My poor children have the meanest mother in the whole world!

My poor children have the meanest mother in the whole world!
4 December 2012

My poor children have the meanest mother in the whole world!  I’m serious.  I’ve seen her in action and let me tell you, she’s a nasty piece of work.  I’m not joking either.  In fact this is no laughing matter.  But don’t just take my word for it.  You can ask any of my kids.  They’ll vouch for my claim.  As for myself, I have got first-hand knowledge of her evil ways and can back up my allegations.  So to illustrate her horridness, I’ll give you just a few examples.

·         She makes them do homework, every single day.

·         She forces them to study for tests and do revision too.

·         She packs healthy school lunches – how terribly dull.

·         She doesn’t do play dates in the middle of the week.

·         She sticks to a strict bedtime in the week.  Though truth be told, she’s way more giving and flexible on weekends.

·         She makes them wear warm clothes, even when she’s the only one that’s cold.

·         She doesn’t allow kids TV in the week – only when the adults watch – boring programmes like the news, and the odd sitcom or series.

·         She’s not big on computer time in the week either.  And in exam time she’s so anal about not letting them play.

·         She makes them follow through on extra-murals and doesn’t just let them skip lessons or give up half way in a term.

·         She makes them eat veggies every single day!

·         She ensures that they finish the food on their plate – something about starving children in Africa or China or something – not all that sure.  She doesn’t like throwing food away.

·         She’s also quite persistent about oral hygiene and bath and shower time too.

·         She dishes out punishment and has a nasty habit of following through on it.

·         She makes them do chores.  Seriously!  Like the dishes and picking up after the dogs in the garden.  Slave labour!

·         She believes in delayed gratification, which is particularly cruel.  Rewards aren’t always instant and she lets them work towards a goal.

·         She doesn’t believe in sickies from school or bunking AT ALL!  How positively archaic!

·         She won’t give apologetic notes to teachers excusing kids for not doing their homework.

·         She doesn’t allow gassy cool drink in the week and never before bedtime either. 

·         She’s a rule follower.

·         She shouts loudly at sports matches, piano and dance recitals and concerts too.  So embarrassing!

·         She veto’s friendships.  Maybe she has a bit of a screening process?  Good friendships are encouraged and those that she deem are unsuitable are not.  In fact she can make it near impossible to get together with a buddy she’s decided is dodgy.

·         She’s extremely uncool.  She doesn’t just drop kids off at a party.  But walks in instead, introducing herself to the parents and checking out the vibe and the scene.  Mortifying for teenagers to say the least.  Oddly this leaves her completely unfazed.

·         She makes them greet adults in a polite and friendly fashion – speaking loudly and clearly and making eye contact.

·         She so annoyingly particular about good manners.  It’s all please and thank you’s with her.

·         She makes them tidy their rooms and pack away their toys.

·         She simply always introduces herself to teachers and touches base with them a few times a year.

·         She is not afraid to phone up a teacher.

·         She’s not afraid to phone up a friend’s mother either – to corroborate a story, or whatever’s her reason.

·         She often says no.  Just like that! 

·         She tells them if they’ve done wrong and advises them on making better choices in the future.

·         She urges them to be their best.

·         She makes them say sorry and apologise.

·         She makes them share.

·         She makes them show kindness and compassion.

·         She takes lots of photos and home videos too – so embarrassing.  She says they’ll be grateful for it one day.

·         She teaches them to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously.

·         She doesn’t pander to their moods.

·         She puts them in their place when she feels that it is needed.

·         She makes them do stuff that she thinks is important, even if they disagree.

·         She believes in making them help.

·         She can be irritatingly helpful and is often involved at school – keeping an eye on things.

·         She believes in accountability and consequences.

·         She believes in making them respect their elders.

·         She doesn’t allow gorging on sweets and junk.

·         She limits money to kids.

·         She won’t just drive them up and down to where they want to be on a whim.

·         She doesn’t succumb to blackmail or emotional manipulation.

·         She makes them hang up their towels.

·         She doesn’t do cheeky kids.

·         She is strict!

Now I ask you – don’t you also feel sorry for my poor little kids?  Imagine having a hard core mother like this.  Hectic I tell you and I should know.  Mine was exactly the same.