, transfer
costs, the current injury list on any given team, managers, inter-personal
relationships between team members, random player stats, etc. than I EVER
wanted to know. Because, this is deemed
to be acceptable info to share with me.
Nay, of vital importance for me to know.
And I can’t fake it either – recall of facts is required every so
often. “Yes, yes. I remember it was Robert Lewandowski that
scored the four goals for Borussia Dortmund.”
And then I started thinking. I suppose all teenagers do this. In true spy-fashion, all information, is
shared on a need-to-know-basis. But then
again, though all teenagers might well do this, I suppose my teenager has the
added fear of “my-mom-might-blog-about-this”.
Horror of horrors! I have assured
Luke, that I won’t share very personal info.
When I mention him, it is all with regards to very typical teenager-ish
behaviour. Nothing too specific. Stuff that could be applicable to any fifteen
year old boy out there. Or most fifteen
year old boys.
Still, a weird, by-product, of
Luke’s super-spy abilities, is the fact that it has honed my spy-abilities
too. Well, it would have to. How else would I get any info? Still on the odd occasion he does share with
me. Amidst all of the soccer hoopla, a
piece of real life might slip in. And
that’s when I have to have my ears really wide open. To hear between the lines. To listen to that which he is not telling me.
But just to hedge my bets, I keep my eyes peeled. I have to, what with having unaccommodating kids. The big meanies!
Maybe I’ll get them back in my
old age. I’ll hide my hearing aid on
purpose, and make them frustrated. First
whispering and then shouting at me. Only
for me to ignore them. He-he-he! The irony of course being that I probably
won’t remember where I put the hearing aid again.
Which in turn will lead to them
tapping into their super-spy abilities once more… Actually, perhaps it is all justified after all.
Unleashing the inner-spy
I need me a pair of these
One would swear everything is top secret
This is me (on a good-hair and skinny-looking day) doing my spy-thing
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